Right Now, No One Has Ever Hurt You – October 6th 2018

Hurt
Shit Happens

If we were to live by the attitude “No one has, or will ever, hurt me” how would life be?

The first thing we’d need to tackle is how to actually achieve this? How can it be possible to believe no one has or will ever hurt us? To start with, let’s look at the benefit, to this attitude.

If we genuinely believe no one has hurt us it takes the mind into a totally different place. We live without recrimination, anger and regret; all destructive places. We carry guilt when we believe people have hurt us. This guilt is mainly borne of feelings relating to inadequacy and blame. When we blame we experience guilt.

Every other human being on the planet is a reflection of ourselves, and so when we blame, who are we in fact blaming? That’s right, ourselves. So living without these feelings is extremely liberating. You will need to do it in order to understand it.

So, in terms of doing it, how is this possible?

Some might say, the key to living with this philosophy, is forgiveness. I would say, if that works for you, then do it. A much more effective means of achieving this though, is bound-up in the understanding of what human error is: Human error is always a two way street. Human error is a failure in thinking, and more specifically, it’s an error in understanding – or caring – for cause and effect.

Let’s take drink. If you drink alcohol it’s going to affect your judgement. Even so, it’s no excuse to say to the judge – before he takes your driving licence away – “I crashed, your honour, because I was drunk and that means I’m not to blame” A court of law will not consider this a valid argument. Consideration, of your right mindedness before you took the drink, takes precedence. In other words, taking responsibility before the event, is what’s important in law.

An Additional Aspect

Here’s the thing. If you were injured, because you decided to take a lift from a drunk driver, the error is also yours. You decided to get in a car with someone who’d been drinking, To then blame the driver is to believe someone has hurt you. In order to rid ourselves of this belief we must accept our part in the dance. Getting in the car with a drunk – should you be lucky enough to have survived – is what you’re learning to not do, next time. Make sense?

When we accept that error is a two way street, we save ourselves, from guilt. Guilt is generated through constantly reliving past errors. We’re thinking: we, I, he, they or she, should or shouldn’t have done this or that. We’re thinking: I’m suffering because of them. Actually, we’re suffering, because of our thinking.

The reality is, there’s no, “we, he or she, should or shouldn’t have” it’s gone, and even if we returned to the past, with the same thinking skills and resources we had then, we’d make the same mistake again now. Of course we would. We can never correct the errors of the past with guilt, anger and recrimination; never. It’s learning and moving forward that does this. The past is done; we must learn from the mistakes and move forward. A mistake is a means of doing things differently next time.

Let’s make things a little more tricky

What if you were a pedestrian knocked down by a drunk driver? Well, once again, we must accept that it is possible to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. The way we rid ourselves of anger, recrimination, guilt and blame, in this instance, is not to pin blame – believing someone has hurt us – but to accept the random unpredictable nature of life. In the worse case scenario (if you’re dead nothing matters) you sustained life changing injuries. Life changing injuries will have set you on a different path and it’s this path you must now focus on. Keeping the mind in blame, and the past, is destructive primarily to you. The mindset of “I hurt so they must hurt too” is damaging to us all. Stop it. When we believe no one has hurt us we free everyone.

That said, you will always be the most important aspect. Blaming, believing you’ve been hurt, will ultimately reflect on compounding any damage done. Whatever that might be. For example, I recently read an interview with a famous actor, whose mother was physically violent toward him as a child. It’s his believe that many women have continued to hurt him throughout his whole adult life. He’s very angry. Until he stops his unconscious generalisation (all women hurt me) and removes his anger, through properly loving himself, he will continue to be attracted to cruel and abusive women. For him to start believing – no one has ever hurt me – he would need to understand that the me, in that statement, refers to now. In the now moment, no one, has ever hurt him. The past no longer exists.

The other thing to briefly consider is victim-blaming

Perpetrators blame victims in an attempt to remove their guilt. This is dealt with when we also see errors in judgement, or lack of personal responsibility, as something that happened then. Victims and perpetrators must both see their errors as past learnings and move forward. This is the case whether victim or perpetrator.

The human obsession with dragging the past into the present, so we can blame with anger and recrimination, is utterly pointless. Remembering the past is one thing, but remembering the past and associating it with feelings of guilt and anger, is a totally different state of affairs.

So believing no one has, or will ever hurt us, frees and empowers us. Bear in mind though, if someone were to come at you with a shitty stick, it would be wise to duck! Taking responsibility for our actions is something we must learn. Life teaches us how to do this. Live and be free, no one has, or will ever hurt you, now. 

Highly Strung

Highly-strung

“Having just spent the last half-hell-hour with an extremely highly-strung person, I thought it prudent, to write about it”

I didn’t plan on writing today, however, due to the therapeutic benefits of writing, here goes. I’m going to break down the nature of ‘highly-strung’ a little, as this might be of benefit, to all of us.

If you suspect you’re of a highly strung nature, you might find it hard to give this your full attention, or even believe you have time for it. So the advice would be: chill out a little, as the following might actually award you some time, by helping you live longer.

Now, it’s not that I’d describe myself as a particularly overly chilled-out kind of person, (you know the sort: dopey, doesn’t give a shit, acting stoned) yet I do find being with highly-strung people, quite stressful.

“To help explain, I’m going to share something with you: I have high frequency deafness”

In relation to deafness, and because it’s happening right now, I’m going to compare the company of highly-strung people, with listening to seagulls. In this moment as I write, I can hear the very unpleasant screeching of seagulls (I have my hearing aids in) but interestingly enough, in the background, there’s the rather melodic cooing sound of a wood pigeon.

“I’m the wood pigeon and my highly strung nemesis is the seagull”

I hear wood pigeons without wearing my hearing aids (lower frequency sound) and only hear seagulls when they’re fitted. You might now ask: “Why don’t you just take your hearing aids out, or switch them off, if you don’t want to hear seagulls?” And I would answer: ‘I just fucking have!’

Anyway, the only reason I’ve been wearing my hearing aids this morning, is because I’ve needed to hear people. Sometimes the aids make that easier. Often, hearing less – of the general screeching of life – would be favourable, by just leaving them out.

Alternative View: The Disease Cures You

With that in mind, what is the alternative view of my deafness? That’s right, escape! Life without hearing aids is often a little gentler and less stressful. Most, it would seem, are living their lives on a slightly different frequency to me: a much higher one!

One twig at a time
One Twig At A Time

It’s my belief, that if we rounded off the corners, and reduced all the sharpness of life, things would be slightly more pleasant. Running around doing everything at high speed is ultimately pointless. Most of us are looking to cram far too much in. We’ve no time for this or that because we’re too busy doing the other. The thing to consider here is this: Being so busy doing the other is potentially as much a means of escape, as my deafness.

“My deafness helps me escape the manic madness of it all, and the manic madness, helps others escape their unfortunate realities”

The reality faced by a highly-strung person, looked at objectively, isn’t a very pleasant one. They’re in a place of fear. People might say to me: “Gosh how unfortunate you are to have a disability.” I would respond by saying we all have our disabilities but most remain oblivious to them. They remain oblivious to their fear and how they’re dealing with it.

Fear

For example, the highly strung person I spent time with this morning, is in a place of fear. She’s recently been promoted to a position that way exceeds her resources. Because of this, she uses her ability to act manic and highly-strung (around calm people) in order to try and intimidate them. In actual fact it’s the method she uses to bully people. Bully those who aren’t aware of her fear that is.

So even though it’s sometimes a method used for intimidation; fearful, highly-strung behaviour, is definitely a disability. Coming back to my point about time, I have as much of this as I need, in order to help people understand their behaviour. Once we have the correct point of view, time is a companion, walking alongside us.

Drugs

So to sum up, highly-strung, is highly wasteful. Those who take speed or cocaine are looking to change their perception of time. They want to chemically alter their conscious perceptions. The alternative, to being inside our heads in this way, is to see ourselves objectively. This enables us to alter things without the need for drugs or manic behaviour.

“Self-obsessed differs greatly to self-possessed”

The highly-strung need to take charge. If not, they’ll continue to waste their lives, perceiving very little. Chill Out Man. Stop screeching like a seagull. Be the wood pigeon I hear so clearly.

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