The Filters to Absurdity

“I wonder if you remember mixing paint together in art classes at school?”

A big brush held in a small hand creating new colours through mixing the primary colours in light. Mix yellow and red and you’d magically get orange. Blue and yellow to get green; blue and red to find the beautiful colour violet. Who said magic doesn’t belong on planet Earth?

For many it’s a fascinating experiment when first observed. And it’s not until we understand the nature of light, how it’s made up of all the different colours of the spectrum, do we get a clearer sense of the outcome when we mix things up a little

When we look closer at the properties of light, and why everyday objects reflect the colours they do, grass is green, the sky is blue etc., we get a clearer understanding of how our beliefs also act as the filters to our world.

Why is the grass green? Well, put simply, the reason grass is green is because the molecules within it, absorb light in a different way, to let’s say, red chillies. The molecules within grass reflect the green wavelength of light from the sun and absorb the rest; likewise with chillies. The chilli reflects red but absorbs all other colours.

“So, moving this forward, and using it as an analogy of the nature of mind-beliefs, we get a sense of their filtering or reflective nature”

Just as with the reflective nature, of everyday objects to light, if you believe you can’t do something, or have no belief in your ability, this is how the mind will negate or ignore your potential respectively.

Our beliefs are similar to the way colours are absorbed (a red chilli is red because it absorbs all other colours except red). Without undue resistance, we simply do the very things, we believe in. In fact, so immediate is the effect, we don’t even notice.

For example, if you believed the belief I’m a good communicator (perhaps translates as: I’m a good talker), you’d simply do it without needing to give it much conscious thought at all. The opposite of this is also true. If you believed the belief: I’m a poor communicator, you’d stumble, mumble, cough and struggle through the whole process, or potentially, you’d never say anything. On this point, is it just me, or are many of our young becoming increasingly poor communicators? Anyway, back on track and:    

“Getting down and dirty for a moment”

Let’s take the example of this belief: Love is control. Now, as absurd as it might seem, it’s perfectly possible (for a while at least) that this belief would award its holder the ability to control the person they’re supposedly in love with. What happens though, when the varying means used for control, inevitably fail?

Perhaps the frustration of such failure would drive them into getting hold of a gun and shooting the individual they were unsuccessfully trying to control? In the mind of such an individual, they may even now, through their insanity, still believe love equals ownership and control. How many murderers (insanely) still think they have the upper hand? Is taking someone’s life perhaps the ultimate in control? Interesting, is it not, how an absurd belief can still potentially be maintained even after its failure. How many perpetrators of domestic abuse believe they’re in love? WTF?

Let’s go further and give a positive, much simpler example, of the filtering nature of beliefs. Consider the belief in luck. As a consequence of filtering life through the belief: I am lucky, you certainly will be!

Every occurrence of good fortune will be attributed to your lucky nature; and good luck to you! In addition to this, the belief you’re lucky, will, in effect bring you more good luck, simply because you’re filtering out bad luck.

“It’s not necessarily the case that you do experience more luck than average, however, seeing life through rose coloured spectacles, as it were, means your life will seem to you, and perhaps even others, more fortunate and happier than average”

One sure way to get above the average, and increase the amount of luck and happiness you experience in life, is to begin wondering how you might filter your thoughts in a more positive way. Removing the beliefs that negatively influence you will be just the start.

If there are presently negative, controlling influences in your life, questioning your beliefs will undoubtedly help you understand why. There will be a reason. Indeed we could all ask: Why are we putting up with the negatives from the people around us? Believing in the importance of living life on our terms, as free individuals – in complete control of our futures – is a filter (belief) to nurture and propagate.

Remember now, how red and blue created the new and beautiful colour, of violet? This understanding helps to clarify how believing the beliefs: love and freedom – mixed together – equal happiness. Ponder on this, it will  help you find its reality.

Personal Development from The Freedman College will help you discover more about this fascinating subject. Contact Us, you never know your luck, or do you?

Educate Me; Make My Life Beautiful

“Imagine every child making that statement”

We’re not hearing it said out loud. In fact, it’s doubtful we ever will, however, for the sake of the children, and their future, we must begin to imagine every single child asserting it.

How many of us regret the things we’ve done in those unthinking moments of the past? Perhaps we’ve been consumed with passion and things have gone too far. A baby has been conceived and an abortion the answer. Would proper sex-education have solved the issue of unwanted pregnancy, and the complication of unchecked psychological damage, of abortion?

Currently only a third of children are guaranteed any kind of sex education in the UK. Even then, are the lessons really detailed enough for children entering adolescence, to make the right choices?”

It’s a certain fact, even when children are properly educated about cause and effect, they’ll still act irresponsibly. They are after all still children. So potentially, the main issue we’re facing, is young adults failing to comprehend the weight of responsibility having children brings.

Explaining, through the use of imagination, how a gorgeous new baby carries such responsibility, and eventually becomes an adult life molded by them, would certainly help. If they remain ignorant of these things, young adults having sex, are unlikely to be considering all the ramifications of their actions. If they are aware of the risks, but carry on anyway, it’s the ability to gain control over instinctive drivings that’s lacking.

Educate

Do sex education lessons include how to help each other achieve sexual climax without penetration? They didn’t when I was young. My advantage as a younger man (regardless of being raised and educated a Catholic) was a clean and clear understanding of what condoms were for. My opinion then and now is bollocks to the Catholic church and its antiquated views on the subject.

“Besides why aren’t parents taking on the responsibility of educating children about sex? Have we not grown sufficiently yet to overcome our guilty embarrassment? Not when we’re taught – through religious antiquated beliefs – we’re guilty sinners, that’s for sure” 

So many lives would stand better chance of becoming beautiful if parents made the correct presumptions. All parents must understood the need to presume the child has made the statement: Educate Me; Make My Life Beautiful. Properly educating girls and boys about cause and effect, the power of choice, how to create opportunity, how to control themselves and the workings of their minds, would create beautiful lives.

Adulthood can be a beautiful thing, when, in childhood, we’re gifted the tools that help us create our own destinies. Thinking skills are these tools. For example, we have so many options and choices nowadays, that once the skills of predicting future outcomes is explained to us, we’re able to eliminate so much confusion. When we ask: What is the likely outcome? We eliminate much of the unnecessary. When we ask: How am I creating this problem? We eliminate much of the unnecessary. In addition to this, taking the overdue leap forward, away from superstitious beliefs and their teachings, must now come. The confusion our children face is extraordinary.

There are so many other humans in this world that seem intent on keeping us stuck in the past. We must be aware, they do this because it serves their purposes, and no one else. They’re deluding themselves, and us, into believing that what they’re doing and teaching, helps their fellow man. The truth, is their nonsense, keeps us from advancing. All delusions are self-serving.

“It takes a fully grown, adults perspective, to help our children fully understand the power of what they choose to believe”

Imagine if you believed, at a level below your awareness, that using a condom is a sin but also knew abortion acceptable by law. Is that confusing? If girls really understood the psychological impact of abortion, they’d be thanking us all for educating them in how to help their boyfriends get their rocks off, without penetration. When we push aside superstitious, confusing and antiquated beliefs, and the teachings that come from them, we stand a greater chance of awarding our children better lives.

“We create beautiful lives when we recognise the natural talents of children and help to nurture them”

“We properly love our children when the goal is to gently teach them how to exceed our own expectations”

We love our children when we empower them. The empty void of their minds from birth needs to be better understood and respected. Confusion and conflict is the root cause to so many of their problems. When the message is clear and exact, there’s a greater chance of the paths – they go on to follow through life – also being clear and exact. Nurturing their natural talent comes when this is simply an extension of how we’re nurturing our own. Closed off, antiquated beliefs, that lack reason or usefulness in a modern would, are to be shunned.  

  

A Beautiful Belief

The question: What is a beautiful belief? Was posed earlier. After a ride out in the sunshine, followed by a shower and then lunch, here is the answer:

For example, let’s say you believed: Peace of Mind is Achieved When Given to Others.

Having stated this, how you offer peace of mind, would need to be in congruence with this. To explain, if you did hold the above belief relating to peace, and yet thought this was achieved through giving people your time or money, with no expectation of any return, you may be in for a rough ride.

For a belief to be beautiful it must work in tandem with the grand scheme of things. In other words, any exchange of energy (money and time in this example) must be reciprocated (in some way) or eventually it becomes depleted. You’ll simply run out of energy. This, based on our current understandings of the universe and its laws, is within the grand scheme.

“It could be you enjoy giving your time and money and the reward for you is simply the pleasure this brings”

Again, there is a slight problem here. Any respect, the recipient of your free time and money had for you, will eventually be lost. They may even come to despise you for it. This is all to do with exchange of power.

Those who simply give, without expectation of return, from any quarter, are in to either alleviate guilt, or gain power borne from superiority. People come to understand this and eventually hate us for it. And so, even though our intention isn’t, ‘give to get,’ it must be seen that once people are on their feet – so to speak – the money and time we’ve given away, must be paid forward.

Paying forward is comparable to the movement of waves; their energy keeps flowing on and on. Expecting direct, immediate return from energy given away, is a self-centered brick wall.

“Paying things forward is part of the beautiful belief: Peace of Mind is Achieved When Given to Others”

When giving of our time and money, we must also instil the belief of why, we’re doing it. We don’t expect return directly, yet we do expect it to be paid forward. In this way we can know – in time – we’ll be rewarded and our energy returned in some manner. This is the belief in there being a law – of natural balance within all things – (described as Dharma in some religions), and when adhered to, this creates peace of mind.

Contact Us if you would like to know more about Creating Beautiful Beliefs.

A Beautiful Li(F)e

“Gaining a beautiful life has nothing to do with status, equality, or justice”

A beautiful life is gained when we’re raised by adults who empower us through their love. Their empowering love manifests itself through a burning desire to teach us how to be fully grown. Being educated and informed, as to the ways of the world, and entering adulthood with our eyes open, means we’re properly equipped, to see through the lies.

Inequality is the result of beliefs held by the individual and the level of their dependence created through ignorance. The uneducated, ignorant individual, can do nothing about inequality. The educated man will see it for what it truly is: The belief in have or have not. The main thing the educated man truly wants and needs – to live a beautiful life – is a family and an empowering love, driving him, to raise our children to be fully grown adults. A beautiful cycle.

“Justice and injustice are a fallacy”

There is no such thing as justice. Where there is no justice there is no injustice. We have peace of mind, and resolution to the wrongs inflicted upon us, when we fully understand the need for painful lessons in life. Seeking justice, instead of understanding, keeps us as children wanting an immature vengeance. We’re taught: In order to ease our pain, we must cause more.

“The response to pain, from an adult love, is the search for understanding”

The parents of a brain dead child, fighting to keep him artificially alive, do this due to their inability to see the rights of the child as being greater than their own. When we, as a species, see the rights of the child, as always being greater than ours (by default), we will evolve into the loving beings we’re (possibly) destined to become.

“If we’re going to award a child the right to life, we must also be prepared to offer this same child, the right to die. The fact we need a court of law, to decide this for us, is absurd”

Parents, who have no model or concept of what it means to be fully grown, are constantly fighting a battle with themselves. They are quite literally fighting for control over their emotions and powerful will of their inner child. They cannot stand to let go of a child they believe to be their property. The child does not belong to them it belongs to itself. We can empathise with their suffering, yet how can we possibly display sympathy, for parents who are prepared to put their needs (to be free of suffering) before the rights of the child? The paradox, is now the courts have instructed them to allow the child to die in peace, their suffering will end.

“The worlds beliefs in money, equality and justice, will change, once we’re free from the suppression of ignorance”

True freedom is the ability to question the beliefs and expectations of others. Amongst many other things, the mature parent, is able to teach the child power of choice. They ask: “If you choose this option what will the possible outcomes be? Are those outcomes something you want?”

Contact Us if you need to know more about freeing yourself from limiting beliefs.    

Listen and I Hear You

“What qualities do we need in order to really listen?”

What is it that makes a good listener? Is it the case, that it’s only those who actually want to be heard, that are? Is it not so much about people listening, but more about our ability, to command the ear?

We’ve all had times when we’ve been talking and known we’re not being heard. I can tell you from experience, being heard, for what we’re really saying, is an absolute rarity. It’s those who’re able to hear the underlying, unconscious messages in our language, who’re the true listeners.

“Perhaps what needs to happen, is the words being spoken, must be considered by the listener to have value”

If we don’t rate the person speaking, as having anything of value to add to our lives, will we ever listen? Do we value ourselves enough to listen? Sometimes, when our self-esteem is low, we feel threatened by those who have something valuable to say. On these occasions we simply block out what’s being said.

It is of course important we have good rapport with those we want to get a message to. Talking about those things that are of a common interest, to both talker and listener, is one of those key ingredients for good conversation. In fact, not saying much at all, and simply allowing others to talk about what interests them, can be sufficient.

Pacing and leading is the method we must use to get our own message across. We listen intently and match the speed, cadence and tonality (even accent) of the other voices. We then look to gently lead the conversation onto topics that relate to our message and our interests.

One very useful consideration at this point, is to be aware of how the filtering systems of our beliefs, effect the listener and what they actually hear. Perhaps you can relate to how sometimes you’ve said something and the listener has completely misconstrued what you’ve said. This is the filtering mechanism of the mind and its beliefs at work.

“If we have poor understanding of what’s being said, we may compensate for this, by responding through the filters of what we do understand or believe”

This goes some way to explaining why, a lot of the time, it’s pretty much a waste of time looking to change someones mind about an issue they resolutely believe in. Unless we begin, by explaining the value in questioning what they believe, we’ll have little chance of changing it.

Finally, listening is also about attention. Gaining a persons attention, so as we may pull them of the track of their own thoughts, if only for a moment, is key. Many people spend a great deal of time lost in their own thoughts. So lost in this way are some, that speaking their name, or even gently touching their arm, will be necessary to gain their attention. Gentleness is also often overlooked.

“It’s worth bearing in mind, if you want to be heard, you must be prepared to listen. If you’re not really listening, how can you expect others, to give you their attention?”

We’re all shouting at each other really, and often it’s those who speak in mild, gentle tones, who speak the loudest. The key, is gaining the listeners attention, in the first place. What needs to happen for someone to gain your full attention? What is your passion? What is really being said here? What are people really seeking when talking to you? Do you value yourself enough to give them your time and full attention?

Are you able to see and feel what someone is saying? Now you’ve cracked it. Rare is it not? Be cautious though, it’s very tiring.

Personal Development – The Rise of Emotional Maturity

Emotional Maturity

“The majority of us have something specific we want to be good at. This, of course, is where the personal element of Personal Development comes into play”

Let’s say your goal was Emotional Maturity. It’s certainly a grand goal to have, and one that benefits not only the individual, but society as a whole. Becoming emotionally mature assists your life and the lives of many. Just being around someone who has this development in mind is a refreshing and beneficial place to be.

From our standpoint, emotional maturity, is based on wholeness. Wholeness is achieved through raised awareness of the self and drivings. Emotional maturity has been achieved, when our drivings become less self-centered, and more concerned with the greater good. This is a fabulous marker for recognising our own maturity. What are your true motivations?  

“Setting great examples to those around us is also an indication of our emotional maturity”

There is so much we can do, that sets great example, to demonstrate this. Take for example picking up rubbish from the streets. If we do this angrily, looking to shame the litter bugs, it defeats the objective. Alternatively, picking up after others, then calmly placing it in bins, sets good example. We’re able to do this when guided by a maturity that understands this kind of behaviour also gets noticed. And better still, it gets noticed, in a positive light. It’s setting this type of good example that makes the difference to those who are less mature than ourselves. They need our positive influence.

To continue with the emotion of anger, as example for a moment, we can know that becoming angry, through the inconsiderate and unthinking behaviour of others, is only useful when directed in a constructive way. It’s only when we direct our annoyance – away from the unthinking child – but at the root of the problem (immature parenting) will we effect change. Emotional maturity dictates we do this, not by shouting and blaming, but through understanding.

To explain further, let’s bring things down another level: What is at the root of immature parenting? Statistics give us a clue to this. Birth rates amongst the poorest in society are on the rise. Why is this? The belief that lack of money equals lack of opportunity may well have a bearing on this. An unthinking attitude to life – only barely self-aware, and as such subservient to our instinctive drivings – obviously limits our options and opportunities.

“It’s not the amount of money we have that dictates this, it’s whether or not we’re able to see the alternatives, through being shown good example”

It is possible to live a full, creative and happy life, without being wealthy? Indeed it is, and all we need now, are more people setting good example of how this is done. Emotional maturity is the start and a prerequisite to all of the above.   

The Company of Friends

The Company of Friends

“His name is Kelly, a young warrior for sure”

He’s sixteen, more mobile now he owns a moped. His girlfriend is called Vanessa, certainly a beautiful butterfly, in his eyes that is; he loves her dearly.

It’s mainly bravado with Kelly, but isn’t that how it is for most sixteen year olds. They know it all, and we know how much we don’t. He jumps right in and calls me ‘big fella.’

“And how are you this morning big fella?” he’ll say.

Kelly complains about his stepfather, who tells him not to spend his money, but to save for a bigger motorcycle instead. I asked him:

‘So what’s so wrong with that?”

“Sounds like a good idea to me” Stepfathers have their uses.

Kelly tells me he wants to pass his driving test and buy a car, “better job prospects” and all that. I read between the lines, of how a girlfriend he loves so dearly, feels about the whole affair.

The stepfather is quite canny because he knows Kelly won’t be told right out. He won’t be told:

“Stop spending your money on that little girl who has none of her own, it’s not your responsibility, her happiness you know.”

He’s sixteen and romantic you see, although there’s being romantic and there’s being foolhardy. Closely related perhaps.

On one level, it may well be, stepfather knows the job young Kelly took on when he wasn’t around. Young Kelly the warrior. Um… yes, that job of keeping mummy happy. The one so many young boys, with only their mummy’s to care for, take on.

He sees it within his stepson; how he cares for young, and moody Vanessa.

“She seems a bit moody and sullen that girl” he’d say to Kelly’s mum. “Nah she’s just young” she replies.

“Young or not, it’s what she is: A player with the warriors emotions”

A warrior cannot fight the game of life for long, or to the best of his ability, when taking responsibility for the happiness of two. Vanessa must learn, or find out the hard way, because her boyfriend is now in The Company of Friends.

The Company of Friends is an organisation with a mission to enlighten. They’re clandestine, all seeing, and wise. They understand the importance of being self-assured, as our young warrior would seem. The truth of self-assured though, is to be self-aware, something you can be, no matter the age. We wonder what would happen if someone said to Vanessa: “The reason you’re grumpy is because it gets you attention, and nothing other than that, my dear.” Would she learn to be happy, to make herself that way?

“An example of where age, or time served, does not equate to experience”

Also, they’re very clever at spotting bravado; as the young warrior must display. Very clever at spotting the takers in life too. Those looking for an easy ride. Ultimately, there is no such thing, but people will feed their nonsense illusions, will they not?

There is no confusion. Love sets you free. Kelly is not in love, he’s just found someone new (now mother is taken care of) to absorb the belief in his role: to make others happy. An impossible task that will in time bring him to his knees.

Take responsibility for yourselves peeps, there is no one else going to do it for you, least not a child. Least not our warrior, who’s now, in The Company of Friends.  

  

COMPANY OF FRIENDS

When I die, let them judge me by my company of friends
Let them know me as the footprints that I left upon the sand
Let them laugh for all the laughter
Let them cry for laughter’s end
But when I die, let them judge me by my company of friends

When I die, let them toast to all the things that I believe
Let them raise a glass to consciousness
And not spill a drop for grief
Let the bubbles rise at midnight
Let their tongues get light as thieves
And when I die, let them toast to all the things that I believe

I believe in restless hunger
I believe in red balloons
I believe in private thunder
In the end I do believe

I believe in inspiration
I believe in lightning bugs
I believe in slow creation
In the end I do believe

I believe in ink on paper
I believe in lips on ears
I believe what’s shared is savored
In the end I do believe

I believe in work on Sundays
I believe in raising barns
I believe in wasting Mondays
In the end I do believe

I believe in intuition
I believe in being wrong
I believe in contradiction
In the end I do believe

I believe in living smitten
I believe all hearts will mend
I believe our book is written
By our company of friends

Copyright 2007. Words and music by Danny Schmidt.

What is a Beautiful Life?

“It stands to reason, one persons version of what a beautiful life is, will differ to another. Even though this is the case, when it comes to the majority view, we do see a common theme”

This theme is the meta-system of established beliefs pertaining to creating a beautiful life. It follows that if we have all the components, that form this meta-system of beliefs, we will be happy, complete and living the dream, so to speak.

The question that arises, for the likes of those engaged in Personal Development, is this: What if that meta-system is something we don’t want to follow? What if we prefer to question the norms society dictates?

Does this list constitute a beautiful life?

  • Find the person of our dreams
  • Get married
  • Buy a house
  • Start a family
  • Work a nine to five
  • Raise a family
  • Retire
  • Die

We must bear in mind, the type of  list above, will always have a potential sublist of problems or pitfalls. For example how many marriages are strong enough to go the distance needed to raise a happy family? How many of us will find and maintain sufficient job security to support a mortgage? How many of us get to actually enjoy a healthy old age we’ve saved for all our lives? We could go on, and of course no matter the kind of life we choose, there will always be a sublist of problems we’re likely to face along the way. It’s just the nature of things.

“The point is, what we find ourselves striving for, in terms of finding happiness and beauty in life, really does come down to what we choose to believe”

Within our definition, of what Personal Development is, we state: “Knowing ourselves better, becoming more informed of our drivings, creates the advantage of removing conflict.”

This unconscious/conscious conflict could have been created through the model of what society teaches us – about finding beautiful lives – having not fitted with our experience of it. In other words, our childhood experiences – that have now become the unconscious model to aim for – didn’t fit the conscious societal model listed above. We have a conflict, between what the individual believes, and that of society as a whole.

“If we want to understand conflict and confusion better, take a moment to consider the propaganda presented by the media – concerning happy families – and compare that to the reality”

Those around us may have tried to fit the pattern but failed spectacularly. The millions of children raised by single parents, without sufficiently effective role-models to follow, stands testament to this failing.

“The model society teaches doesn’t work for all, and especially doesn’t work, when pursued by those who’re ill equipped to find it”

Taking a breath, in order to recap now, it becomes easier to understand. If what we experienced during childhood was a poor imitation of the ideal – of what society believes constitutes a beautiful life – then we will be ill equipped to follow it. We will attempt to follow it, only to find unhappiness, conflict and stress. All this unhappiness and stress is due to our attempts to follow an ideal that doesn’t exist in our unconscious mind. In one form or another we will end up repeating the mess our parents made of things. Unless: 

“What if we changed the list and learned that a beautiful life is something entirely different?”

A Beautiful Life is gained through:

The Random Mind

Random

“They say you never step into the same river twice”

Imagine how life would be if every morning you woke with a completely different mindset. What if each morning you had a completely random set of thoughts? Or, how would life be, if there were nothing concrete about your beliefs about the world whatsoever? There’s no doubt, if your beliefs about everything were fluid and ever changing, you’d live in a complete and utter state of confusion.

Let’s just say for a moment that your beliefs about your job changed every day. One day you wake feeling in love with your work and the next you don’t. Let’s say that one day you woke believing you loved your wife or husband and the next you didn’t. How would the people around you deal with this?

There stands a very good chance they wouldn’t. Living with such a fickle individual would be intolerable; totally insufferable. So it stands to reason, the vast majority of us, don’t change our beliefs on a daily basis. The human mind does need the kind of stability required to make life predictable and manageable. Too much randomness would make things far too unsettling. We require a certain degree of stability. Those whose minds are broken, without any solidity or stability, struggle to live meaningful lives.

“This brings me to the other side of this equation”

Too much stability and predictability can be just as damaging as too little. We must acknowledge the importance of applying some randomness and change into our lives. Without it, we become bored, and stagnant. When a river stops flowing the water stagnates.

So what methods can we employ to inject the necessary amount of randomness into our lives? Well, we could play ‘The Game of Dice’ as suggested in our workbook. A very simple game.

Make a numbered list of six activities and then throw a die. Whatever number the die falls on, is the activity you must do. We’re leaving things to chance, mixing in a little randomness, with this kind of game.  A good example of the kind of lateral thinking that keeps our lives and minds flowing freely.

The Random Mond

“Now let’s come back to beliefs for a moment”

One of the reasons the game of dice is so effective is its simplicity. Another reason for its power, is the application of chance, allowing it to make decisions for us. Here’s the thing about beliefs: they don’t leave things to chance. If you don’t believe something, the chances of experiencing it, are very slim. In this respect, the list you initially draw up to play our game, will be influenced by your beliefs. As such, will it be truly random? It’s doubtful isn’t it? So we think the best way to play the game, is for someone else, to write the list for you. Consider this list:

1, Go Kayaking 

2, Go Paragliding 

3, Ask a random stranger out for dinner 

4, Quit your job

5, Learn to cook

6, Smash the TV

How would it be if you set yourself the proviso, before playing the game of dice, that you MUST do the very thing the die decides? Would life get interesting? How interesting would it get if someone else made a list for you?

“It works a little like this with beliefs”

When we consider that the beliefs we currently believe – that dictate our waking thoughts – were actually decided by somebody else, we get a feeling for the real lack of control, we actually have over our lives. These are the kind of beliefs made for us during childhood:

1, Work five days a week

2, Chain yourself to routine

3, Stay with the same partner all your life

4, Worry about a pension

5, Chain yourself to debt

6, Money equals happiness

On our workshops you’ll get the chance to choose what you’d rather believe. What would you like to believe about your future? Can you see the advantage to living a more random life? Believe you can. It starts here.

Be Ready To Believe

“Failure and rejection are unpleasant yet inevitable aspects to life”

At some point we’re all going to experience them. When we’re rejected we feel we’ve failed and of course we have. Once we pick ourselves up though, we must then come to understand, these things are only an opportunity to do it differently, next time around.

We may need to change our technique, business model, looks or approach . . . you name it. Provided we’re determined to succeed, and we alter what we did to find rejection and failure in the first place, we will. It’s simply a game of numbers. Problems arise, when after failure, we keep on with the same strategy. This is the definition of insanity.

“There are those who set out in business, with a particular product or idea, that has no practical application or demand”

In terms of invested time and money, so far are they, into the pursuit of their idea or product, some individuals often see no choice but to just blindly continue on. They may do this for many more years, wasting time and money as they do, until eventually the penny drops. Once they move on, it may well be, that an entirely different idea or product comes to mind. It’s quite often this new one that succeeds. This is the entrepreneurial spirit in action.

The point of my title is to make us aware of the need for preparedness. We must be prepared for failure and rejection, this way, we’re ready to see this as feedback and opportunity to change tack for next time. Changing direction on each pass – on each attempt – enables us to develop and grow. As we do, we increase our chances of success.

Does your product have practical application? If not you may want to have a rethink. Does your idea have a demand? If not how could you create this? Caution is advised here. We must be careful in how we may be deluding ourselves into thinking our ideas or products are fabulous, useful, or even groundbreaking. You may see it this way, but will anyone else? How will you know until you put it out there? You won’t, and so potential failure must be seen as only the feedback you need, in order to progress. Above all, stop doing what doesn’t work.

“One stumbling block many overlook is their own mind. Believe it or not, our own minds can be the very thing – the very difficulty – we need to overcome, before we succeed”

We’re all aware of the existence of the conscious mind. Your conscious of these words as you read them. What you’re not conscious of – at least until now – is your breathing or heartbeat. These things are cared for by your unconscious mind.

Unlike our heartbeat, we can alter our breathing, because this is something that’s considered semi-autonomic. Consciously changing ones heartbeat is a little more tricky. And so, the things we have conscious control over, are easy to alter and change, once we become aware of them. Becoming aware is the trick.

Believe

The majority of our beliefs remain unconscious until we request them. Beliefs remain unconscious until such a time we need to bring them into our awareness. If all of our beliefs, rattled around in our conscious awareness, all the time, we’d go completely bonkers. For example, the beliefs we hold about what food we like, are not in our thoughts all the time, but do tend to come into awareness, when we’re hungry.

“When it comes to awareness of our beliefs, it may well be, that many of the unconscious beliefs we hold, are having a detrimental effect on the outcome of our endeavours”

Consciously we may believe in what we’re selling, yet unconsciously, we may not. This conflict is a no win situation as the unconscious, always, wins. Unless, that is, we change the programming. Let me give you an example.

Let’s say you’ve taken a job selling insurance. You’re regularly consciously aware of your ability to sell. You look in the mirror and say “damn you’re good!” Perhaps you successfully sold yourself, or some other beautiful thing when younger, and so there’s no problem with your beliefs in that regard. There is one problem though, you don’t particularly believe in insurance.

This lack of belief, or mistrust of insurance, is not something you’re consciously aware of. Deeply set into your mind is the forgotten memory of your mother being conned by an insurance agent. This forgotten memory is creating a negative. In fact, this memory could very well be the unconscious driving force behind you taking a job as an insurance agent, in the first place. That though, is a subject open for further debate, at another time.

Anyway, staying with this example, all we need do is recover this memory and then update or change your understanding of it. In this way, we firstly make the negative belief conscious. Secondly we explained to your mind, this wayward insurance agent your mother met, was only one example. There are certainly many good examples. You being one of them. We also explain, to that part of your mind, the benefits to insurance. This ‘bolstering of beliefs’ will reinforce your ability to sell, as you now believe in the product both consciously, and unconsciously. We remove the conflict, we remove the likelihood of your own mind scuppering your success.

Meditation, leading to light trance, is experienced during the application of the GOLD Counselling method.

Understanding the Ego (a useful take)

Synergies of Passion

It will prove useful to fix your attention on this short post for a moment. If we’re to advance, it’s important we become aware, of what drives us. We must understand the usefulness of the ego and its limitations.

Our ego is what we are, or more specifically, what we believe we are. Put another way, the ego, is the vast collection of beliefs that form our sense of self. Reinforcing this sense of self is expressed when we talk of boosting ones ego.

So when we say: his ego needs a boost we’re referring to the minds need to bolster and reinforce the minds beliefs. The ego is responsible for our reality and the testing of this reality. Confirmation of beliefs is part of this process.

For example, let’s say you believe men treat you badly. In order for your ego to test this reality you may talk openly with friends about how badly boyfriends (past and present) have treated you. The subsequent reaction of your friends will often prove a boost to your ego. In addition to this, continued bad behaviour, of future boyfriends, acts as proof and sufficient testing of your ego’s reality. The fact that your belief is erroneous, due to its generalised nature, (i.e not all men are arsholes) is of no interest to your ego, at all.

Now, as we can see, there are negative limitations to having an ego. It stands to reason, every negative has a positive, so when it comes to its usefulness we can easily sum this up: Without an ego we become a bit of a dullard.

Alternatively, people with big egos, are interesting people. A big ego is a facilitator to living a full life. All this testing and proving – the ego requires to constantly confirm its reality – drives individuals to constantly seek more. They’re seeking more of the feelings created when it receives confirmation of what it contains. We’re given a good feeling when ego receives confirmation of our reality.

“Confusion comes when this reality is a painful one”

On the one hand we have the ego’s need to confirm what it holds (beliefs) and yet on the other hand, we have the pain these beliefs may be creating. We obviously can’t feel pleasure and pain at the same time (unless we’re amongst the growing band of sadists in the world) so ego, will often defer the good feelings associated with confirmation, until later. Playing the victim when out with friends is the time for that.

Now we have a rudimentary understanding, we’re empowered to make some small, yet powerful changes. Know, all and every belief you hold, is very precious to your ego. Your ego will look to grasp on to what you are. You are your beliefs and the ego’s job is to protect their integrity.

The way in which we’re now empowered is through awareness. Once we’re aware of the job of our ego, we’re aware of its limitations. Its limitations are its unceasing need to protect the integrity of our beliefs. 

What you believe, is not necessarily, true.

Personal Development Workshops introduce tools designed to help bypass, our often stubborn egos, and change our limiting beliefs.

Jesus Christ! Just let him move on.

pain, human emotions

Imagine being reminded, year on year, about how the actions and behaviour of your past, are still troubling the people around you in the present. Imagine being guilted in this way. Imagine being reminded of your past mistakes over and over again.

To some extent we do this to ourselves. Our minds, in an attempt to resolve unfinished business, often remind us of our errors in the past. How we mistreated people. How we said or did the wrong things. Sometimes, either by our own memories or by turn of events, we’re reminded of the things we did when young and foolish.

It could be said, the benefit to this is, we don’t make the same errors over and over. As a general rule though, because of our painful, guilty mistakes in the past, we’re simply unconsciously aware of how we must behave now. We don’t need to be constantly reminded of them.   

And so, do we really think that if Christ were alive today, he’d actually be failing to see – how the stuff he believed and taught over two thousand years ago – has lost much of its relevance in the 21st century? Many believe he was quite a smart guy.

This intelligence would certainly be enabling him to understand, the short life he lived all those years ago, was in fact his and our childhood. What he said and did then was as a result of his childish thinking. It’s very likely he’d be totally lost and confused, (if not angry) to see billions of humans still following the teachings he believed in, thousands of years ago, as a child.

Would you want people acting on things you said and did when a child? Do we not normally leave the beliefs we held in childhood behind? Do you still believe, that in the dead of night, Santa comes down your chimney to deliver gifts? Or that the tooth fairy leaves money under your pillow?

“We must leave the beliefs of childhood behind, because if we don’t, we remain stuck in that fearful place. A place many, if not all religious people, still currently inhabit.”

The comfortable position, those who work within the religion industry have placed themselves in, is something they’d rather not have to change. It is human nature to take the path of least resistance, even if this isn’t necessarily, the best route.

With this in mind, when it comes to removing ourselves from the comfortable and often fantastical beliefs of childhood, this can prove to be a painful transition. It’s never pleasant when a child – who truly believes in Santa Claus – discovers the deception. A deception designed by adults to remove fear through creating mystery and fantasy.

Like these adults JC wanted people to be less afraid. How can we think he expects us to still need the fantastical beliefs he devised – to help rid us of our fear – two thousand years on? Beliefs devised when he and humanity were still in its infancy.

Two thousand years ago, many human beings, were barbaric. Fear and guilt were used in an attempt to limit this. Religious leaders must think we’re still barbaric and underdeveloped, and as such, need the control rods of superstition, fear and guilt. Are you a barbarian? They really do have a lot to answer for don’t they? They’re keeping billions, in a barbaric, dark past.

“How do they sleep at night knowing they continue to stilt human development through failing to move away from the beliefs of their childhood?”

Of course the reason they’re unable to move forward is their fear of the pain this would potentially create. The expression: “Your pain is the breaking of the shell of your understanding” will never apply to those who refuse to acknowledge truth.

Emotional pain is something we must be taught to deal with when young. Responsible parents teach our children how to temper their emotions during the trauma of their childhood. It’s the parents, who’ve yet to do this for themselves, that struggle with this responsibility. If we have little sense of personal responsibility ourselves, how can we possibly be expected to teach this to our children? Are religious leaders acting responsibly?

“If the religious ‘Fathers’ want to parent us, and teach us right from wrong, they’d better smarten up their act.”

Smartening up their act would include packing their bags. It’s the job of parents – not priests or whatever – to teach children about the importance of empathy. It’s their job to teach children how to empathise. Once we’re able to do this, right and wrong is understood to have nothing to do with god and religion, and everything to do with creating better lives for ourselves. You give fear and guilt and that’s all you’ll get. Priests often fall off the rails. This comes as no surprise when they’re already riddled with fear and guilt.

“Give someone the gift of an lemon, for example, and you can easily imagine the experience of how it tastes. Do we really need to continue tasting the lessons of two thousand years ago?”

Let’s just allow JC to move on shall we? He’s had enough of his childhood. Back then he was a martyr who, according to legend, got himself nailed to a dogwood tree. Today we can easily imagine – if we put our minds to it – that he’d find an improved, powerful and beneficial way, to teach us all about love, and how to live better lives. Do you not think?

Perhaps he’d still end up nailed to a cross. If the religious leaders had it their way he would. In order to maintain their antiquated beliefs, religious leaders, need to remember their past mistakes. Every. Single. Day. Pack your bags guys, it really is time now, for you to move on.

The Universe Will Test Your Resolve

The universe is testing your resolve, and so, whatever the test, the universe is asking: how strong a human being can you prove to be?
The universe is testing your resolve, and so, whatever the test, the universe is asking: how strong a human being can you prove to be?

Yes, even the universe itself, has willpower, and is designed to test your resolve daily.

That may sound like a very odd assertion. It may sound like so much of the new age wishy-washy-namby-pamby-sentimental nonsense the internet seems so full of these days, however, pause, because you will come to see real, true value in the statement, through gaining deeper understanding.

We could gain this deeper understanding through asking why? Why is the universe so set on testing our resolve? What does it have to gain? And asserting that the universe is testing us, suggests some kind of plan, or even some kind of consciousness. Is the universe conscious?

Well you know what? The only thing that matters is whether or not believing the universe is conscious has any real value. It’s like any belief. When we ask ourselves: is this useful, we’re asking if a believe has any positive input that we can give constructive use.

Allow me to give you an example. Let’s say you’ve very recently really begun to understand the concept of boundaries, and how asserting your needs, is of paramount importance. Let’s say you’ve spent the majority of your life as a bit of a people-pleasing-yes-person, and so full of guilt have you been, that when ever you’ve looked to assert boundaries, you’ve been met by some kind of challenge, that’s caused you to weaken and revert into your old guilt driven ways.

Now, to see these instances as a test, set by the universe, is to acknowledge a kind of universal loving presence, that is working for your benefit. And no I’m NOT going to call this presence God, I’m going to call it a POSITIVE AND BENEFICIAL BELIEF and that’s all. It’s positive, because with this new understanding, it gives the things we found frustrating or overly challenging in the past, a loving purpose. We’re suggesting that everything you experience in life has at it’s root a loving purpose. Is that something that’s useful to believe?

“Whatever the test, the universe is asking: how strong a human being can you prove yourself to be?”

You might now ask: what’s the benefit to being tested on a daily basis? The benefit is development. You can know that if your resolve is tested every day, and you see it as having loving purpose, you will, in time, develop into a beautiful example of a human being. Think about it. 

Through Questioning our Beliefs

Freedom Sitting on a Beach?

Many of us believe that if we just had a little more money we’d be freer. We think that if we only had enough money to set up that business, or establish some kind of higher status in the world, all would be well. The truth is, freedom, has nothing to do with these things.

Clarity of mind:

“This can be achieved through a meditative state. During this state, we must look to drop everything from our minds, that we believe matters. When we’re able to do this, we clearly understand. . . freedom occurs when we shed the layers of confusion brought about through conflicting beliefs.”

freedom
Freedom Costs Nothing

“The common man is indoctrinated into his expectations of life.”

The very broad and general system of beliefs we’re given, come as a consequence of our environment, during childhood. For example, when young, what made our parents happy? This is easy to answer, because most times all we need do, is ask ourselves what makes us happy. Happiness, and most importantly what makes us happy, is a learned behaviour.

“By questioning our ‘learned’ behaviour we escape many of the shackles previous generations have taught us. Paradoxically, many of the means we use to seek happiness, actually enslave us.”

It goes without saying, happiness, well-being and safety, are important to us all. How we find these things varies from individual to individual. One individual might feel free, well, happy and safe when he’s in the local betting shop, placing a months wages on a horse. Another, may feel free and safe sitting in his favourite chair, with his family around him, watching a good movie after a hard days work.

“Yet another person, who has questioned the types of systems we’ve developed to make us happy, may feel all these things when sitting alone on a beach.”

True happiness is achieved when we free ourselves from the illusions created through learned behaviour. When we take the time to really think about it, happiness is a state of mind, effortlessly achieved, when we have balance. A Buddhist monk for example, may well tell you: “happiness is achieved through realising the now moment.” How easy would life be, if we could achieve happiness (a state of contentment) through simply being aware, of our breathing? In those moments of awareness, would we be enslaved by all the ‘trappings’ of life we’re taught to believe we need, in order to be happy? No, in those moment, we’d be free.

“It may seem difficult to believe and accept, the most effective route to the true happiness freedom brings, will include: Creativity, Change, Challenge and Variety. All of which, can cost us, nothing.”

It’s worth considering a different route, to what you believe may help you feel happier, before seeking investment in that business. It’s only ever the ego (the best creator of illusions there ever was) that seeks a higher status in life, and is often driven by fear. Do we fear not seeming good enough? Our fears enslave us.

In addition to all this, raised self-esteem, is something we attach to happiness. The assumption is: low self-esteem equals unhappy. It’s certainly the case, if we’ve found activities – from learning martial arts to having sex – that help with building our self-esteem, we feel happier when doing them. However when this is the case, we’re also working to the same mistaken principle: Happiness comes from outside of us. This belief is our weakness.

Freedom
Small Diamonds Are Used To Change Big Things

We raise our self-esteem from the inside out. For example, if a child is small and weaker than his classmates, the solution will often be seen as something external. With this in mind, is learning martial arts the answer? High self-esteem will only be achieved during the hand chopping, board breaking classes. He’ll still potentially grow up to have low self-esteem in many other aspects of his life. If he never questions the belief: small and weak, he’ll remain this way on the inside forever.

“Now he has his ‘black belt’ what if he were drawn to a violent lifestyle? What if he or adopted a confrontational approach to others?”

Would this be a useful way to get through life? Far better to change how he feels about himself on the inside. We do this through helping him deal with his emotions in a gentle way. We help him question his beliefs about size: small is efficient, small diamonds are used to change big things, and so on.

The paradox is this: The greater the happiness – found through our archaic beliefs – the more enslaved we become.

Happiness is found through the things that help us feel less afraid; when we can fight we’re less fearful; when we own we’re less fearful. The bigger the car, or the house or whatever – now we have the black belt – the safer we feel; all paradoxical.

We really do live in a world that’s a mirror reflection of the true one. When we step out of this mirror – through shedding the confused conditioning of our beliefs – we’re able to see the ridiculous nature of the world we’ve created. Only then, will we find the freedom, that costs nothing.

Is Happiness Always an Illusion?

We know what creates happiness don’t we? Whether it be the simple things in life, like walking the dogs, a nice meal with friends and family, or perhaps it’s the larger things like our work or relationships; we know what makes us happy. Perhaps for you it’s security that works: a nice home, enough food and sufficient money to have what you want and need.

All of these things create a feeling that we call happiness. On a physical level our activities release certain chemicals (dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins) into the brain, creating our happy feelings; we’re happy because our brain is telling us we are.

“Scientist have of course measured this and can now manufacture these chemicals, (drugs) and once in the bloodstream, they actually bypass those things we need to be doing in order to feel happy. So being happy is a physical thing we can measure.”

With this in mind, can happiness ever be an illusion? If we’re creating the chemicals associated with happiness, (ether externally administered or within our own bodies) this must mean that happiness is tangible and real; surely there is never an illusion? If we feel it, we are!

All things considered, and on a slightly different track, we now know all about the placebo effect: feelings can be created through administering the placebo of a sugar pill. As such, the effect of happiness is created by the belief we’ve been given a pill. In this respect we can see that happiness is always an illusion simply created within the mind through belief. We believe that certain things need to be happening for us to be happy. When we believe something works its the belief making it so.

Going back to our opening examples, if we’re unable to walk the dog, or spend time with friends and family, and we believe these things lead to happiness, surely without them, it follows we’ll be unhappy? To explain we can use a certain group of people as example: prisoners. Are all prisoners unhappy?

We know there’s currently a lot of self-harm and depression in our prisons, and so is it the case the removing a person’s liberty, always leads to unhappiness? Actually, no, this is not the case, some people are actually happier in prison, than they were in the outside world. In particular those who’ve been institutionalised.

“One might say, that to a greater or lesser extent, we’ve all been institutionalised, and our happiness is simply the consequence of what we’ve come to expect from life, and what kind of life we need to be living, in order to be happy.”

Depression in the outside world is on the increase also, and considering our quality of life has never been better, we might want to wonder why. Perhaps old beliefs are beginning to break down and we now need some new ones.

Try this one. It’s my belief that happiness is a state of mind that can be found no matter the circumstances or quality of life. That might seem an odd assertion, however, this kind of positive mental attitude (PMA), is achieved when we have this fundamental understanding:

“Happiness already exists within us and is found (released) through the change and challenges we set ourselves. Contrary to this, beliefs are often the false, illusory root to our failing happiness.”

When it comes to depression we can say that this is simply a symptom of feeling stuck. Even prisoners are able to escape depression once they’ve been given sufficient challenge and variety. Exercise, for example, is a popular activity in prisons, as this helps to release the chemicals mentioned earlier, and also sets competition and challenge between inmates.

Further to this, it could be said, the type of people who find themselves incarcerated in our prisons, have confused beliefs on life, and once they’re made to feel safe, with sufficient challenge and variety, this is all that’s needed for them to feel some kind of contentment. Potentially imprisonment has challenged (but not changed) their beliefs, and so once released back into the wide world, confusion sets in again, causing them to reoffend.

happiness
Happiness is often an illusion maintained through lifestyle

Coming back to the illusion of happiness for a moment, let’s consider the average man and what he needs to be doing in order to feel happy. How about spending the day watching television, does this work? How about working all week living with the expectation of watching his local football team at the weekend, followed by a few beers when out with his mates? Is this man happy?

The average man would probably tell you that he’s okay with this, and he’d be telling you the truth. Provided his beliefs for happiness are being fulfilled, all is well. His expectations (beliefs) may well be that he must work all week, in order to afford seeing his local team and buy beers later, and when this is the case, he’s sorted. For the average man problems can begin when this pattern is threatened. For the average man, security and stability are the linchpin to his happiness. I would consider these beliefs to be illusory.

“I say this, because there simply wouldn’t be enough variety and challenge in this kind of life, for it to lead to happiness. Once a man raises himself above average, his old beliefs break down into illusory, leading to frustration, dissatisfaction and depression.”

And so to sum up, happiness will be a failing illusion under certain circumstances:

1, When induced by manufactured drugs

2, When governed by old and average beliefs

3, When driven by possessions, habits (good or bad) and security, rather than challenge and change

Happiness is real, lasting and tangible when:

1, We understand it’s ‘released’ from within through challenge, change and variety

2, We’re able to push aside our fear of losing the illusion of security

3, We recognise how the average man imprisons himself through his beliefs

Breaking free? Find true happiness and do so.  

LOVE IS EMPOWERMENT

Good Parenting

privatedick
Examining the Evidence

I read some figures recently, which suggested that 50% of how a person turns out as an adult, is genetic (nature), and the other 50% interacting with others (nurture), but the latter 50% was almost entirely due, to out of the home influences. In other words, how we turn out, has very little to do with how we’re parented. The person, we can attribute this astonishing claim to, is a Scientist named Steven Pinker. At this point I feel it’s worth telling you, during my time working as an Analyst, I’ve never found this to be the case, in fact, quite the opposite.

Many of us are aware of the principle, that the observer influences the outcome of whatever they’re observing – in my world we can most certainly attribute this to the filters of beliefs. For example, if you believe bears are beautiful, you may have a room full of teddy bears, yet if you’ve ever been attacked by one, and as such hold negative beliefs, (bears are men killers) you’ll potentially see teddy bears as a contradiction. As are many things in life, Steven Pinker, included.

Now, we must also be cautious in terms of my experiences: have the issues surrounding my own upbringing affected: A, the Analysis of my clients and: B, the type of clients I’ve attracted into my consulting room.

When we look at A, it is entirely possible that my beliefs and expectations have influenced the analysis of my clients, however, as an analyst with an awareness of this danger – trained in very specific techniques that eliminate leading the client – this possibility is sufficiently guarded against. In addition, it’s been my experience, that the responses given during analysis, have often surprised me to such an extent, I’ve nearly fallen out of my chair.

Looking at B, we’re almost certainly entering the world of woo-woo to suggest the majority of clients entering my consulting room, have issues with their parents, simply because I had a traumatic childhood. Perhaps if I’d advertised my services as being specific to parent/child issues, this would be the case; I didn’t.

children-under-a-tree-300px

Perhaps to some extent, all of this is a little irrelevant when I tell you Steven Pinker, was also of the opinion, that parents shouldn’t work hard at how they raise our kids, if they wanted children to like them.

“Curious, but I though parenting was about raising balanced, respectful and responsible adults, not about being liked by children.”

If you want to be liked by our children just give them what they want, however, as we should all know, giving children what they want, is not, by any means, what’s good for them.

One thing is for sure, if you want your children to respect you, once they’ve become adults, give them what they need for the future (love) not what they want in their present moment of wanting. If they don’t like it, then we need to better develop our negotiation skills, and how to train our children to think about cause and effect. Something lacking in some of today’s young.

Lens flare light. Cross on peak of Hoher Goell.

“One other thing that caught my attention this week was the observation: because Christ was a carpenter, it proves that we don’t necessarily need intelligence to be effective. Remarkably condescending considering how many intelligent carpenters I’ve met, besides, I always though Christ was a tradesman who believed in love.”

In this respect I’d agree with the sentiments – we don’t need to be intelligent to be successful – as love, and love of our children, has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence. In fact, intelligence, it would seem, can be a total block to properly understanding it.

All in all, an interesting week, let’s hope next week is as much fun. א

Take the Easy Route

“​Today is going to be filled with good news, yep good news all around, and I’m going to start with a blinder (or eye opener depending on your perspective)”

Beliefs

This good news I’m sharing with you, starts to take real effect, when we help each other shatter some very limiting beliefs and illusions. The first illusion I’m going to help you remove (so you may help others) is the one concerning comfort and ease.

Currently most of us believe we are living a life that is built on making our experience of it as comfortable as possible, that is to say, the system – or patterns of thinking we’re following –  are the one’s designed to make life easy and comfortable.

To expand, consider what is meant by the term ‘Social Norms.’ Fitting in with social norms means we’re following the path of least resistance, and as such, you may think this is the easiest way to live life: to fit in.

There is the illusion, right there. What if the reality, of the social norms most of us are living under, were in fact one of the most difficult ways of life? What, if the world we’ve built around ourselves, was in fact designed by a limited few, simply for their own comfort? What if the lives, the majority of us live out, were in fact the tedious trudge of struggling to find something that will always remain an illusion.

Think of the man working night shifts in a hotel. He calls into his local newsagent, every morning to spend a massive percentage of his wage on lottery tickets, in the hope of escaping his horrible life: illusion. Think of all the gentle souls wondering when it will be ‘their turn’ to get some kind of lucky break, a lucky break that involves happiness through money and lifestyle: illusion.

“It’s when we’re striving for equality – in this regard – that makes life hard. Chasing illusions is the hardest way to live and the easy path was the one we’ve been told to stay clear of. Social Norm?”

It’s my belief, the key to living a life to its fullest – and not necessarily form joy to joy or leisure to pleasure (like it or not, we must have some challenges and pain in life) – is freedom.

“The kind of freedom I’m talking of here is freedom of thought. When or thinking is expanded, beyond social norms, we’re then able to see the difficulties therein.”

In other words by questioning established patterns of thinking we free our minds to look elsewhere. Let me explain:

It’s often the case that those who drop-out from society are seen as living a very difficult existence. Images of sleeping rough, drinking problems, mental health issues etc. come to mind. What though, of those individuals who live outside social norms, and yet thrive? I’m talking, of course, about artists.

Those who live a creative life, and not just a life that has creativity in it, one that is creative as a whole, live freer lives. To put it another way, those who live their whole lives in a creative manner, live freer lives.

“To live creatively is to live against social norms, in fact, there are those who would say that social norms stifle creativity.”

At it’s base level, one of the most influential factors to living and thinking freely, is belief. Questioning beliefs, built by a system that favours the few, is where we must begin.

Consider how religious beliefs only truly favour the few. It’s those at the top of the hierarchical systems, built into religions, that are favoured. These people scam a seemingly effortless, comfortable life, at the expense of all others. This is achieved by maintaining control of the masses through fear and guilt.

These precious few, at the top of the religious hierarchical systems, continue to con us into believing they’re working for God. Be assured, they are not, they’re working for themselves.

“They’re self-employed decorators who constantly need to paint over the cracks of their lies, hypocrisy and deceit. I wouldn’t allow them near my house, would you?”

Beliefs
We believe in this when we’re kept in a system of control through fear and guilt that belongs in the past

Helping others question their beliefs is one of my missions in life. It continues here. Notice these two pictures:

Beliefs
We experience this when we believe life is about having
Beliefs
We experience this when we believe life is about giving

Once empowered through knowledge and understanding, what we choose to believe, can be up to us. All we need do, is begin to question where, when and how we learned what we believe. Our beliefs then become only something we believed back then, and in the present moment now. The future? The future is up to us and what we choose to make it.​

Beliefs
Image Credited To: Pinterest https://www.pinterest.com/source/bobbybones.com

Living a freer life, really can be this simple, when we think creatively.

A Puppet to Your Beliefs

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Take control of what lies beneath the surface

If every individual took responsibility for themselves, and acted within guidelines based on love and integrity, what kind of world would we live in?

If every parent and teacher understood the power and influence of their beliefs, how would this affect our children?

If you’re unhappy with your life, the expectations of others, or indeed the way of life dictated to you, how would it be if this conflict were to be cured?

Be objective and take a moment to consider the world we live in. Do the troubles of the world outway the comfort, love and happiness we all generally feel? It’s said that even though our quality of life is better than it’s ever been, we’re still not any happier today, than we were a hundred years ago. Staggering when you think of that.

“What can we put this down to? Potentially this has a lot to do with how the realities of life often don’t match our beliefs and expectations. Again, at it’s base, we can consider this a conflict. Conflict between belief, reality and the ideal.”

Consider how, just today, the living wage has risen here in the UK. Does this wage rise mean that all of a sudden two million people are now going to have better lives? On the surface we would say yes, however, once those two million people have grown accustomed to the extra cash, over time they will begin to seek more, leading to unhappiness, once again. The human condition no less. Are we not all just April fools?

What if we had expectations of life that matched, or were slightly lower, than the reality? In other words what if we were already comfortable and contented earning seven pounds twenty per hour? What if the extra thirty pence became a surplus? Would this make us happy; to have more than we need? Most of the world’s population believe they need more than they have. Is this not the root to unhappiness?

Is it not the belief we need more – or at the very least be equal to others – that breeds discontent and unhappiness? What is equality anyway? How would it be if we believe happiness is purpose? And what if we believe that this purpose were to live a simple life, giving of oneself, finding contentment in needing nothing other than the clothes on our backs, roofs over our heads, and food in our bellies? What if we all understood the reasons for why this seems so hard to achieve?

What if we helped children find contentment rather than teaching them to constantly seek achievement? What if we taught children that being great is to live a simple life, living within your means, never taking more than you give to the world? Does this sound like a dream? Does it sound like idealistic claptrap?

It will sound this way if we’re caught up in the world’s beliefs and caught up in the games of our wilful egos’. When we master the driving of our id – our instinctive selves – only then will we find true happiness. Those who have this must live as example to all others.

“The only problem being, these people seem to be in the tiny minority, with the smallest of voices. The thing to remember though, is if you’re seeking to be truly happy, listening to the whispers of the hushed minority, is the game you must now play.”

It is possible, even when living amongst the deafness of this world, to hear, loudest of all, whispers of the wise. Work that one out, if you will.

Thoughts, Words and Worlds

Thoughts, Words and Worlds

From the moment we’re born the world is introduced to us through words. From a midwife exclaiming “Oh look it’s a little hitler!” – purely because the child was born close to the date of hitler’s birthday – to a mother’s first words to her daughter: “you’re just so beautiful,” all these words, have influence over us to varying degrees, for the rest of our lives.

A word spoken can be very different to a word thought. Let’s take the example of the midwife calling a mothers newborn son a ‘little hitler.’ No doubt at the time: 1 am 21st April 1965, with the mother and midwife having lived through world war ll, it was potentially heard as a joke. If it had been left in that moment, then perhaps this would have held true, however, with the child’s mother repeating this ‘joke’ on every birthday over the years, the joke turned into something else. What effect, do you imagine, would there be to the individual described as a ‘little hitler’ on every birthday during his childhood? No effect, some effect or a cataclysmic effect?

You may think I’m being dramatic to describe a supposed joke, repeated every year, for many years, as having a cataclysmic effect, however, this would be to underestimate the power of words and language; one of the few things that attempts to separate us from the barbarism of nature.

“Consider the cumulative effect.”

As our ‘little hitler’ grows, begins to learn about war, and specifically the ideology and beliefs of hitler, understandings, both false and true, begin to formulate in his mind. Now, pause for a moment if you’re assuming I’m going to tell you all about a child who started to turn into a monster. In fact due to some very different words, also heard during his childhood, our ‘little hitler’ pursued a very different path indeed. He was drawn toward the priesthood but never officially became one. Cataclysmic to say the least, as being a priest – outside of any priesthood – is likely to be an indescribable pain to endure. Far better for the newborn boy to have simply been described as beautiful.

Now, you might be thinking: hold on, how does being labelled a little hitler link and connect to being drawn to the priesthood? To answer that question, all we need do, is understand that the part of the mind we’re dealing with, doesn’t communicate through logic. Consider dreams, how often do we wake from a dream thinking: ‘well that made perfect sense?’ And so, when we think of the potential for anger – at being associated with a monster purely through gender and birth date – this anger can have a provocative, reversed effect on the individual. Consider the often spoken about successes of individuals who’ve been told by teachers: “you’ll never amount to anything lad.”

And so, words, spoken out loud and heard in childhood, become our very thoughts and quite obviously continue to influence us in profound ways. Words and the process of our minds are intrinsically linked and connected. Feelings are expressed through words. Intentions are expressed through words. Our lives are expressed through words. Our beliefs and thoughts are expressed through words.

“That final truism is the domain of the GOLD Counsellor. When we take a thought or feeling, expressed in a word, and write it down, we then have a snapshot of that thought or feeling.”

Changing tack slightly for a moment, our use of language may grow as we get older, however, the feelings we’re describing, remain the same as the feelings first felt as a child. For example, we may write down the word: exuberant – to describe how we currently feel – and yet we may have described this feeling as ‘smiley’ when we were small. So even though we’ve used a ‘grown-up’ word in the present, the feeling associated was one we first felt many years ago.

Back on point. Pinpoint Analysis, takes these written words and identifies the very moment we first associated them with the feelings. In other words if we described ourself as a ‘happy person’ on paper, it’s possible – through the GOLD Counselling Methodology – for us to pinpoint the very moment we first learned this belief (thought).

More importantly, if there are times when we’d label ourselves in a negative light, let’s say ‘unkind’ and we were also encouraged to write this down, we could explore the very moment that feeling was linked in the mind to the word. We may well find that the feeling was driven by a childlike mentality, and this new understanding, would empower us to step away from such a limiting belief. Is it not the case that to be unkind is to be emotionally stunted? Are terrorists emotionally and mentally stunted?

So there we are: feelings become words become beliefs. We are bound to our thoughts and feelings linguistically; we are the words we use, as we are the beliefs we use language to describe – they are are one and the same. Understand where we first felt the feelings and we understand where we first learned the words that described them. The words we use describe both feelings and beliefs.

When raising children we must be very cautious in our use of language. The child who doesn’t wish to share his toys, or punches his classmates for that matter, is not unkind, he is simply emotionally immature.

“Without intervention the neglected, love starved child, remains emotionally stunted and immature all his life.”

Words

We emotionally stunt the child when we fail to explain the value in behaving in a different way. When we encourage children (through love) to share, and see the value in being gentle with each other – and then perpetually describe them as ‘kind’ – we have a better chance of raising children to become humankind, rather than what we’re currently seeing within the terrorist mind.

“Be assured: a terrorist’s hatred will have been seeded at a very early age and didn’t necessarily have anything to do with his current cause. Now they’re older they have simply found an outlet. That, is all there is to it, nothing more.”

There are those who would prefer we didn’t recognise this, as it once again – and rightfully so – increases and places the burden of responsibility, fairly and squarely on parenting. It emphasises the importance of love and emotional maturity within the worlds parents.

How to Get Lucky

Golden Cog Gears with Personal Development Concept.
Good luck can be created by design

Why? Why spend time and money getting involved with Personal Development?

Well, the truth is, it’s only a small minority that do. The majority of people hold to the belief we learn by our mistakes, or assume we enter adulthood, already knowing how to make the best of our lives. Not many value themselves and their minds sufficiently in order to clearly see the benefits to continued learning.

Take for example going into business. We might think attending business school wise, yet what about the psychology of relationships? Do we understand how best to deal with business partners? Is there anything to learn, about our own psychological makeup, that could help us succeed?

“Going into business ‘half-cock’ as it were (or a relationship for that matter) can be both emotionally and financially costly”

Starting a business, armed with useful understandings of human psychology (in particular the psychology of beliefs), can only aid a smoother experience.  Also the greater our understanding of human relations, the greater chance, of our success. In both these respects, involvement with Personal Development Training, simply spells out the actions of those who would rather avoid a few terms at the ‘school of hard knocks.’ Yes of course we learn by our mistakes, however, forewarned is forearmed, as the saying goes.

“Forewarned we’re able to avoid the many pitfalls, learning by mistakes or simply living off our whits, can bring”

Now, when it comes to luck and good fortune, you might think: ‘you either have it or you don’t.’ A limiting way to think for sure. Limiting, because we believe, luck is something you can make. Making our own good luck starts by being properly informed and prepared.

“Starting out by investing wisely in you, through better understanding your own mind, is how to design your future luck. Future luck, is designed by understanding how the past continues to influence the present, and future.”

If you already believe you’re a lucky person, it’s potentially unlikely you’ll seek out Personal Development. It may well be, that you’ll live by this belief – going from one win to the next. Be advised though, only working from the belief you’re lucky, is going to lead to that inevitable spate of bad luck. Far better to nurture the good luck belief, and then gain the knowledge of it’s opposite, to avoid that inevitable fall.

Now, you may think it obvious, that the opposite to good, is bad. You’d be incorrect in this assumption. Bad is only the counterpart to good, it’s opposite is ignorance. Think of a naughty child. The child is only naughty because he doesn’t understand – or has never been shown – the benefits of being good. Therefore good and bad are seen as equal counterparts that get what the child seeks: love and attention. When we show a child the benefits of being good, in terms of their own well being, it’s counterpart bad diminishes, and it’s opposite ignorance, is then worked upon.

“In other words, we’re teaching the child, how to think.”

Understand concept

So, designing luck, is the kind of thing only the pragmatic do. It’s these wise individuals, who’d rather not survive by the skin of their teeth, relying on chance alone, that seek out continued development. It’s the unlucky who never truly understanding the difference between good and bad. Changing ignorance into ‘informed-wisdom’ is creating our own good luck.

The first lesson is in the form of this question: What do you want? You’ll never know anyone, least of all yourself, if you don’t know what they want.