Emotions: The Root of Our Beliefs

Emotions

It’s either misunderstood, or more likely, denied

We try so very hard to change and find the solutions to our problems. When it comes to the mind, there are those of us, who place the same level of importance on understanding it, as say, understanding life itself. So how is it, so many of these seeking-explorers, come up short?

Put simply the difficulty lies in what’s at the very root of belief: Emotions

When very small and young our emotions are the only means of expressing our needs. At that time, of dependent vulnerability, our emotions were a direct reflection of this: raw and strongly felt. Untamed and running wild, our emotions ruled us, as often as they ruled others. Some adults would have deemed our emotions as inappropriate or plainly wrong.

Adults often feel threatened, or even fearful of their children’s wild untamed emotions, and have limited resources in knowing how to deal with them. This is especially the case, if they still have limited control, over their own. This fear is often felt as a threat by children. At an unconscious level it can be perceived as a threat to their very survival. So instead of expressing emotions, they’re locked up inside. They become repressed, and unless provoked, that’s where they will stay.

It’s often these repressed emotions driving our most limiting beliefs

Of course, as far as the mind is concerned, to revisit these emotions – so to release their pent-up energy – is forbidden. We must understand, the unconscious mind has no awareness, of the passage of time. It has no chronology. With this understanding in place, we can see, if it was inappropriate to express certain emotions back then, why should that have changed now? 

Think of your most powerful memory

Is that memory any weaker as a result of the passage of time? And when you close your eyes, does the memory feel like the event, is happening now? Indeed, the unconscious understanding, is just that. It is happening now. Everything in the unconscious is happening now. Nothing is date stamped. There is no such thing as unconscious chronology.

Think of those times when you’ve been so engaged with a repetitive activity, that your sense of time, was lost. Repetitive activities become time-eating because they’re unconscious. Furthermore, the unconscious doesn’t know when to wake you in the morning; it’s your consciousness doing that. There is no internal clock. Yet there are internally stored beliefs fuelled by your memories and emotions. There is such a deep, deep beauty, in that. Many of us hold happy memories from years ago, that when thought of now, provoke emotional responses.

In order to defend itself your mind will look to discredit these words. You may have already done so

And so there it is. We will seek the answers to our problems, and when found, we’ll either misunderstand them, or just deny their truth. We’ll find ways to discredit the theories, or we’ll just plain shut them from our minds. This is the power of our beliefs, and the repressed emotions, driving them. It’s the unconscious ability to protect us from ourselves you see. What we must help the unconscious mind understand though, is we would like to grow, right now.

It may be hard to accept – where the root of negative beliefs lie – yet unless we’re prepared to take charge of our minds, and understand how it defends itself, our limiting beliefs are here to stay.  

Moreover, even though you may find limiting beliefs mentioned a lot nowadays, you will need to become actively, physically involved, in erasing them. The time, and associated emotions of when a belief was formed, can be repressed, and forgotten. Right now though, this locked-up energy, can be sufficient to bring us down. 

The powerful and proven GOLD Counselling Methodology – established over twenty years ago – is exclusively taught on Freedman College Development Workshops. Would you like to grow? You can find your application form here.    

People Pleasing

“You may find this relevant today. Extracted from our workbook: ‘Create Beautiful Partnerships’ – we’re sure it will help”

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

People
Michelle’s reality was loneliness

There are people who take all the time and there are people who
give all the time, the latter is exhausting

Michelle sat at the kitchen table smoking a very large joint; she drew heavily, inhaled the smoke and began to feel the buzz.

‘That’s better,’ she said to the empty kitchen, ‘time alone to chill with a glass of wine and a smoke, heaven!’

Michelle enjoyed being there for others, it helped her feel less alone in a way, but to Michelle, people always seemed so needy. She often asked herself: what was it about her that enabled people to open up, to share their sorrows so readily? Was she a good listener, a good friend, likeable?

The time alone continued for three days. Eventually, she became bored with feeling drunk and stoned, it was time to return to work and reality. Michelle’s reality was loneliness. Even when in company she could never quite push the feeling of being alone away. It helped to be with friends and colleagues, either at work or in her local later.

Andrew loved it when Michelle sat with him. They had both finished a tiring day’s work and were now in their local pub, enjoying the atmosphere and beer. To Andrew, Michelle seemed such a caring, lovely person, so easy to talk to. He was, of course, falling for her and in his eyes; she seemed to be warming to him.

As they talked, he shared more and more of himself, his fears, hopes and troubles. Michelle listened, made jokes and smiled in all the right places and seemed insistent on buying more than her fair share of drinks. Andrew made a decision, at the end of the evening he would ask her out. At the time, Andrew hadn’t even considered the fact he knew absolutely nothing about Michelle, all he knew was that he liked her warmth

And so it was, they started seeing each other and over the weeks became closer, more loving. The sex was great! In Andrew’s eyes all seemed well, until Michelle changed. She became distant, detached somehow. They started seeing less and less of each other. When in company, Michelle seemed antagonistic and critical of the things he said and did. It was the evening when he became angry at her criticism that he decided to call it a day

‘It’s just not working,’ he told her.

Returning home afterwards he felt sad and confused over ending it with his girlfriend, but knew her behaviour had become intolerable.

‘Well, there goes another one, disappearing into the night,’ said Michelle despondently. ‘And anyway he was just another needy fella, no loss.’

It was only later that Michelle began to feel sad and confused, she didn’t understand why so many of her relationships ended up this way. She had fallen in love with Andrew.

She topped up her glass of red wine, and then drew heavily on her joint. ‘Oh, heaven, time alone to chill,’ she exclaimed to the walls in her kitchen.

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

To be considerate to other peoples needs is all well and good, however, to be overly considerate to others, due to a need to be liked, will in time end in the need to reject the people who learn to take from the people pleaser.

An individual who gives all the time will be neglecting their own emotional needs. This state of affairs cannot be sustained for long periods. When the people pleaser begins to sense they are neglecting their own emotional needs, it becomes necessary for them to reject the takers.

People are often confused by the people pleaser, as most of the time they are the life and soul of the party. They are the kind of person who can be relied upon to do the right thing by others, to be there for them. In time, the people pleaser will turn. They may slip into a dark mood and cut themselves off from others. Confusion for all is the result.

To be the partner of a people pleaser is hard work, as it can seem that the relationship is one long cycle of acceptance, followed by rejection and so on.

Conclusion

Needing to be liked by others is the people pleaser’s drama. Neglecting ones own emotional needs only results in a poor cycle of accept, then reject, the result of which is confusion for the people pleaser and those around them.

In our true story, Michelle was a people pleaser. Her own emotional needs came second. The cycle of accept, then reject, was necessary for her due to mental exhaustion. She needed to learn how to accept love and learn to believe that she was lovable.

We refer to the ‘ultimate rejection process’ within our heading; by changing her consciousness with alcohol and marijuana, Michelle was ultimately rejecting the self.

Solution

Putting ones own emotional needs first is paramount in beginning to change the cycle of accept then reject, a cycle that can happen when overly considerate to other peoples needs. It must be recognised that the individuals emotional needs come before anyone else’s.

Conversely, a person who dumps their emotional baggage onto others will continue to do this if allowed to do so. They may not have any consideration for the recipient of their garbage, they come away lighter, and the people pleaser will only ever ultimately feel dumpedon.

Important questions are these:
What is it that is lacking within me that drives me to want to please everyone else?
How is it so important that others like me?
What needs to happen for me to believe that people like me for who I am?

You can find your application form for workshop attendance here.