Standardisation

Standardisation

The only standardisation needed

We love our labels, categories and types don’t we? We believe we’re making things easier for ourselves by doing this. Are we not in some ways limiting ourselves though?

Seeking to fit people into type or category has an effect on our expectations. If for example, before meeting someone, you were told they had Autism, your expectations would seek out any ‘unusual’ characteristics they might display. You would label and categorise such a person in your mind. This would then influence and limit (depending on any fear or prejudices you might have) the outcome of any interaction with them.

The alternative, of remaining ignorant to any kind of label or type, means your experience – and therefore future outlook – of an Autistic person, would be entirely different.

It’s not unlike a person who’s been given an expectation relating to someone with a hearing impairment. The hearing impaired often face difficulties in how people interact with them. At times they feel insulted in how they’re spoken to. It’s the expectations and beliefs of others (the common misconception that deaf means stupid) that’s the driver here. This creates the vile outcome of being spoken to in a manner that’s suggestive of them having greater disability than they actually do. In fact, hearing difficulties tied to Autism, can mean quite the opposite.

*Hyper-vigilant or hyper-aware individuals can experience tinnitus and deafness that is in direct correlation to how stressed and aware they feel  

As an individual, who’s lived with hearing issues most of my life, I have actually experienced such a situation. To make matters worse I’ve often been abused and bullied by those who see disability as weakness. It’s fortunate I realise, those who seek out – what they believe to be a weakness – in order to feel powerful, are the kind of people I need not be bothered with.

It’s the standardisation that we all live with that creates these kind of prejudices

Be it racism, sexism or prejudice against the disabled, it’s the attempted standardisation of us all, that’s the cause. Sometimes children have a lot to teach us in regard to how they see through this. Children don’t see issues with disabilities race or gender, because they’ve yet to be infected with the beliefs and prejudices, of the adults around them. There is such a thing as a beautiful naivety.  

Indeed we are all different and so seeking to standardise people is a very limiting state of affairs. However, there is one thing I believe we must all be taught, as standard.

Self-love is a concept that needs to be a standardised understanding

When we’re able to truly love ourselves, because we’ve been taught how to do this from an early age, I believe much, if not most of our current mental health issues, would not arise in the first place.

Teaching a child how to love themselves, is a very easy process, provided the adults who care for them, understand it themselves

Self-love is the ability to put one’s own well being as a priority, but never at the expense of another. Personal responsibility must be fundamentally tied into our universal understanding of self-love. Another way to put this is through the concept of healthy-selfish.

Healthy-selfish is when we put ourselves first without guilt

Healthy-selfish is when we’re compassionate and loving toward our fellow man, only because it selfishly gives us pleasure, to do so. If we fail to gain pleasure, from being giving and loving to others, it’s because we’re mistaking self-centered, for selfish. Potentially we’ve yet to move on from self-centeredness if we expect others to fix our problems, love us, or take responsibility for us. Selfish and self-centered are two very different states. The latter belongs in childhood.

If we were to teach self-love – understanding it to be a prerequisite for a healthy mind – we’d have a far greater chance of removing all other types of standardisation. We’re on good solid foundations when we fully understand and possess self-love.

It’s important to realise, the aim of standardising this one thing, would be to raise human awareness. It’s teaching children adult prejudices and beliefs that reduces this.

*Proper rest is important for such an individual.

Tao Wisdom

Night/Day Tao Wisdom

Here’s a quote from ancient Tao wisdom:

“Those who know don’t talk. Those who talk don’t know. Close your mouth, block off your senses, blunt your sharpness, untie your knots, soften your glare, settle your dust. This is the primal identity. Be like the Tao. It can’t be approached or withdrawn from, benefited or harmed, honoured or brought into disgrace. It gives itself up continually. That is why it endures.” – Lao Tzu

Now initially, and to put it in descriptive, layman’s terms, I though this was utter bollocks! However, I have since given this some thought, and now realise it is in fact very clever, very clever indeed, and I’ll tell you why.

“It’s recently come to my understanding, that the only true way to influence people, is through example. It’s not what you say; it’s not what you write, it’s all about what you do.”

Tao Wisdom

What you do and how you act will ultimately be reflected on the inside. In other words, how you behave toward others, becomes your internal reality, as the behaviour of others, becomes a direct reflection of you.

Treat people unkindly and they will seemingly return this behaviour. This also works in the opposite direction. In other words, if your mind is full of conflict, confusion, anger and bitterness, ultimately, you will become an angry and bitter individual on the outside also.

And so with this in mind, let’s say you adopted the attitude of the Tao and simply pretended to be a calm, well adjusted individual. Would this mean that in time you’d become that very person? Well, you would if you knew how to ‘act’ in a calm and well adjusted, manner.

This is where the living by example comes into play. Living by example means you need not say anything, write anything or indeed strive for anything, other than what you are at root: a calm, loving and well adjusted individual.

Tao Wisdom

Believe it or not that is exactly what you are. The keywords used here are: “at root.” When we get to the root of who we are, we’ve cracked it, and the way to do this is to follow someone who sows this example. Simple.

“In actual fact, this is the true power of counselling and mentoring. The counselling-mentor need not tell you anything of themselves or advise you in any way whatsoever.”

Quite simply, the age old questions such as: “and how does that make you feel?” Or “what do you imagine would be the best solution?” are a cleverness we often overlook.

However infuriating it might seem, when the counselling-mentor simply reflects back your thoughts and words, so as to act as a sounding board, they’re following (albeit unknowingly) the ‘way of the Tao.’

Time, they say, is a great healer, and when it comes to the time it might take to discover peace of mind, and therefore understand what truly matters in life, through following simple example… well… what can I say? It could take a lifetime. Perhaps the real secret, is to have more than one. Who knows.

Life & Tao Wisdom

All in all, if you’ve been shown good example through your childhood or early adulthood, from those you love, it makes you a very lucky and fortunate individual indeed. If not, find someone whom you believe to have a beautiful life, and study how and what they do; follow their example.

You may think wealth, and all it brings, is the way to a beautiful life. You might have some people in mind you could model yourself on. If so, good luck. It’s my belief though, that it really doesn’t have much to do with money at all, it’s more about love. I see – we all see – that money is important, and we also see the importance of love.

Tao Wisdom

And so to break the rules of the Tao for a moment, I will share this small piece of wisdom with you, if I may:

“Love and money are a little like oil and water, they simply don’t mix. So, if you want a beautiful life, find some people to model yourself on, who have plenty of that magic ingredient called love, in theirs.” א 

For the Love of You

“Gamesmanship skills are important if we’re to make it through life in an easy and comfortable way. Understand the games of others better.”

Gamesmanship and mirrors
Gamesmanship and mirrors

You meet someone for the first time and you think: ‘Um…. not sure I like this person.’ They may seem a little conceited or arrogant or sanctimonious, or whatever. So you decide to not bother getting to know them any better and move on.

Or how about you meet someone for the first time and they come across as a lovely warm and kind person. You decide: ‘Yum… I’d like to get to know this person better,’ so you stick around.

“For the curious though, wondering what it is that makes these impressions so powerful, is an interesting way to move forward and know ourselves better.”

Put in its most basic terms – and so that we may take out any potential conundrum or confusion – all that we see, within those around us, exists within us.

Put another way, each and every person is simply a mirror of ourselves. This understanding is an extremely effective way of coming to terms with a deeper self. A deeper self the ego would prefer we didn’t see, and would prefer to protects us from (just one of the reasons why you may be dismissing what I’m currently saying).

When we know ourselves better we’re closer to becoming a whole human being, and once this is achieved, the improved comfort and ease with which we view others, helps us to lead more flowing, less stressful lives. An aspect of stress, is created when we’re less comfortable with ourselves and less at ease due to a self that harbours conflict and confusion.

blackboard5

“There’s no doubt, the world would be a much more comfortable and happier place, if we all knew ourselves better.”

Along with the understanding just given, one other thing that would make our world and your internal state more harmonious, would be to gain an explicit understanding of a game called… one-upmanship.

The way of us humans is to be in charge of each other, on one level or another, all of the time. This is particularly the case with those who lack an understanding of the self. This lack can tend to lead to less control over themselves, and those who lack control over themselves, seek control over others.

To a greater or lesser degree we all play the game of one-upmanship. Whether it be the disabled individual barging his way through crowds on pavements with his new invalid carriage. Or whether it be the individual who has achieved high status academically, both, are playing the game of one-upmanship. The game of ‘I’m better than you.’

Incidentally, there is one school of thought that suggests the disability – that put our friend in the invalid carriage to begin with – was actually gained in order to be (in their eyes) better equipped to win the game! And so what of our high achievers?

“Just how desperate are we to win this game? A game that can be particularly tricky to play as the methods employed can be very, very subtle indeed.”

Of course, the easiest way to rise above any game, is to not play it in the first place. However, knowing the rules – of the one-upmanship game – could be considered a necessary part of life if we’re to be successful, happy and prosperous.

Simply acknowledging the existence of the game, and how we may be playing it, is fundamental if we’re to advance. A prime example would be the following:

If you’re going to meet someone, be it in business or in your personal life, be on time. Poor timekeeping is part of the game, and if we’re meeting someone, who fully understands this, you’ll be creating stress and disharmony, before you’ve even started.

And so there we are, love of you, is love for everyone. This may sound a little ambitious and idealistic, yet ultimately, if we all knew our own minds and bodies better, a more harmonious world it would be.

Someone to Look After You

Become a God Yourself

“Those of a religious persuasion are comforted in the knowledge there’s someone out there looking after them”

That there is a God, a higher force; an authority making decision and changing things for them. They believe they’re a product of this God, designed and put here, to do His bidding. For the religious, there is someone or something looking after them.

It doesn’t matter what hardships befalls the religious either because these things have been sent as a test. A means for them to prove themselves worthy of His approval; to be welcomed into his loving arms at a later time. Very reassuring and comforting I’m sure.

My own birth mother was a very religious woman. I understand the need she had for her beliefs and I also understand their consequences. She would wrap herself and those around her in a controlling blanket of guilt. So encapsulating was this guilt, it stifled and crippled us all. My total rejection of her faith, and my family in general, was the result of needing to free myself of a crippling past.

“Before she died my mother sent me an email with a video attachment”

No words, no subject, just the attachment. The video clip was one of those ‘guaranteed-easy-get-rich’ schemes. It went on for ages telling me how rich I’d get by following their ‘remarkable’ trading system. No actual information, just a sales pitch: images of a rich man going about his business getting out of large cars and into private jets. After ten minutes of this tawdry twaddle I switched it off. In my mind there’s no such thing as ‘easy get rich.’ Unless you win the lottery that is, but where’s the fun in that?

“Anyway, having thought about things, I understand why my mother sent it”

It was so strange. After having little or no contact with my family for over ten years, I receive a video, telling me how to get rich. As mentioned earlier, I fully understand the beliefs my mother held, and so now realise the get rich video was sent as a means of ensuring we never meet in heaven. She was sincerely hoping I did get rich. For a rich man can never enter the gates of heaven.

And Jesus said to his disciples, “Truly, I say to you, it will be hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” When the disciples heard this they were greatly astonished, saying, “Who then can be saved?” But Jesus looked at them and said to them, “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”  

On reflection, and knowing what she believed, it would stand as a vile and cruel thing to send someone who held the same beliefs. A kind of curse if you will. It’s fortunate that my beliefs are a little more practical. Besides, if you’d like to follow what Jesus said, all you need do, is become a God yourself. Plenty have. “With God all things are possible.”

“You see, I don’t believe in heaven existing anywhere else, other than the here and now”

In fact, whilst being very much alive, it’s possible for anyone to experience heaven. All you need do is sit on a cushion, legs crossed, eyes mostly closed, mouth slightly open with your tongue tucked neatly behind your two front teeth. Now all you need is to quieten your mind by gently focusing on your breathing. Heaven is experienced when you’re truly in the now moment, with no cares, no worries, no expectations, no awareness of the past or the future, just now, just breathe. Now is all that matters. There is heaven.

Become a God Yourself

When I think of the religious; such lonely people, it makes me a little sad. Often when I think of the billions crying out for someone to look after them, a small, salty tear, rolls down my cheek. Their abject refusal to grow up and take care of themselves, and stop wondering about who might do this for them, is staggering in its blind temerity.

“Thankfully there are billions of other people who know the truth of their situation”

The majority understand: If they don’t take charge and responsibility for themselves, some other humanwill look to do this for them. For those in the know, that prospect, is hell on earth. Hell on earth is created when we stumble around leaving things to imaginary Gods. The chances are, if you wait long enough, something good will happen in your life. The religious will put this down to God. I put this down to mathematics.

Do the maths and help yourself get ahead with additional, practical, thinking tools. Become one of the Gods. You can apply using this form.

The Only Game to Play

king and queen

The first thing we must understand is how we’re currently all being played. It really doesn’t matter what’s being presented to us through the media, all we need know, is its nature: Gameplay.

If we look at the big picture, in terms of migration and the displacement of millions of people from war torn countries, this picture helps us understand how leaders are playing on the world stage.

For example, if a chemical attack were staged, what would this kind of plant serve? Would staging chemical attacks, give world leaders reason enough to get involved with a civil war, that’s raging out of control?

Is world war – all be it a proxy war in Syria – something human minds crave for? Humans enjoy fighting. Gameplay leads to an inevitable scrap. In fact, gameplay, is often the precursor, to a full blown ‘gloves off’ fight, on any playground.

“With all this said, let’s bring it all back down to earth again and talk about the individual”

From recent experience I fully understand the power of the majority view. Even if this view is at opposite ends of the scale. This scale could range from lackadaisical to warmongering, or passionate to indifferent, and it would still infect us all, when expressed by a majority. The majority view is very powerful yet not necessarily correct.

“Think about the majority view on alcohol. It was once believed, a small amount of piss was good for us, now we understand this to be bunkum”

The ability to set ourselves – above the game-view of the majority – is gained when we embrace our true individuality. In order to achieve this, it’s tempting to imagine this individuality, as superior in some way. All we’re likely to get through this attitude though, is membership to another majority group; and a very unpleasant one at that! Pointless. So no, separating ourselves from the majority, through believing in superiority, is counterproductive.

“We rise above the majority by embracing our individuality and changing the direction of our thinking” 

By being clear in our minds about what our purpose and direction is, and having this as our motivation, we raise our game; not through thinking we’re somehow superior, but through being led by cleverness. There’s no cleverness in thinking we’re superior. There is cleverness in believing our driving is one of compassion and love. With this understanding in place, the only game we need play, is one driven by the positive emotions they create.

It’s clearly stated in the rules of this game, if we want love for ourselves, the world and others, we must look to teach: – ‘those things we understand that others presently don’t.’ In other words, once we understand what the cleverness of love would do about war, we must then teach others about this.

And so:

What would love do about war? Would love find a peaceful resolution by making a smart move within the world-game? And if so, what can you, as the individual, do about this? Perhaps, all you’d need, is an understanding of the nature of the games we all play.

We can help you with that.        

An Elegant Solution

elegant solutions
Elegant Solutions

What kind of problems have you resolved through finding elegant solutions?

“We could say: An elegant solution is something that easily resolves, a seemingly complicated problem or puzzle, in the least possible number of moves”

Throughout history many clever people have come up with elegant solutions to difficult problems. Consider the many modern household appliances, that have made such easy work of things that were previously, labour intensive. For further example, consider our modern sewerage systems, and even the humble toilet, that we now take for granted. Previous to these inventions, we had to tolerate the diseased stench of untreated sewerage on our streets, and in our rivers.

Further elegant solutions were found, once it was understood, how and why disease spread so easily. The chlorination and fluoridation of our water systems is now commonly accepted and understood.

We humans are very good at finding easy solutions to modern day problems. With that said though, do all of our solutions actually solve problems, or do they just apply a surface layer that covers up the true issue? Many of our solutions do just that. The problems mount when there’s commercial gain to be had with surface layer solutions.

“How would it be, if along with the simple invention of the u-bend in our toilets, no one had bothered to link all of these toilets to a modern sewerage system? How would we cope if it just continued to end up on the streets as usual?”

So obviously, we did need to tie up several things, for our modern sewerage systems to function successfully. The same goes with household appliances; without the discovery of electricity, they simple wouldn’t have come about. We needed the elegant understandings, of how to tame electricity, for the invention of things like washing machines and vacuum cleaners to come about. In the same way, we must ‘tie up’ many of our ideas, to create a lasting effect.

“Much of what we humans do isn’t quite so elegant and is simply disguised as such”

Easy examples of this, would come in detailing how we tend to chase our tail, with so many of our problems. We’re often closing the gate well after the horse has bolted.

Much of the mental illness we’re currently experiencing could easily fit into this bracket. Pills and potions are all well and good, however, we do have the problem of ongoing commercial gain to deal with here. Once our sewerage system was thought out and then built by the Victorians, it was done for the masses and it was made to last. Improving the quality of peoples lives and indeed keeping them alive was the main concern.

We could say this about antidepressants. They improve peoples lives. Recent studies have confirmed the effectiveness of antidepressants and do indeed improve the quality of peoples lives. However, this must be seen, as one of those surface layer solutions. Surely we can’t just go on taking pills all our lives, we must find a long term, elegant solution, to depression.

Some might ask: Why? Why can’t we just be as Huxley’s Brave New World and take pills every day? My answer to this is dependency. It seems that the human race has ensnared itself with dependency in so many ways. The more dependent we are on others for our well being, be this mental health or indeed just simple happiness, the more enslaved we become.

“Freedom is the name of the game here. Without sounding paranoid, human beings are very adept at enslaving each other”

One of the reasons for this is to create the illusion of power. It’s a human trait many of us have become blind to. Another reason for dependence and slavery is financial gain. There’s no doubt the manufacturers of the antidepressants – found to be the most effective in the recent study mentioned – are currently rubbing their hands together with glee.

Often though the enslavement of people happens because it’s just human nature to do so. Think of ants, how they enslave and farm the aphids that produce a nectar, they simply can’t get enough of. It’s in their’s and our nature to use others for gain. We must ‘tie up’ these understanding and never forget each individual element. We must never forget the unpalatable aspects to human nature.

“The elegant solution, that now comes to mind, is that of uncomplicated and easily understood information”

Much information is confused and convoluted through it being overworked. Once a solution is found we often seem unable to just settle with that and then move on. We constantly come back to things that need no improvement whatsoever. In the process we add confusion and reduce the power of the original understanding. How is it we can’t reinvent electricity? Because we didn’t invent it in the first place. We didn’t invent the human mind yet seem intent on adding chemicals that only add confusion to a problem easily resolved.

Clear, easily understood information can resolve problems of the mind. Allow me to give you an example.

We’re told there’s no single cause of depression. It can occur for a variety of reasons and has many different triggers. These triggers then go on to effect the chemical balance of the brain. Medication is often used to redress this imbalance.

“Ultimately, whatever the trigger, that starts a downward spiral into depression, we must accept that it’s our mind doing it”

We must take ownership of the cause before we can deal with it. Once we can say: ‘Okay I know I’m creating this,’ we’re then better able to ask how. We must ask: ‘How am I doing this?’ What thoughts and mechanisms are creating my depression?

The loop we’ve found ourselves in, could be treated with medication, however, does the medication deal with our tendency to dwell or worry? Unlikely. What will deal with this, is taking responsibility through reducing dependency, never through increasing it. Being a slave to our thoughts creates depression, as does being a slave to the beliefs and expectations of those around you, and society as a whole. Escape comes in the form of elegant solutions that are easily understood.

Personal Development Workshops in Association With GOLD Counselling

Personal Development Workshops an elegant solution to improving lives.

Focusing The Human Will

Sexual Harassment

“I notice in the news this morning the actress Emma Watson has donated £1m to a new campaign aimed at helping those affected by harassment”

It’s a certain fact that sexual harassment is an uncomfortable and unsavoury aspect to human behaviour.

During my early twenties I qualified and worked as a driving instructor. During this time, I met some lovely and interesting people, who I successfully helped gain their driving licenses. Also, during this time, I can remember being sexually harassed. It wasn’t too common but it went on. Allow me to list some of the more memorable incidences:

  • Asked by a transvestite I was teaching in Birmingham if I liked cock (not keen, ugly things really).
  • Also whilst instructing in Birmingham I was inappropriately approached by several predatory gay men.
  • Whilst working for BSM I was harassed for sex by a fellow female instructor, who made her desires clear, by suggestively sucking bananas in the office during our lunch and tea breaks. She did this so often it just got boring in the end.
  • Harassed by a student who, during her lessons, liked to talk about sex and what she ‘got up to’ with her partner. Very active young couple I can tell you.
  • Accused by an employer’s wife of “having my brains in my balls” whilst making it quite clear she thought this okay.
  • A young woman, who’d just successfully passed her test, placed her hand on my knee, thanked me, and then handed over her phone number and told me if there was anything I needed I should call her. My wedding ring was clear to see by all those who inappropriately propositioned me.
  • Held in a bear hug and lifted of the ground by a fellow instructor (with an erection) whilst he told me all I had to do, was think of myself as really heavy, and he wouldn’t be able to lift me off the ground. Something to do with martial arts apparently. I understood this later as a ploy for him to get his jollies by rubbing his erection up against me. I discovered some years later, he’d been jailed for sexual abusing children, he’d ‘taught’ martial arts. Are those guys properly vetted these days?

Anyway, the young, naive (and happily married) twenty something that I was, simply brushed these uncomfortable encounters off, chalking them down to experience. I was quite aware of the reputation driving instructors had (it’s pure fiction), yet it remained clear to me what my intentions were: To earn a living doing a job I enjoyed.

“Sex for humans comes very high on the agenda”

Many humans spend a lot of time thinking about it; less as we grow older, I suppose. You name it though, we humans like to do it. From golden showers, to having sex with animals whilst taking a dump, it’s all up there. And you know what? Who cares. So what. Isn’t it time to wake up to the truth instead of fighting amongst ourselves?

Men are sexually harassed on a daily basis. I clearly remember an old friend of mine (who really, really liked sex) telling me, woman have a clitoris just as you have a penis mate, so get out there, and get yourself some. After my marriage fell apart I certainly took his advice. Those clitorises certainly do drive you girls to distraction don’t they?

“Denial, it’s so destructive”

Best policy, as I’ve always advocated, is to properly educate our children. We must teach them the why and how of it all. We must teach them how to tame the often destructive natural impulses we humans have. Once again boundaries and respect for each other come into play. When we teach our children, about what there is to gain from being polite and respectful to each other, magic can happen.

We must keep in mind though, no matter how polite and respectful we are, others will look to take that from us, and infect us with their dysfunctional behaviour. Not being able to restrain and control our impulses (natural or otherwise) is definitely a disfunction that needs addressing. I wonder if Emma Watson would be prepared to donate a further million to that particular educational program? Doubt it, there’s no revenge, drama, pain or blame in that game, is there?

“Focusing the sexual energy of the human mind – or sublimation as the more enlightened like to call it – is a beautiful skill many would gain from”

When will we teach, with necessary transparency – the predatory nature of the human animal – to children? Enlightened children, who have a greater chance of actually becoming fully grown adults, will effortlessly deal with sexual harassment. The best means of doing this is through transparent-honesty and to cease fuelling the fire’s of denial and ignorance.

Men harass women for sex and women harass men, get over it, and learn how to defend yourselves. My means of defence – as a very sexy and desirable twenty-something – was to simply rise above it. They had poor control . . . and? Their issue, not mine. The next time you feel you’re being sexually harassed, how about making things clear to your abuser, by simply stating this:

“You have poor boundaries and poor control over yourself, look up the word sublimation, with all that energy appropriately focused, imagine what you could achieve”

My dear fellow humans, learn this off by heart, you may find it extremely beneficial.

I Will Never Be Silenced

Shame and Guilt

“The control rods of shame and guilt are being used against the voices of reason”

It’s seems no matter if our opinion is reasoned and well thought out, shame and guilt are being used as a means of silencing, those who believe in the rights of the child.

“Reason is in fact the true control rod, yet when people stop listening to this, because it’s cold reality frightens them, the train starts to leave the tracks”

It is not homophobic to state the opinion: children have a right to be raised by a mother and a father. It’s just an opinion. If you don’t like it, come up with a counter argument, but don’t look to silence and control free speech through guilt.

It’s believing we have a right, to anything we want, irrespective of the rights of others, that’s creating the human rot so often seen throughout history. Control and ownership gone mad is war. Millions have lost their lives fighting this and many more will no doubt continue to. Isn’t it about time we started respecting those who gave their lives for our freedom, by protecting free speech? We’re still fighting a war of sorts right now.

“When victims refuse to take any responsibility whatsoever, and look to understand their part in matters, we have the north south of victim driven mentality”

Taking responsibility empowers us to protect ourselves. When victims point the finger of blame and say: this is all your fault, they become powerless. Power is when a rape victim says: “yes I drank too much and next time I’ll be sober, carrying a fucking rape alarm.” Stop thinking there is no such thing as the human animal, there is. If we fail to protect ourselves through our naivety, we must acknowledge and accept this failing, or fail over and over again.

Stopping free speech, because we’re frightened of the truth, (or our own homophobia, remember what criticism is) creates a society that’s driven by the repression of ignorance. When we refuse to acknowledge cause and effect we add to this ignorance.

“It’s important we really start to take a close look at what we are in fact doing. When we take away the black and white of boundaries, and the proper respect of nature, we muddy the waters, to such an extent, we’re endangering our very survival”

You might think that last statement a little dramatic, however, if we don’t learn the lessons from the past, they’ll keep repeating themselves. From experience, I can tell you, this is a horrible prospect. Control and ownership are the most distasteful human diseases. The human need for these traits is so powerful they can gently and subtly creep into society without our noticing them. These traits, will always be there in the background, we must learn to spot them quickly.

“Our tendency to deny truth is the war we must fight”

Truth sets us free, so how is it we struggle so much with this? Because it hurts, that’s why. We struggle to accept that our self-centeredness may be denying our children the future their genes decided for them. We struggle to accept, we simply cannot have everything we want, without their being a cost. A cost we’d rather not acknowledge.

The cost, is we lose our fight for the rights and freedom for all, before we’ve even started. This includes unborn children. Self-centered ownership of our children is saying: the needs of the few, are greater than the needs of the many; another disease of humanity.

Advancement

Advancement

“It could be said we’re all advancing. From the moment we’re born, it starts. Be it simply growing or learning, our brains and bodies are developing, we’re advancing”

The question is, to what extent are we advancing compared to others? Of course, comparing ourselves to others, is potentially never a good idea. We’re all different. One person’s view on what it means to grow and advance may differ greatly to another. Just so long as we’re changing and developing, in some fashion, all is well. The point remains though, the quickest development, is the greatest gain.

Life is short. We’re all in a hurry. This isn’t surprising considering the uncertainty of it all. Live the moment. There’s always a bus ready to run you over. You never know what’s around the next corner. You could be dead tomorrow etc., etc.

“With this in mind, let’s also consider the close correlation between the words ‘advance’ and ‘advantage.’ The quicker you advance the greater the advantage”

In this moment now, I believe the quickest, most effective advancement, is to raise awareness. As I experience people, it’s all too obvious to me, many lack self-awareness. When we take a step back and think about the behaviour of some humans, we can see, it’s a lack of self-awareness, that drives their self-destructive patterns. We could say this lack is a form of mental illness.

Now, adding to the array of labels associated with mental illness, isn’t necessarily a good thing, we have plenty already. With so many children craving attention, and the mental health professionals so keen to pander to this through creating new labels, why add to it? Give me a label though, and it makes me feel so, so special. I’m Autistic, Dyslexic, Asperger. Are you? Or are you just a lonely human exhibiting a difference for attention?

“Does giving us labels help with self-awareness? Or do they close us down and give us something to live down to? We could live up to somewhere different. An awareness that gives us advantage”

Once we become aware of limiting behaviour, devoid of a label, we’re more able to change it. Let’s take the limiting thoughts and behaviour related to sexism, bigotry, racism and intolerance. Is it not the case that labelling ourselves may be creating a form of individuality, yet also creating, a separateness? Can we be individuals without others being intolerant? I believe we can through raising awareness.

For example, what’s behind the behaviour of sexism? Why are we intolerant of others? Is it because we’ve given them a label? Does the label mean less or more? Why is there hatred? Raise this: Hatred is a consequence of a lack of self-awareness. We hate what we don’t understand about ourselves, and project it, onto those we’ve labelled.

As children, when the adults around us display their hatred of other humans, we, as sensitive children, take this on, to our ‘selves.’ We only ever hate our selves. This is then projected. Children don’t see differences as occurring outside of themselves, they internalise them, and learn to hate their selves. Get it? The suicide bomber is blowing himself up. Clarity? 

Anyway, we just love our labels, don’t we? Think of this: I’m a Muslim, I’m a Christian, I’ve got a degree, I’m black, I’m White, and on and on we go. What if we removed all of these labels and simply had one? This one: Flawed Human.

There’s no getting away from the fact many want to be seen as better than others. To have the bigger car, more money, a better job, a more loving God and so on, however, the trick, through raising self-awareness, is we begin to see the nonsense of this.

“There is also a paradox to this trick. We need the driving to be better; to be more advanced, in order to want raised awareness. Once we have it though, some become enlightened to our often, ridiculous nature of wanting superiority. A Beautiful Paradox”

Seek the advantage of advancement and discover this Beautiful Paradox for yourself. When you find it you will also find a beautiful freedom. The freedom of Self-Love.

Remove the cancer of negativity

Negativity

Think about dreams. Think about their symbolic nature. More than symbolic, we could even go as far as saying our dreams, are metaphorical.

Dreams are the language of the unconscious. Taking this one step further, what other methods of communication does are unconscious utilise? Our unintentional, or unconscious behaviour, is of course a form of communication to others. So what about the unconscious communication our mind uses, along with dreams, to speak directly to our consciousness? It’s important to consider the symbolic, metaphorical nature, of unconscious communication.

Gilbert Ryle condescendingly referred to René Descartes‘ concept of mind-body dualism as: “The Ghost In The Machine.” It’s also certainly clear to me, no duality exists between body and mind, hence the term ‘bodymind’ found elsewhere, in this blog. As such, when we look closely at this inseparable and complex link, we can safely say, the unconscious communicates in any way it possibly can.

When we see dis-ease as a clear communication from the bodymind, we’re on the right track, to taking full control of our lives. What do you imagine – with everything said so far – is the bodymind looking to communicate, through the dis-ease of cancer? What metaphorical meaning can we attribute to a cell that won’t die; a cell that refuses to stop replicating itself? Can we consider this cells refusal to die, a metaphor, for not letting go? You bet we can.

“It’s important we understand the necessity in letting go of negativity. Repetitive, negative thoughts and memories, are the product of a mind that refuses to let go. We must understand the message our bodymind sends us. Cancer is a clear message: Let go of the negatives from the past.”

Some might say forgiveness is the tool needed for this letting go. I say forget forgiveness, we now have better tools, at our disposal. When we truly let go of the past, forgiveness becomes irrelevant. When we’re able to fully and completely move on, through dropping the past – as you’d drop a piece of rotten wood – we free ourselves of a negative future. That’s right, I repeat: We free ourselves of a negative future.

Remove the cancer of negativity
New Growth once we remove the cancer of negativity

We can teach you how to use tools that utterly dispose of the self-destructive negatives from your past. You can find your application form here.

Pinpoint Anger

Anger

What makes you feel angry? What is anger? Do you ever feel angry?

I’ve never considered myself as someone who’s quick to anger. This has not always been the case though, as a much younger man, feelings of anger, were quite common.

“There are times nowadays when I feel like I’ve come full circle. As an older man, I’ve become quick to anger once again, however, there is a difference”

Previously I’ve become enraged and not really fully understood why. When I look back now, I can clearly remember times of anger. From drunken punch-ups in the street, to punching holes in hollow doors, I’ve certainly experienced it. Yet now, I become angry, at very specific things. The anger is controlled (I don’t punch holes in doors) and drink has absolutely nothing to do with it. I no longer do drugs.

To help explain my point, I can share with you an interesting experience I had with anger. It was about six or seven years ago driving home from the airport in the early hours of the morning. I’d just spent a disastrous week away in Croatia with a lady friend of mine.

On the drive I’d nearly fallen asleep several times through exhaustion. On reflection I now understand that I was exhausted through keeping my anger in check. Such was my rage at the time, I worried what might happen, if I let it out. It was important I keep it under control and it was exhausting me.

The lady in question had spent the last few days of the holiday giving me the cold shoulder. The reason for this I’ll explain later, suffice to say her behaviour was irrational and manipulative. In being quiet and aloof, I understood it for what it was: Manipulation. I’d been, and on the drive home, was still being manipulated, through her silence.

“In her state of suppressed anger, my lady friend, instead of having it out with me, so to speak, had decided the best policy, was silence”

To add to this she’d moved out of our hotel room to find a separate one of her own. For the last four days of the holiday it was as if I didn’t exist. The silence in the car on the drive home was just as palpable. I wasn’t going to allow myself to be manipulated and it was exhausting me. Going into a rage would have enabled her to take away my power. I would have been expressing her anger; her fear.  

The whole incident, and reason for the ruined holiday, was a rather off the cuff comment I’d made, about her erratic and extreme reaction to wasps. There were wasps everywhere. Every time one was spotted, my companion would jump around swatting and ducking in a panicked, irrational manner. We couldn’t, at any point on the holiday, eat outside. Not good in a Croatian summer.

My intention all along had been to help put her fear into perspective. So to apologise, for drawing her attention to the irrationality of her behaviour, would have also taken my power. Power she needed to defend her irrational behaviour.

“There is no flaw in being afraid, yet sometimes the fear is irrational. Swat at a wasp, for example, and you’ve more chance of getting stung. Leave it alone and it will do the same. Simple”

Anyway, back to the drive home from the airport. I’ve never experienced fatigue in quite the same way before, or since, this incident. After thinking about this for some time, I now fully understand why. The energy I needed, to hold on to the rage I felt, at being manipulated, was so intense, it was draining me to the point of exhaustion. It’s energy was vast.

Nowadays I have a far better understanding of these things, and so realise, as soon as someone exhibits this kind of behaviour, all I need do, is make them aware of it. Once someone realises you know their game, they tend to give it up, or find another strategy to manipulate you with. What that other strategy might be, is a whole different matter, and subject for another post entirely.

And so, being quick to anger is fine, as long as we understand the reason behind it. When this is the case, we’re better able to direct it at a specific target, in order to protect ourselves and get our needs respected. In other words, and continuing with the example of my holiday, everything could have been quickly resolved, if I’d simply used my anger to confront the situation, head on.

This is the exact dialogue that I ought to have used:

“Your silence is manipulative and I understand your fear.”

Pinpoint anger, is the power to get your needs met. I needed energy to drive us home safely, not to repress my confused rage. Along with that need all I wanted was to drop her off at her flat and never see her again. If I’d crashed the car – something my lady friend had experienced with a previous boyfriend – it could have killed us both.

“Anger, may well be the power to save your life, and that of others”

Let’s hope for some happy summer holidays guys.

An Extraordinary Presence

CommunicationI often drive down to the car park opposite the beach. It was here, whilst listening to the birdsong in my head, that I thought of you.

Watching the seabirds and surf I thought to myself: it’s true to say, if we’re in love or have ever loved, it never leaves us. It remains an extraordinary presence.

I thought about remembering being lonely. So lonely it ached. At the time, I didn’t even know, the ache I felt, was loneliness. Now, all I need do, is think of you. How you’ve found a way into my mind and settled there, as that constant presence, is what‘s so extraordinary. How did you do that? You did it because you knew I needed to be saved.

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

On reading this you might think these are the words of someone who’s found God. They are not. They are the words of someone who has found their self. This wasn’t possible alone though. He needed assistance.

Because of this, it forms in my mind, that true love, is actually a skill. To lift someone; to pull them up to a higher place, regardless of where you are, is a profound skill. The skill of love. Some might say that this is a natural aspect of human nature and cannot be taught. To this I say: “I can teach you.”

How could I possibly claim to be a teacher of love? I claim this because the ability to teach love, without actually knowing it’s so, is something we’re all capable of. All we need is the desire to empower another human being.

“If you have no wish to empower others, you’re missing out, and will potentially never discover true love within yourself”

Of course how we empower – by what we believe empowerment is – defines the purity of our love. For a rich man to give you money, for example, is no form of empowerment. Even when we’re not particularly wealthy, just giving money, can never be empowerment. If we do this it must be accompanied by the skills required to use that money wisely. Without that, what we achieve is the entrapment of dependency: the opposite of empowerment.

When we think of dependency, it’s possible to understand the power of Christianity. Many are dependent on this version and presence of love. Christians supposedly love Christ, however – and even though they may feel the presence of His love – how they love him back is flawed. How do they empower a dead man?

“The only way to empower a dead man is to respect the memory of His presence. Christians supposedly do this through living by His example. It’s my opinion, as long as there are children suffering in this world, all Christians are being hypocritical”

You might now ask: How can we ever possibly eradicate all the suffering of children? My response is to say, we can’t. However the ability to empower – to love – starts, when, at the very least, we open our eyes to the hypocrisy of religion. For religious leaders, to fail at recognising where our problems lie, is hypocrisy. They’re not doing their duty; their job, as they themselves, have prescribed it.

In addition, whilst any religious leader continues to live in luxury, they continue to fail at their faith. They fail at honouring the memory of their idol, whether that be their particular form of God, or indeed, Jesus.

It’s the same with all religions. The religion is there to serve the individual. If religion was the force for good it’s supposed to be, surely education ought to be the main driving. At one time it was. What was taught back then obviously reflected the times though. Surely, if religion wants to stay relevant, in the 21st century, it needs to get up to date with modern understandings of the human mind. They need to understand where modern man is stumbling. Instead, they continue to reflect this very stumbling, with their own poor communication skills.

“At its root, love depends on communication. If our communication skills are flawed, the message is confused”

It’s no good just saying: ‘I Love You.’ In order to communicate this fully, we must act on our feelings. Like the woman I overheard telling her child ‘I Love You’ and then backing this up by giving her son all of her attention. This happened in a cafe incidentally. The proprietors had the foresight to provide reading material for children. She read to her son, whilst also enjoying the environment, of the cafe.

Most others in the cafe enjoyed the children (calm and entertained) too. I particularly enjoyed witnessing her attentiveness. The empowerment of love, was not only in the words she used, it was also in the communication of her attention. In time when the adult is alone, without his mother, he will remember the attention she gave him, and this may well be enough to take his loneliness away.

How we love each other through empowerment is deeply rooted in how we were (or not as the case may be) empowered in childhood. When we think of religion and how Christianity in particular has created the presence of Jesus as a constant, it’s easy to see the attraction.

“What we must remember though, is the constant presence of love, is only there when we’ve been touched by it; when we understand it”

The child in the cafe was touched by the love of his mother through her giving him time and attention. Religion attempts to do this by teaching us what was shared thousands of years ago. Much of it irrelevant today. To be touched by the empowerment of love, we need to feel that it’s of value, now, today.

Many still need the anchor of their faith. The unfortunate reality of religion though, is many of the lessons are no longer relevant. Their anchor is a poor imitation of love. A true guiding presence is one that is relevant in today’s world.  

On this note, finding love within oneself, is about understanding the mind. It’s about understanding, that as we grow, their are aspects of the mind that never die. The may get quieter, even to the point of not being heard at all, yet they never fully go away. Adults that were lonely children, for example, will always remain lonely (no matter what) until they understand what it is they were lonely from: the self.

It may seem odd to say we can be lonely from ourselves and yet this is exactly the case. So many of the difficulties we experience are due to a lack of this self-awareness. We constantly look around for something that will fill this void. Be it other people, drink, drugs or anything that will sufficiently distract us from ourselves.

“Sitting in the quiet is likely to be the hardest thing for the lonely to endure”

A lonely person sitting in the quiet is likely to become increasingly uncomfortable. They begin to struggle with the feelings their mind creates, yearning for the love and attention missing from their lives; their childhoods. Anything to get away from those feelings.

Once we’re made fully aware, of what we are in fact committing to as parents, childhood suffering will diminish. I can’t see religion helping with this anytime soon, what I can see though, is an educational programme that gently teaches the skills of love through empowerment. This will only ever be achieved through clear and clean example from the living, never the dead.

We may feel the presence of love, from those we’ve loved and lost, but the dead can’t evolve any further than the point and time at which they died. Something the religious choose to overlook. Let’s open our eyes and evolve.

To Right The Wrong

He woke from the dream. A terrible night. In his dream people died, the oceans were full of plastic, and men shot rhino’s to cut off their horns. In his dreams people possessed each other. They owned each other. He saw it clearly: a woman wearing cloth over her face, as a man punched a fist into the air, the other hand holding a rifle. Just before waking, he’d been curled into a ball, hands protecting his face, as they’d beat and kicked him. He’d woken with a headache. Invalidated once again.

Dreams

The people didn’t want him to right the wrongs it would seem. He was on his own again in this battlefield of games. The love holding him down, never setting him free. Their denial and confusion so pervasive.

Each morning, after waking from his dreams, he’d enter a world much worse. The dreams were nightmares for sure, and yet the real world, was no relief at all.

‘You’re just being maudlin again’ he reminded himself as he prepared for the day ahead.

He knew not to turn on the news, he knew the ‘hearing devices’ weren’t working. They weren’t making it sound any better. The mad hysteria and manic behaviour of the children he noticed, didn’t get any clearer with his ‘ears in,’ it just made it all the more obvious how insane they’d all become.

Men in their thirties and women in their fifties acting like they were five. He’d had more stimulation from the mind of a five year old. A five year old that wasn’t afraid that is. He enjoyed the will of this child as he understood its need. With a handicap – as such – of being young, naive and small, children’s compensatory-will was a beauty to behold and encourage.

When the adults played the same way it made him want to weep.  

The fear comes later you see. The pressure to conform, to work, to pay bills, to spend their lives doing what they hate; drinking to numb the horror of their wasted lives. A lifetime as a child.

‘That’s better!’ they’ll say, with a smack of the lips.

We all know what to do though: consume, consume, consume. There’s no one to show us how to be grown anymore. Those in charge are as the child. Juvenile leaders of the world. Just remember:

“My buttons bigger than yours”

“You cannot have if you do not pray”

There were those who thought relief for this man would come in death.

Running into the thunderstorm, powder washed from his face. So many think suicide a painless release from this waking hell. Though suicide would only add to the confusion, pain and guilt, of those left behind. Trapped. Trapped for now.

Besides, he knew all this suffering and violence, couldn’t be real, could it? He knew the troubles of the world couldn’t be as his dreams showed him, could they? He knew that humans couldn’t be so unaware, are they? So unaware of punching and kicking him everyday. He’d curl up in a ball, protecting his face, and die one day he knew.  

handbed-300px

As night time comes around, the nightmares are here; headaches the following morning. Invalidating his illusions yet again.

The punches and kicks may be silent in dreams my friends, but they hurt, just the same.

Pegasus Brought Down By a Bird

“It true to say it’s often the little things that can defeat the mighty and powerful”

The elitist with their superior intellect, vast wealth and cunning ways, are often exposed by the detail. Small, simple understandings, shared by those with good intentions, will often bring down the exploitative takers.

Consider the inequality of sexism, still so prevalent, in the world today. So ingrained into society is this, that it seems an almost insurmountable task to change it. Although it may seem this way, steadily, over time, it is changing. Exposing the detail is key. Transparency paramount.

Take intellectual elitism. If we want our children to do well in life we send them to schools and academies. We seek out the best of these and hope for college or university later on. After all, the best jobs are reserved for those who’ve proved themselves worthy, through gaining good qualifications.

“Although we see the sense in further education, this doesn’t automatically mean, we must also gain a superior attitude.”

Further to this, we might want to compare an educated man, to someone who has no academic qualifications at all. A man who lives in a beautiful part of the world, earning his living walking the streets, picking up rubbish all day. Is he happy? Well, he lives a very simple life, with expectations on life, relative to his income, so we could easily say yes, he’s happy. It’s all relative.

Could we say that this man is unintelligent? Or would it be better to say he’s the one who’s actually getting it right, having the full measure of elitism and the elitist intellectuals, with their fragile egos? When he retires, in eighteen months time, he’s going to buy and live on a boat. Will he be on his holidays and they doing their rounds?

“It’s all in the small, simple, detail you see. With all these people reaching for the top, by over-complicating an already over-complicated world, we can easily get lost. Keeping it simple means we keep an eye on the thing that really matters: Loving each other”

Finding a state of mind, where we’re no longer struggling for the top – playing the games of the fragile ego – means we easily find contentment and happiness. When we understand all the unnecessary nonsense, played out by our warring egos, we come to realise how we waste so much of our lives.

Stepping out of the games enables us to see a better way to live. Simple, humble and unassuming, are the qualifications for a better life. Stop the war and enjoy your life.

Understanding Love

Additional tools to help navigate our way through life, love and relationships

“When we truly understand love – following its simple rules – we will live life well”

It’s interesting because we immediately think, following the rules of love, throughout our lives, is likely to be the easiest path. It is, however, there is one important proviso: We must all have a clean and clear understanding of what it is.

We watch the news and it becomes very easy for us to jump on the same bandwagon, as journalist, and start aggressively pointing the finger of blame. In the past I’ve done this myself. I’ve ranted and become angry and frustrated. It doesn’t change things when we react in this way though, in fact, it just makes matters worse. Far better to understand why – the things that are wrong in our societies are prevalent – and then educate people into understanding the dangers and repercussions of failing to love and protect our children.

“For better to educate people into understanding the hows and whys of their behaviour and then teaching them how things could be better thought out; thinking skills are needed”

Now, we could say this is a loving response to neglect and abuse, for example. Abuse happens, keeps happening, and this will remain the case, as long as people are ignorant to the truth of how and why. Raising awareness is the name of the game here. Doing this in a gentle and effective manner is where love comes into play. Never be mistaken, this doesn’t mean that love is the gentle sentimentality it’s often mistaken for, no, when we properly love, we empower. This has nothing to do with sentimentality.

We might think there’s no changing the unsavoury aspects to humanity. We might think this because the people within – these darker aspects – aren’t interested. We might be right. It may well be that some people are lost to us; that some minds are just too broken and the repression of ignorance too great. If this is the case, then we must focus on the young. It’s this next generation, through being enlightened to the mistakes of their parents (us), that will change the world for the better. We never enlighten when we blame. All we do is create resistance from the stubborn ego.

Understanding Love

“When we realise and accept the full repercussions of physical and emotional abuse we change”

When we see that much of this abuse is due to ignorance we change. Some parents may be surprised to learn, their responsibility to our children is far greater, than they first realised. Yes society as a whole has a responsibility to our children, yet when there exists such divide, in terms of parental awareness of this, we have a problem. Society must be there to support parents but not take on too many of their responsibilities.

Children need to experience clean and clear love from those they’ve bonded to. Due to our current belief in family, children bond to specific people, and not society as a whole until later. Children obviously need society but their need for parental love is greater. Governments must come to understand this if they’re to improve mental health and the issues of physical and emotional abuse. Whether parents like it or not, we must find a way to lift them, from ignorance.

Something clearly stated is: We love our children when we empower them. For example, even though we may fear the dentist, we love our children by taking them to see the health professionals government has provided. Government provides the service, we love and care for our children, when we educate ourselves about their importance. If we want our children to live better lives than ourselves, we must educate ourselves into what it is, that’s held us back in the past.

“It can never be the job of governments to love our children”

There are parents, who don’t actually care what quality of life our children are likely to have, once grown. There are those parents who have no care for understanding cause and effect. Some of these children are the ones who go on to propagate the darker aspects of society. They will always exist. If it should happen, that individuals are woken by some random event or understanding, it will have been love that did this.

The benefits to loving our children are often missed. Parents that don’t care sufficiently have yet to see the benefit to fully understanding love. We can know, those who’ve not been shown empowering love in their own childhood, will find it challenging to show this to their offspring. It’s a cycle that can only be broken through increased awareness. We must be aware: when we empower others we empower ourselves.

Only last night, I found myself pondering, once again, on how it is so many shy away from understanding themselves better. In some respects, this must come down to what kind of things are instilled into our minds, as interests, when young. Is inquisitiveness not something we’re all born with? Perhaps this is yet to be sufficiently encouraged and nurtured? Is it not natural for the human mind to be inquisitive? How is it we’re not encouraging an inquisitiveness into the workings of our own minds?

As example, many people simply jump into their cars, not giving a hoot about how it actually works. How does the car do what it does? On a personal level I find it bewildering that so many are simply not interested in this. In the same light, I find it bewildering that so many of us simply don’t care, about how our minds work. Is it this, or have we been scared off, by the intellectuals?

“Psychology has been labelled a science, as such, its been over-complicated by those who have something to prove”

Too many people seeking new and better understandings of a subject that’s already awash with theories. Here guys, I’ll tell you why there’s so much mental illness in the world: TOO MUCH FEAR AND IGNORANCE – NOT ENOUGH LOVE. When we confuse and over-complicate things, we’re only adding to the problem. It’s not helping. How would it be if you had nothing to prove? How would it be if you stopped needing to prove your intelligence by owning a subject that belongs to all? There need be no qualification in understanding the mind. It ought to be something all children have.

And so, love, is empowerment. We empower our children when we care enough to want them to have better lives than ourselves. We do this when we understand maturity and what it is to be grown. A mature love is when we take full responsibility for ourselves and our children. We may think, for example, that keeping a child quiet with a sugar-dummy is effective, however, the mature empowerment of love states: a child is kept happy and contented, not with sugar, but with our loving attention. If we can’t give this attention we must learn how. Simple. If this sounds like I’m pointing the finger of blame, you may want to read more. All the best, with love.

Games of The Fragile Ego

The Ego, Fragile Ego

As a comfortable follow on from yesterday’s post, it’s most appropriate now, to talk more about how the ego seeks to boost and protect itself.

Defensiveness is potentially the most obvious method of protection. Being antagonistic, contradictory and generally argumentative, are common forms of defence. The ego must do this in order to protect what it holds dear. It’s only when we’re aware of this tendency, do we become aware of its limitations: the more we defend our position, opinion and beliefs, the less likely it is, we’ll advance and mature.

A fragile ego will be the most defensive. Low self-esteem is the symptom of a fragile ego. Those who live with such a mind are the most defensive of all. Once we become aware, of how our defensive nature, ultimately only adds to the fragility of our self-esteem, do we begin the process of change. Getting through to such a person is a different matter entirely though. It’s okay for the likes of you and I to understand this, but getting this message across in a subtle and successful manner to others, takes dexterity and cleverness. Paradoxically a fragile ego is the hardest to accept change.

The reason it’s the hardest to influence is because of its fragility. Let me explain further. Imagine an animal trapped in a snare. It’s still alive. Perhaps it’s only trapped by one of its hind legs. If we were to approach such an animal, we’d be in danger of getting hurt ourselves. It would be frightened and fighting for its life. In fact, because an animal in such a position is unable to escape, it will be forced to resort to the fight part of the fight or flight principle. An animal that’s trapped, is in a fragile position, to say the least.

“It follows in the same light, that a human being that’s trapped – by its narrow and limited scope of thinking – will, in order to protect itself, fight in the only way it knows how.”

The way in which this is achieved is myriad. Defensiveness has already been mentioned. Let’s talk now, about games of the ego.

Once again, the purpose of the whole exercise, be it games or defensiveness, is to protect. The ego must protect what you are. The ego protects the very fabric of what you are: your beliefs. Individuals who are neither defensive or game players have established something very important: they’ve come to understand the unnecessary and limiting nature of defensiveness and gameplay. Their ego has grown.

“Because of this, they’ve matured to the point that their ego no longer needs to defend itself; it is no longer fragile; it’s the animal set free from the snare. This has been achieved through awareness and maturity.”

So, the alternative to a free individual, is a snared game player. I’m going to leave you with one example of this kind of gameplay. The game of: I’ll like, follow or comment on your blog, simply because my ego needs to boost itself, through your interest in return.

Potentially the player of this game doesn’t have any interest whatsoever in what you have to say, and is only interested in the potential rewards, from their pretence. This is the work of a fragile ego. Never be confused here. A big ego is more likely to acknowledge any positive change they might see or hear suggested. 

And so, whilst they remain stuck within it, the player of this game learns nothing. Social media is the platform, or playground, and it’s something to watch out for. Don’t get pulled into this game because you just might become infected. It’s a nasty game and a nasty habit. Like many bad habits, they can end up, in control of you.

Understanding the Ego (a useful take)

Synergies of Passion

It will prove useful to fix your attention on this short post for a moment. If we’re to advance, it’s important we become aware, of what drives us. We must understand the usefulness of the ego and its limitations.

Our ego is what we are, or more specifically, what we believe we are. Put another way, the ego, is the vast collection of beliefs that form our sense of self. Reinforcing this sense of self is expressed when we talk of boosting ones ego.

So when we say: his ego needs a boost we’re referring to the minds need to bolster and reinforce the minds beliefs. The ego is responsible for our reality and the testing of this reality. Confirmation of beliefs is part of this process.

For example, let’s say you believe men treat you badly. In order for your ego to test this reality you may talk openly with friends about how badly boyfriends (past and present) have treated you. The subsequent reaction of your friends will often prove a boost to your ego. In addition to this, continued bad behaviour, of future boyfriends, acts as proof and sufficient testing of your ego’s reality. The fact that your belief is erroneous, due to its generalised nature, (i.e not all men are arsholes) is of no interest to your ego, at all.

Now, as we can see, there are negative limitations to having an ego. It stands to reason, every negative has a positive, so when it comes to its usefulness we can easily sum this up: Without an ego we become a bit of a dullard.

Alternatively, people with big egos, are interesting people. A big ego is a facilitator to living a full life. All this testing and proving – the ego requires to constantly confirm its reality – drives individuals to constantly seek more. They’re seeking more of the feelings created when it receives confirmation of what it contains. We’re given a good feeling when ego receives confirmation of our reality.

“Confusion comes when this reality is a painful one”

On the one hand we have the ego’s need to confirm what it holds (beliefs) and yet on the other hand, we have the pain these beliefs may be creating. We obviously can’t feel pleasure and pain at the same time (unless we’re amongst the growing band of sadists in the world) so ego, will often defer the good feelings associated with confirmation, until later. Playing the victim when out with friends is the time for that.

Now we have a rudimentary understanding, we’re empowered to make some small, yet powerful changes. Know, all and every belief you hold, is very precious to your ego. Your ego will look to grasp on to what you are. You are your beliefs and the ego’s job is to protect their integrity.

The way in which we’re now empowered is through awareness. Once we’re aware of the job of our ego, we’re aware of its limitations. Its limitations are its unceasing need to protect the integrity of our beliefs. 

What you believe, is not necessarily, true.

Personal Development Workshops introduce tools designed to help bypass, our often stubborn egos, and change our limiting beliefs.

Happiness

Happiness

It comes when you stop. For crying out loud, just stop what you’re doing for a moment, and ponder. What are you doing to make happiness?

What we’re all potentially doing is reaching. We’re planning and we’re thinking about that next thing. When we have free time, the question forms: what shall I do today?

When we compare ourselves, to the other animals of the world, there’s one thing that pops up: Choice. Our consciousness (as it is so far) gives us choice. We’re aware of the possible alternatives. We’re able to plan ahead.

We have an awareness, amongst many other things, of self, time, environment and feelings. We have control (to varying degrees) over our emotions and are able to exert influence over them. Our imagination creates future scenarios and we imagine how we might feel whilst within these imagined situations.

Happiness

There are times when we no longer need to plan or think very much at all. We unthinkingly act because we know what’s made us happy in the past. Our past has quite literally taught us what to believe makes us happy and what happiness is. We automatically follow routines by remembering previous events where we’ve felt happy. The human mind does like familiarity.

It’s often these familiarities that cause us to become stuck. Staying with the same happy-habits and activities, over extended periods of time, creates dissatisfaction. The effect happy-habits have on us, start to wane, and we may even start to feel slightly depressed or stuck. Once we realise what’s missing, we inject a little variety into our lives, and put ourselves back on the road to happy feelings again. All is well for a while longer.

“We’re coping. We have survival strategies and coping mechanisms. When we stop, ponder and reread these understandings, some of us will see the problem.”

As touched on, what we come to believe makes us happy, obviously stems from past events where we’ve experienced happy feelings. We remember happy and we also remember sad. As such, from day to day, we make a conscious effort to avoid what we believe makes us sad and seek out those things which make us feel happy.

Happiness

Consider for a moment what made you feel happy as a child. There are those of us, who had happy – if not joyful – childhoods, where happy feelings were predominant. It is, believe it or not, easier for these fortunate individuals to find happiness now as adults; it follows as a natural consequence of living a happy childhood. And so what of the less fortunate? What of those whose childhood was mostly devoid of happiness? Lonely children make lonely adults.

Consider how we feel when alone. It is a rare individual indeed who doesn’t need the company of others to feel happy. From personal experience, I can tell you, time alone for me when young, wasn’t so much ‘happy time,’ but was often just time away from the stress and fear of my dysfunctional family. I wasn’t necessarily happy whilst alone, however, it was the closest approximation of happiness I could find. It was time free from stress and fear. It remains the same today: when alone I’m neither happy or sad, I just feel less stress and fear. I do experience fleeting happiness when in the company of others though.

To help us better understand the happiness conundrum, it’s important we stop, and take the time to think about the methods we employed then, and how they compare to now. Those methods we used, or were taught as children, may be tired and worn by the time we reach adulthood. They may not of even been true happiness, and just the avoidance of sadness, fear or stress.

I feel that interacting with people, of a like mind, is one of the most beautiful and lasting methods of experiencing happiness. Sometimes we must go out of our way and break from our ordinary routines in order to find these people. Creativeness, that is removed from being too self-absorbed, is also very powerful. In addition to these suggestions, I think we should all look to find a little more contentedness through being more comfortable, within ourselves.

Happiness

When we stop reaching out for happiness, and realise much of it is about internal contentedness – created when we’re loved by ourselves and others – the world will be a much brighter place. Lonely individuals struggle with this, simply because they have yet to really, deeply understand, how lonely they are from themselves. Understand who you are. Get to know, that deep within you, there is a beautiful child, longing to be loved by you. Contact Us if you’d like to learn more.

Are You Hungry?

Squirrel_2-800px

“I don’t want to go, it’s cold and frosty outside, the dogs chase me” said the squirrel.

“We know” said God. “Have you not got food stored outside though?”

Before the squirrel’s sleepy mind had registered, how arguing any point with God was pointless, he’d already said “Yes but” out loud. Trying to change how things were – how things were arranged in the universe – was futile. His instincts reminded him of that again now.

Squirrel was hungry, he didn’t bother attempting any further argument with God, he simply uncurled his body and reluctantly shuffled out from his warm nest of straw and dried leaves. Crouching on hind legs, at the entrance to the hollowed out tree now, he sniffed the air. It smelt fresh and new. I must go and find my nuts, he thought.

Bounding down the tree, memories of where his nuts were stored, started to return. It was then that he heard it: the bark. He stopped and looked up. Sure enough, there was the dog, was it on a leash this time? Had it been restrained?

Squirrel understood, at times, even restrained dogs pulled hard enough to break free from their owners grip. He’d been chased so many times before. Cautiously, with a flick of his tail, he set off.

“Oh my God, look!” said the dog owner, “A red squirrel, look at him go!” The dog pulled hard, desperately trying to give chase, would the pet break free from her owners grip? Had the dogs response been anticipated?

Squirrel saw his chance, he was away; the cold hardly noticed now as his body warmed with the exertion of running. Seeking out his nuts was always such fun on a cold spring morning.

Some of the danger past now. He must remain vigilant though, the risk of disease from the greys, always present.

God said: “Be on your way my beautiful red squirrel.”

The Only Form of Justice

Justice

“Over time many of us come to the opinion that there is no such thing as justice. We’re reminded over and over again, not only about the injustice within our legal systems, but also the injustice within the wider scheme of things, world over.”

I’m going to make some subtle changes to this opinion though, and I can tell you, this is no easy thing to do. You might immediately think: oh yeah, here we go, he’s going to talk the usual rubbish, about forgiveness and self-love, being the only form of justice – and if I was, you’d be right to call me out on it.

For starters we can know that forgiveness is fundamentally flawed. Yep, that’s right, and I say this because forgiveness is a little like saying “I’m superior.” It’s saying: “as I’m superior, I’m sufficiently qualified to judge you, as being less of a person than I.” As we’re all equal, we can’t do that, and get away with it. Forgiveness is also another example of how we take on the responsibilities of others. I forgive you is also saying: “I’m responsible.”

For example, you could say that being raped, as a result of accepting drink, and being impressed by smooth talk and the sight of money, makes you partly responsible. What about the drugs put in the drink, that caused you to become intoxicated, in a way you didn’t expect? Does forgiving the rapist who drugged you, mean you accept the rape, as being partly your fault? If you knew you were being drugged, then yes, you would have been complicit. If not, forgiving such an act, is taking responsibility where none is due.

What about the parents who forgive the murderers of our children? Does this offer them closure and some kind of justice? When it comes to our legal systems, does seeing the murderer or the rapist punished, really give us a sense of justice? I struggle to see how any of it does. Forgiveness, punishment, or even the ability to love ourselves sufficiently, really doesn’t cut it for me.

As an extreme, further example, I also struggle to see how the death penalty can give us any kind of justice or closure, even if we’re the one who pulls the switch, or trigger. So no, when we look at things in this way, there is no such thing as justice.

“To believe suffering, is a form of justice, is to believe in guilt, and when we believe in this, we all suffer.”

To create a sense of justice the world teaches us we must have suffering. We suffer, as a result of being a victim, and so our form of justice, is to re-inflict this suffering onto the perpetrator. We must show them the error of their ways. We want revenge. Even when the victim of a murder, has no relatives or friends, society, as a whole, needs revenge. We believe we need to right this wrong because the whole of society is damaged by such a crime.

“As long as we stay angry, about being a victim, we suffer and need our assailants to suffer also.”

Justice

Consider the adult who was sexually abused as a girl. Now consider how it is for this person who then continues to remain guilty and angry – at the unconscious level – and projects this guilt and anger onto most, if not all the men, she meets. Does she suffer all her life in this way? Does she ever truly find a good, honest and loving man? Not if she remains angry and guilty she doesn’t. What if society remains angry and guilty? Do we all suffer? Are we all finding less from life, whilst we continue to believe justice, is to inflict suffering?

And what about the issue of compensation? Will money bring our loved ones back? All the money in the world will never truly remove the indignity of being raped. It will never remove the invasive nature of rape or the memory of the powerlessness it created. Not in a million years will it.

Some believe religion has the answers to this. Some believe the teachings of the bible remain relevant in this respect. If so, let’s not forget, there are people in parts of the world – entrapped by religious beliefs and its barbarism – still stoning each other. And not for rape or murder either, but for the crime of falling in love with someone their peer group disapproved of. And so, as we’ve just seen, religion, forgiveness – and the analogy of an eye for an eye etc. – remain the barbaric nonsense they’ve always been.

So what is the answer? What is the only form of justice?

The only form of justice is information.

“When we truly understand why we’ve been harmed – why that child was murdered – will we find justice and closure.”

You might find this answer to simplistic. This will be because your mind is fighting against the worlds belief relating to suffering. The world believes: we suffer, so others must suffer, in return. All this does is perpetuate the anger and everything that comes with it. When we understand: they suffered, which is why we suffer, will we instigate change. Damaged people inflict damage in return. Our form of justice only perpetuates the problem.

Justice
Think of all this energy we could put to better use

“When we improve ourselves, from the lessons perpetrators of crime have taught us, all the harm is undone. This is justice.”

Being informed is the only resolution. When we love our children sufficiently, so that none are ever placed in harm’s way, we find all the justice we will ever need. Is this an impossible task? Not when parents are informed it isn’t.