Emotions: The Root of Our Beliefs

Emotions

It’s either misunderstood, or more likely, denied

We try so very hard to change and find the solutions to our problems. When it comes to the mind, there are those of us, who place the same level of importance on understanding it, as say, understanding life itself. So how is it, so many of these seeking-explorers, come up short?

Put simply the difficulty lies in what’s at the very root of belief: Emotions

When very small and young our emotions are the only means of expressing our needs. At that time, of dependent vulnerability, our emotions were a direct reflection of this: raw and strongly felt. Untamed and running wild, our emotions ruled us, as often as they ruled others. Some adults would have deemed our emotions as inappropriate or plainly wrong.

Adults often feel threatened, or even fearful of their children’s wild untamed emotions, and have limited resources in knowing how to deal with them. This is especially the case, if they still have limited control, over their own. This fear is often felt as a threat by children. At an unconscious level it can be perceived as a threat to their very survival. So instead of expressing emotions, they’re locked up inside. They become repressed, and unless provoked, that’s where they will stay.

It’s often these repressed emotions driving our most limiting beliefs

Of course, as far as the mind is concerned, to revisit these emotions – so to release their pent-up energy – is forbidden. We must understand, the unconscious mind has no awareness, of the passage of time. It has no chronology. With this understanding in place, we can see, if it was inappropriate to express certain emotions back then, why should that have changed now? 

Think of your most powerful memory

Is that memory any weaker as a result of the passage of time? And when you close your eyes, does the memory feel like the event, is happening now? Indeed, the unconscious understanding, is just that. It is happening now. Everything in the unconscious is happening now. Nothing is date stamped. There is no such thing as unconscious chronology.

Think of those times when you’ve been so engaged with a repetitive activity, that your sense of time, was lost. Repetitive activities become time-eating because they’re unconscious. Furthermore, the unconscious doesn’t know when to wake you in the morning; it’s your consciousness doing that. There is no internal clock. Yet there are internally stored beliefs fuelled by your memories and emotions. There is such a deep, deep beauty, in that. Many of us hold happy memories from years ago, that when thought of now, provoke emotional responses.

In order to defend itself your mind will look to discredit these words. You may have already done so

And so there it is. We will seek the answers to our problems, and when found, we’ll either misunderstand them, or just deny their truth. We’ll find ways to discredit the theories, or we’ll just plain shut them from our minds. This is the power of our beliefs, and the repressed emotions, driving them. It’s the unconscious ability to protect us from ourselves you see. What we must help the unconscious mind understand though, is we would like to grow, right now.

It may be hard to accept – where the root of negative beliefs lie – yet unless we’re prepared to take charge of our minds, and understand how it defends itself, our limiting beliefs are here to stay.  

Moreover, even though you may find limiting beliefs mentioned a lot nowadays, you will need to become actively, physically involved, in erasing them. The time, and associated emotions of when a belief was formed, can be repressed, and forgotten. Right now though, this locked-up energy, can be sufficient to bring us down. 

The powerful and proven GOLD Counselling Methodology – established over twenty years ago – is exclusively taught on Freedman College Development Workshops. Would you like to grow? You can find your application form here.    

Offensively Defensive

“It’s come to my attention that passive-aggressive is the result of shockingly low self-esteem”

You’ve probably experienced it, the person who is nice and gentle to your face, but bitchy and cruel when your back is turned. Or perhaps someone who’s slightly more direct: “You’re such a lovely person why don’t you wear nicer clothes.” Or, “You’re so pretty, you’d make much more of yourself if you dyed your hair, and wore a little makeup.”

Another example of passive-aggressive is the “I’m only joking” response. It’s that time when the joke’s at your expense – you take offence – and the “I’m only joking” rebuttal is used. Or there’s being pleasant one minute and sarcastic the next.

Sullen behaviour is also often exhibited by the passive-aggressive. It’s a form of manipulation, as is being taught guilt; or perhaps as it’s better understood, we’re ‘sent on a guilt trip’ or ‘given the cold shoulder.’ Those with low self-esteem, who find confidence a threat, are often the worst manipulators.

“People who find you a threat – because of their low self esteem – are more likely to use sarcasm and a passive-aggressive stance”

To help discharge, any negative emotions this might create within us, we can see this kind of behaviour as the defence mechanism of the emotionally immature. It’s also the kind of behaviour often exhibited by children seeking love and attention. Allow their behaviour to become ‘water of a duck’s back.’

“We could – if we choose – give them the love they’re seeking by making them aware of their behaviour. Send them this post if you like” 

The more you understand the psychology – of why people are the way they are – the more bulletproof you become. It will also become easier to enjoy your life and dismiss the negative people from it.

The other side of this, is finding yourself wondering: “Why is it so many people seem to take a dislike to me?” Or “Why do I get sacked from jobs so often?” It could well be, that it’s in your nature, to be passive-aggressive and defensive. Over time, this behaviour can become an unconscious, instant reaction, to those we feel threatened by. Working on raising our self-esteem and self-awareness helps to improve interpersonal skills.  

On parting I recently said to someone:

“Stay out of trouble.”

The response was:

“Trouble finds me.”

I understand why. Do you?

If you’d like improved interpersonal skills and a bulletproof vest

Contact Us.