Expensive Habits

“My counterpart at The Freedman College – Phil Whittingham – spent many years working as a Clinical and Analytical Hypnotherapist”

In his capacity as a Clinical Hypnotherapist, he treated many individuals, helping them break bad habits. The most obviously and well known of those is that of smoking.

At that time, twenty years ago, smoking was of course less expensive than it is today. Nevertheless, it was still an expensive habit even then, and so when we think of what it costs to smoke twenty cigarettes a day now, it quite takes the breath away (cough). We’re talking about approximately £3.360 per year.

More than anything, when looking at figures like that, my first thoughts turn to time and energy. How much time do we need to spend at work, earning this money, so we’re then able to pay for something that’s shortening our lives? For most people it’s a no brainer. That said, millions of people still smoke here in the UK. The figures are staggering if you care to look.

“As far as we’re concerned, the crux of the matter, is understanding the root of the issue”

Looking at the figures already mentioned, it’s easy to see the continuance of smoking – and most other addictions – as something that defies logic. It’s illogical, to continue doing something that costs us so much in time and energy, yet we continue. Why?

The simple answer is, this kind of habitual behaviour, is beyond our conscious control. The alternative – a person in full control of their mind – is no doubt puzzled, and somewhat dismayed, by the self-destructive nature of his fellow humans. Puzzled because unless we’ve actually experienced how it feels to have a hopeless addiction, it can be hard to understand, and sympathise with.

Even though we may find it hard, it’s important to remember, much of the root to addiction is driven by a sense of emptiness, guilt and indeed unhappiness. Without the fleeting satisfaction (and relief from guilt) one gets from feeding an addiction, the addicted, feel they’ll have problems coping. The belief is the addiction actually helps them cope. Looked at objectively, in the long term, all unhealthy addictions do in fact worsen the situation. An example of belief defying logic if ever there was one. Beliefs often do this, consider how religious beliefs defy, all logic.

“All things said, the degree of control we have over our minds relates closely to awareness”

Once we’re aware of the root to our addictions and compulsive behaviour we’re better able to gain control. The birthplace of our beliefs and self-destructive behaviour is often buried beneath our conscious awareness. Once we become aware, the affect, is to increase choice. If we’re aware of the driving forces behind self-destructive behaviour, but continue in the same vein, this surley makes it a deliberate act. A different matter entirely.

“A conscious choice, into throwing oneself of a building, is very different to the slow suicide of smoking?”

We can contribute so many destructive patterns, and our seeming inability to control them, to our lack of conscious awareness. Part of gaining full control over our lives, comes from the ability to question the usefulness of compulsive, habitual behaviour. Being able to spend more time doing the things we enjoy, through ridding ourselves of expensive habits, and the feelings and beliefs that drive them, is within everyone’s grasp. We do this through raising the level of our awareness.

It could be that we have no bad habits and yet feel the need for better control over our future plans and life. Either way, we must take some time to consider how time and energy, well invested, can help smooth out and lengthen this extraordinary journey through life.

Right from the off, our unique style of Personal Development, opens up this process through introducing mindfulness and meditation. A well understood method of raising our awareness. Check out our schedule here.

Wise Investments

Wise Investments

Investing in marketing, or some other business related issue, isn’t necessarily going to start showing an immediate return. A new oven in the kitchen of a restaurant, for example, won’t get paid for until its churned out quite a few joints of roast beef. I’ve used the example of roast beef since learning recently that the French call the English “roast beef.” This is done in the belief it’s the only thing eaten this side of the channel. So much for the marketing success of English cuisine!

Anyway, marketing is such a fickle beast, and so much of an art to get right, that seeing a tangible return from our investments and endeavours, can indeed take years. Either because it’s taken some time to perfect our strategy, or people need to be made aware of the services we offer, to begin with. This begs the question: can you create a market where none exists? Or is something only ever considered when introduced by someone first hand; the guy knocking on the front door for example. Knock, Knock.

“All the same, knocking on doors, advertising or investing in tools of the trade, it all costs time and money”

For some, it’s a very brave step to start spending money, where it’s known and understood, there’s unlikely to be an immediate return on our investments. As with many things, there may be no guarantee, they’ll actually be any return. This is where calculated risk comes into play. Successful investors are very good at working out the risks and the potential returns on any future business.

On a personal level, we reduce risk through ensuring that what we have to offer, is a quality product or service. I’m not not just talking about ensuring the roast beef (there with that example again) isn’t overcooked. We need to also talk about the person; the individual behind the product, or service. Aside from business matters, this is also relevant to our personal life, for:

“Meeting the woman, or man of our dreams, is achieved by ensuring we’re able to present ourselves as a worthy catch”

Wise Investments

Developing courage, persona, self-esteem with fabulous attitude to life, does not come naturally to many. Most of us need to work at it. If we’re not developing – with all of these thing’s in mind – we will be stagnating and wasting our money. Be the complete package. Invest in yourself. Attend a Personal Development Workshop.

Emptiness

Of late I’ve been concentrating on losing weight. This morning I weighed myself and feel happy to report I’m now under fourteen stone. Hurrah! Cycling up the hills around the administration home of The Freedman College, is at last, becoming easier.

“Also this morning I’ve realised something very important: eating sweet stuff has been filling a void and links very closely to a neglectful past”

Many of us will remember happy feelings associated with consuming sugary food and drink. It is well understood that due to this link, we often consume sugary foods in an attempt to alleviate stress, loneliness (emptiness) and unhappiness. Indeed, for a short time, it works.

Hopefully, once we realise the long term effects, and dangers of these effects, we wake and begin to change. The question now is: What happens to the stress, emptiness and unhappiness? It’s a good question, because for many, other coping mechanisms are never found, and you can guess the result. Yep, the weight is piled back on, plus a little more for good measure. A cyclic nightmare faced by thousands.

“Coping mechanisms are what the words would suggest: methods of coping that are never actually a long term fix. In time they always fail”  

There are a myriad of coping mechanisms. It’s when young that we’re generally taught how to use external stimuli in order to cope with uncomfortable feelings. Here in the west – in addition to food – we’ve grown used to enjoying possessions as a means of distracting ourselves from real feelings. We feel sad, and to feel slightly better about things, we go outside and look at our car, or house or whatever. It works for a short while.

With this in mind, the ideal is to find a way of resolving the conflict – of finding a physical cure for a metaphysical sickness – and remove the need for any kind of coping mechanism at all. Potentially, in order to start the process of not needing to simply cope, all we need, is the understanding of what we’re actually doing. Enlightenment if you like.

“It’s far better to deal with the roots of the issue so we can remove the need to just cope”

Knowledge and understanding are the weapons against all dis-ease. And so becoming aware of what we are in fact doing, and why we’re struggling with our addictions, empowers us with increased choices. There is one thing this knowledge can’t remove though: hunger.

The feelings associated with hunger are a little complicated. In the first place we’re using sugary food and drink as a coping mechanism, and so when we stop using them in this way, we have the original emptiness to deal with plus the feelings of hunger. A double whammy. In this instance we must associate a positive with hunger, here it is: Feelings of hunger tell us we’re losing weight! That is the positive. As far as dealing with them goes, we must endure. We must embrace the feelings. All of them.

“Sadness and emptiness (loneliness) can be difficult to deal with. Get to know what the emptiness is and how the sadness comes from that. We want something the sugary food satiates. What is that thing?”

For those who’ve never really experienced love – or have only experienced love coupled with complicated and confused messages – removing a coping mechanism, such as overeating, can be a real challenge.

Fluctuations in weight are the result of all this conflict. Many of use drink (or stronger drugs) and cigarettes as a means of filling the emptiness and helping with sadness. When we give those things up, food is often turned to. Especially if sweet things helped to distract the mind when a we were small children.

“All I can say to these people, myself included, is we must endure. We must learn about love and we must find more from life. They are actually very simple solutions once we face the truth”

The Sublime

There is something very powerful I can share with you now, and that is this simple truth: Those who’ve lacked any real and tangible love in their lives, find the ability to endure this, through giving it. That’s right. Love is empowerment and so when we understand how to empower others it all becomes an interesting paradox.

The paradox is, those who missed their valuable lessons in love during childhood, actually become the exponents of love, who find it later in life, through teaching it now.

Take some time to understand how to empower others and fill the empty void. It’s easier than you think. No coping mechanism now; all you need, is love.

A True Intelligence

“We humans believe we’re intelligent”

The question is: does this belief help or hinder us?

There are those who would say that you are what you believe, i.e, if you believe you’re intelligent, then you will be. However we must consider the yardstick we’re measuring ourselves against. How do we know we’re intelligent?

Science fiction often presumes there to be far more advanced civilisations out there, and to some extent, even creates concepts and ideas only an advanced lifeform could conceive of. Doesn’t the fact we’re able to do that mean we are in fact intelligent; that we are a higher intelligence.

“Believing something doesn’t make it a fact”

It’s so often the case that we allow commerce, money and growth, to come before intelligence is it not? Consider the packaging industry. Surely there’s been a lack of forethought in respect of the materials they use. The amount of plastic produced is out of control, and this is surely due to a lack of forethought, and future projection. It really isn’t rocket science. All we needed to do, was think about the rather indestructible nature of plastic, and then think about how life would be, if nearly every-product-on-the-high-street were wrapped in it. Suffocating to think about.

“Nevertheless it is actually true to say, we humans are pretty smart; it’s just that we allow ourselves to become a little distracted at times”

In order to distract ourselves we do need our games. There are games that have been drawn up with intelligence, and there are those that are there, simply to entertain. It’s often the games that manipulate our emotions that are the most destructive. These games are played by manipulative adults to amuse themselves and have very little, if any, consideration for others. They’re played only for the sake of the game and the consequences for others are of no real concern.

It isn’t that the players don’t necessarily care, no, the problem is, they only care about how the outcome is likely to effect them. They’re often unable to empathise with others. Even if the consequences of the game were nuclear war, for example, it wouldn’t really matter to the player, whose only concern is for the self and winning. Especially if they have a nuclear bunker, ha ha.

“Anyway, if we want to exhibit the truly intelligent force-for-good that we are, all we need do, is slow-up a little”

Weighing up all the possible connotations and consequences of our actions takes time. If we don’t have the time to do this we must pass it on. Asking the questions, and then working out all the possible outcomes, takes time. Some decisions may need the work of several generations before the final choice is made. We’re all in far too much of a hurry. Slow down. Take a breath. We do this, and we increase the chances of things coming good, in the end.

We may not live to see these clever, well thought out, comings, and yet when we remove self-centeredness, (through maturing as a species) all we will then care about, is how the game comes out in the end. After all, the game of life, is not about winning or losing. No, believe it or not, the game of life is about survival. Survival is not winning, survival is caring about the outcome, for others. Some players seem to have lost track of these particular rules. Think things out.

In answer to the question at the top of the page: Does the belief we’re intelligent help or hinder us, the only way this will prove helpful, is if it’s coupled with another belief: We are thoughtful.

Time Travel Memories

 

The ladders clattered as he plonked them down on the roof rack. So they wouldn’t slide off when he pulled away he automatically attached the bungee cord around them. That only had to happened once before for him to learn the importance of strapping things down. It was now something he did without giving much thought. His mind was on the day ahead: how many houses there were on his round today. How many windows to clean? Not too many, but enough to help with the rent, and buy some food later.

Life seemed okay. He was glad to have finally gotten away from his parents house. They’d recently moved into council accommodation on the other side of town. That brought problems of its own, what with coming from a middle class background, and then being thrown over onto the dark side of a council estate.

Glue sniffers on one side and milk thieves on the other. His mother hadn’t quite caught up with the fact they now lived on a shit-hole estate. For example, if you were naive enough to have milk delivered – as had been the case on the ‘better’ side of town – the neighbours simply got up before you, and stole it off the step. Really mother!? The final straw for him had been when some bastard had slashed all four of the new tyres he’d just had fitted to his car. What the fuck?

He’d changed the car since. He now drove a white Austin Maxi, not exactly much street cred in that, but he’d never really been overly bothered about that kind of thing; at least not when it came to cars that is. Besides, little did the boy racers know, it was actually the twin carb version; surprisingly quick off the mark. Yes things weren’t looking too bad; his little business was doing okay. This year he’d gained a few more customers; he’d also painted the exterior of four houses during the summer months. He could be proud, should be, but never quite was.  

His mind still on the day head, he turned around to fetch a few final things from the flat; water for his bucket essentially, it was then that he saw her.

She was rounding the corner of his street with an expectant smile on her face. His girlfriend, or, as he’d come to think of her recently, ex girlfriend. A week prior they’d had a row and gone their separate ways; at least that’s what he thought, and yet in an instant, all that had seemingly changed.

The row had started because his girlfriend’s mother disapproved of him; had even gone to the trouble of calling his mother to let her know: “My daughter could have had anyone but she chose your son!” slamming the phone down before his mother had chance to say anything. Hindsight had taught him a useful response: “Yes, and isn’t she lucky to have him.” Too late for that now? No, actually.

It was seeing her smile through the tears and feeling her neediness, and his emptiness, that caused him to take her in. She said she didn’t care what her parents thought. Said she loved him. It would prove to be one of the defining moments of his life.

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

We all have memories of events from the past, that seem more prevalent, than others; memories that seem to pop into our awareness more frequently than others. Certainly in quieter moments of reminiscence – especially for clients during analysis – certain memories can surface with powerful clarity.

When we take a moment, to ponder on why these memories are the most powerful, we easily see their emotional content. It’s the emotional content that make our memories lasting. Happy or sad, angry or confused, emotion is the key.

The snippet of memory (often that’s all there is) relayed above, is significant, in its detail. For two people to be brought together through neediness, and the disapproval of parents, was potentially always going to be a recipe for disaster. Of course they believed they were in love, and to a great extent, they were. The only problem being, there was a slight imbalance in what that love was and meant, to each individual within the relationship.

As is now understood, in order to feel loved the young woman needed caring for as if she were still a child, and the young man needed to do the caring. There was no understanding of the empowering nature of mature love, or how this needed to be a reciprocal, for their relationship to have gone the distance.

No matter how long this memory is looked at though, the relationship was always destined to fail. Even if the young man’s girlfriend had attempted to empower him in return, it would have been rejected, or simply not understood. A woman empowering a man was not something he’d ever experienced, as such – and certainly not at that stage of his life – he would have never been able to acknowledge or accept it.

“Parents must exhibit empowering behaviour between each other for children to comprehend what a grown version of love is”

If we’ve never witnessed something, how will we ever learn, and know it. It’s the same with anything: when we see, hear and feel something, we have a far greater chance of it sticking. If we’ve experienced none of those things we remain in the dark.

Modelling behaviour is something we all do. When the model isn’t there to begin with, we blindly fumble our way through relationship after relationship, hoping to learn from our mistakes. A very painful method indeed. Fodder for the stories of dysfunctional relationships in soap operas no doubt. Painful and unnecessary.

Unnecessary, provided we take the time to learn a model of behaviour that speaks of grown love, and the importance of understanding what empowerment is. Not only that, but the importance of understanding and accepting the reciprocal nature of empowerment, is something we must grasp for our relationships to be both strong and lasting.

Powerful and evocative memories, that seem more prevalent than others, are there for clear reason. These memories are often pivotal moments in time and life. Moments where we’ve made decisions that a part of us (potentially a higher part) recognised as being very significant.

We make turns, changes and adjustments to our lives, based on the decisions we make. When we go back, and revisit prominent memories, we often see the alternative branches – of choice – we could have made. We see the consequences and effects of the moments we lived through with less experience than we have now. When we do this, we open up additional branches of opportunity, that are the consequence of hindsight. 

“Through memories we become time travellers that can correct future mistakes, through the clarity of seeing their significance, in the past”

Be aware of the significance of prominent memories, they may well have been turning points, in your life. Your mind may be saying: “See this and don’t do it again.” Did you make the correct choice before? Could you have done things better? Could your children learn something – improved on – from your own childhood?

Our Workshop Manual is the correction of future mistakes through having visited them in the past. 

Endorsed by Whom?

“Products and services always seem to do so much better when they’re endorsed by a high achiever or someone famous don’t they?”

For example, if Tony Robbins stood up and said something like (and it’s important to imagine a loud gravelly voice here) “This book will change your life!” Would it increase the books chances of being bought? I reckon yes. By the way, if you don’t know who Tony Robbins is, he’s a terrifyingly over exuberant American author and life coach. Although he’d probably disagree. He likes to fuck with minds.

“It’s all the same isn’t it. If I wanted to sell a book about mountain climbing I’d need to get Ben Fogle, or the likes, to write me a forward”

The point is though, it’s so often the case that even though some products and services are endorsed by people we know or recognise, there’s no guarantee they’re actually going to do what it says on the tin. Endorsed or not we really do need to try these things out for ourselves. What works for one person may well have no effect on another.

“An endorsement by someone who knows what they’re talking about does mean we’re more likely to get value for money”

At the end of the day, that’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? Value for money. We also need to believe and trust that what’s being said will prove useful, true, and of real value. We want to know the product or service we’re experiencing has been endorsed by an ‘expert in the field.’ This creates trust; perhaps an illusion, but it’s there all the same.

“It’s my belief that trust is a fools game. Trust creates belief and we’ve trusted (believed in) some very dodgy people in the past have we not?

Belief, that has been formed through careful considered thought and questioning, is often a rarity, and an entirety different matter, to trust”

What exactly is the purpose of trust. Are we saying we believe in something or someone when we say we trust it? Take the drugs industry. How many of us blindly take drugs having no real proof of whether they work or not? Why do we blindly trust the person dispensing them? Time and time again we find that drugs haven’t actually been properly tested, and indeed may well be dangerous, to our health. Yet we keep doing it don’t we? We say: “Just take the pain away, make me better, make me whole again please.”

We unquestioningly trust and believe in drugs. We also believe and trust in those who prescribe and hand them out. We’ve undoubtedly been conditioned by a very wealthy and powerful industry to do so. How ever did this happen?

“Ultimately, the only endorsement you will ever really need, is your own”

If you’re going mountain climbing, or embarking on self development, finding books that have been endorsed by an ‘expert’ is advisable. We must remember though, the ‘expert’ on your life and future, will always end up being you alone. So buy the book, but remember; just because the likes of Oprah Winfrey – only needs to have farted on a book for it to have made a million – there’s no guarantee she’s understood it, or actually read it.

More than anything ‘experts’ in the field, have become this way, through reading books that weren’t necessarily endorsed by anyone. All they did, was find the courage to open up their minds, to something that challenged (didn’t endorse) their current thinking. Further to this, there are some books that it’s simply impossible to endorse; there’s literally no one sufficiently qualified, or experienced enough, to do so. I wonder how many of us consider this?

A final thought to leave you with: Think about those books written by men and endorsed by God. How the fuck did they get away with that one? But we trust and believe, don’t we? 

Take a chance. Embark on a journey that will change your life.

Create Something Beautiful

Stop Suffering

“From a failing relationship, to a limiting belief, once we let go our suffering ends”

It is actually an understanding that goes back thousands of years. The reason we struggle with it though, is because it’s often not until we reach the point – where we’re ready and prepared to let things go – do we begin to understand its wisdom and truth.

Once again it’s ignorance of our ignorance that’s holding us back. It’s reaching the point, where we’re actually prepared to accept that we know less than the sages of thousands of years ago, that’s important.

“Important, because when we do, we begin the process of enlightenment”

Those of us who desperately hold on to those things we either no longer need – or no longer need us – that suffer the greatest. We could even go as far as to say, holding on to a life, that’s no longer being lived, has a lot to do with suffering in old age.

We could say, holding on to life and not fully living it, creates suffering. This said, be cautious in what you choose to believe, living a full life, entails. Many of us would be surprised to learn how it’s our attitude of mind, that determines how we find happiness and fill our lives. Even more, would be surprised to learn how a little creativeness and purpose, improves the quality of life.

“And so, take a moment to think about what you own, what you want, what you crave, and what you hang on to that’s well past its expiry date”

Having realistic goals is positive and healthy. Our intention gives us the drive to move forward in life. However, remembering that everything has an expiry date, is important. Never hold on to that which has died. You will suffer as a result.

Contact Us when you’re ready.

A Beautiful Li(F)e

“Gaining a beautiful life has nothing to do with status, equality, or justice”

A beautiful life is gained when we’re raised by adults who empower us through their love. Their empowering love manifests itself through a burning desire to teach us how to be fully grown. Being educated and informed, as to the ways of the world, and entering adulthood with our eyes open, means we’re properly equipped, to see through the lies.

Inequality is the result of beliefs held by the individual and the level of their dependence created through ignorance. The uneducated, ignorant individual, can do nothing about inequality. The educated man will see it for what it truly is: The belief in have or have not. The main thing the educated man truly wants and needs – to live a beautiful life – is a family and an empowering love, driving him, to raise our children to be fully grown adults. A beautiful cycle.

“Justice and injustice are a fallacy”

There is no such thing as justice. Where there is no justice there is no injustice. We have peace of mind, and resolution to the wrongs inflicted upon us, when we fully understand the need for painful lessons in life. Seeking justice, instead of understanding, keeps us as children wanting an immature vengeance. We’re taught: In order to ease our pain, we must cause more.

“The response to pain, from an adult love, is the search for understanding”

The parents of a brain dead child, fighting to keep him artificially alive, do this due to their inability to see the rights of the child as being greater than their own. When we, as a species, see the rights of the child, as always being greater than ours (by default), we will evolve into the loving beings we’re (possibly) destined to become.

“If we’re going to award a child the right to life, we must also be prepared to offer this same child, the right to die. The fact we need a court of law, to decide this for us, is absurd”

Parents, who have no model or concept of what it means to be fully grown, are constantly fighting a battle with themselves. They are quite literally fighting for control over their emotions and powerful will of their inner child. They cannot stand to let go of a child they believe to be their property. The child does not belong to them it belongs to itself. We can empathise with their suffering, yet how can we possibly display sympathy, for parents who are prepared to put their needs (to be free of suffering) before the rights of the child? The paradox, is now the courts have instructed them to allow the child to die in peace, their suffering will end.

“The worlds beliefs in money, equality and justice, will change, once we’re free from the suppression of ignorance”

True freedom is the ability to question the beliefs and expectations of others. Amongst many other things, the mature parent, is able to teach the child power of choice. They ask: “If you choose this option what will the possible outcomes be? Are those outcomes something you want?”

Contact Us if you need to know more about freeing yourself from limiting beliefs.    

Doubt: A Bigger Monster Than You Might Think

“From time to time we find ourselves riddled with doubt and uncertainty. Should we shouldn’t we? Do I don’t I? Perhaps, maybe, could be. Doubt, doubt, doubt”

Getting stuck with doubt is extremely debilitating. It’s a little like quicksand in its nature: the more we struggle, the deeper we sink. Wrestling with doubt is also very tiring. When we’re trapped in the confusion, brought on by a doubt and uncertainty, we can even feel like we’re going slightly mad. We can begin to feel like we no longer know our own mind and begin to rely on others to make decisions for us.

If you can imagine a child emotionally abused for years, having all their decisions and choices questioned, criticised and invalidated time and time again, they eventually become weak and subservient to their abuser. The insanity of confusion and doubt is so strong, they become completely reliant on their abusers to make decisions for them. They literally no longer know their own mind. Self-doubt seeded over years of abuse.

There are relationships like this in adulthood. A gentle soul can have all their assertive, decision making skills, sucked out of them, through the subtle and insidious installation of doubt. “Are you sure?” Oh you bet I am.

“There are those, who make a point of going out of their way, in order to cast doubt on all our thoughts and actions. We must watch and listen closely for this kind of abuse. In time it becomes the norm, and we no longer see or hear its abusive, controlling nature”  

The game of instilling doubt is played as a form of control. If we want to damage the self-esteem of a child, for example, all we need do is question and invalidate their choices through criticism. Do this for long enough, and eventually, they’ll simply give up making any decisions for themselves at all. Then we’ll have them totally at our mercy, completely in our control. We must ask why would anyone need to do this to a child? In answer to this, it’s frightened, insecure adults, who need to do this. In particular, it’s adults who believe they own their children, or indeed their partners.

“Sometimes, those who we believe to be powerful, are only this way as a result of stealing power from others. Society is full of these kind of people”

Being assertive with our decision making does take courage. From deciding what clothes to wear before going out for dinner, to the bigger decisions in life, there will always be a degree of courage involved. We must overcome our fear of change and the chances of making mistakes. If we fear mistakes, either through having made many in the past, or having this fear instilled in us as children, we will of course be reluctant to make quick, impulsive decisions. There are times though, when it’s these kind of snap decisions, that open up our lives in ways we previously didn’t imagine.

“It is said, there are is no such thing as a mistake, only feedback. The feedback that gives us the opportunity to do things differently next time around. Without mistakes, how will we ever know?”

There are certain things in life we can be sure of. One of these things is that change can only enhance life. An unwelcome change may not feel like it at the time, yet eventually, hindsight always shows us the necessity and importance of change. We must make all manner of decisions every day. If we doubt everyone we make, we become stuck, and we stagnate.

Watch a listen closely to those around you. Are they invalidating and questioning your everyday choices? If so, this kind of toxic situation, will be creating your confusion. Is it time to move on? Decide.

Advancement

Advancement

“It could be said we’re all advancing. From the moment we’re born, it starts. Be it simply growing or learning, our brains and bodies are developing, we’re advancing”

The question is, to what extent are we advancing compared to others? Of course, comparing ourselves to others, is potentially never a good idea. We’re all different. One person’s view on what it means to grow and advance may differ greatly to another. Just so long as we’re changing and developing, in some fashion, all is well. The point remains though, the quickest development, is the greatest gain.

Life is short. We’re all in a hurry. This isn’t surprising considering the uncertainty of it all. Live the moment. There’s always a bus ready to run you over. You never know what’s around the next corner. You could be dead tomorrow etc., etc.

“With this in mind, let’s also consider the close correlation between the words ‘advance’ and ‘advantage.’ The quicker you advance the greater the advantage”

In this moment now, I believe the quickest, most effective advancement, is to raise awareness. As I experience people, it’s all too obvious to me, many lack self-awareness. When we take a step back and think about the behaviour of some humans, we can see, it’s a lack of self-awareness, that drives their self-destructive patterns. We could say this lack is a form of mental illness.

Now, adding to the array of labels associated with mental illness, isn’t necessarily a good thing, we have plenty already. With so many children craving attention, and the mental health professionals so keen to pander to this through creating new labels, why add to it? Give me a label though, and it makes me feel so, so special. I’m Autistic, Dyslexic, Asperger. Are you? Or are you just a lonely human exhibiting a difference for attention?

“Does giving us labels help with self-awareness? Or do they close us down and give us something to live down to? We could live up to somewhere different. An awareness that gives us advantage”

Once we become aware of limiting behaviour, devoid of a label, we’re more able to change it. Let’s take the limiting thoughts and behaviour related to sexism, bigotry, racism and intolerance. Is it not the case that labelling ourselves may be creating a form of individuality, yet also creating, a separateness? Can we be individuals without others being intolerant? I believe we can through raising awareness.

For example, what’s behind the behaviour of sexism? Why are we intolerant of others? Is it because we’ve given them a label? Does the label mean less or more? Why is there hatred? Raise this: Hatred is a consequence of a lack of self-awareness. We hate what we don’t understand about ourselves, and project it, onto those we’ve labelled.

As children, when the adults around us display their hatred of other humans, we, as sensitive children, take this on, to our ‘selves.’ We only ever hate our selves. This is then projected. Children don’t see differences as occurring outside of themselves, they internalise them, and learn to hate their selves. Get it? The suicide bomber is blowing himself up. Clarity? 

Anyway, we just love our labels, don’t we? Think of this: I’m a Muslim, I’m a Christian, I’ve got a degree, I’m black, I’m White, and on and on we go. What if we removed all of these labels and simply had one? This one: Flawed Human.

There’s no getting away from the fact many want to be seen as better than others. To have the bigger car, more money, a better job, a more loving God and so on, however, the trick, through raising self-awareness, is we begin to see the nonsense of this.

“There is also a paradox to this trick. We need the driving to be better; to be more advanced, in order to want raised awareness. Once we have it though, some become enlightened to our often, ridiculous nature of wanting superiority. A Beautiful Paradox”

Seek the advantage of advancement and discover this Beautiful Paradox for yourself. When you find it you will also find a beautiful freedom. The freedom of Self-Love.

The Chains That Bind Us

Courage

We must recognise, sometimes it’s the very things we strive for, that are the very things holding us down.

I read recently, once again, that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. We may find ourselves insane from time to time, however, as long as we recognise the error, eventually, we’re progressing. It’s those who fail in this recognition that potentially waste their lives, and a fortune, pursuing something that doesn’t want them.

This something could be a person or potential future. No matter how hard we try and what choices we make, it can be the case, that a certain future just isn’t a possibility. As strange as it may sound, it could well be, that it just isn’t available. The reasons for this can be myriad. Exploring this can also become a bind in itself. Far better, once we’ve recognised the insanity of our situation, to just drop it, and move on. This can take courage.

Courage

To recognise that we may have been wrong; that we may have been pursuing the wrong idea, or wrong person for that matter, does take courage. It is only courage though.

Courage
Courage

Take heart, because once you begin to move away from the insanity of stagnation – of needless and futile repetition – you’ll be moving toward the sanity of change. One of the few certainties that’s pointless to try and avoid. Embrace change and never look back.

Pinpoint Anger

Anger

What makes you feel angry? What is anger? Do you ever feel angry?

I’ve never considered myself as someone who’s quick to anger. This has not always been the case though, as a much younger man, feelings of anger, were quite common.

“There are times nowadays when I feel like I’ve come full circle. As an older man, I’ve become quick to anger once again, however, there is a difference”

Previously I’ve become enraged and not really fully understood why. When I look back now, I can clearly remember times of anger. From drunken punch-ups in the street, to punching holes in hollow doors, I’ve certainly experienced it. Yet now, I become angry, at very specific things. The anger is controlled (I don’t punch holes in doors) and drink has absolutely nothing to do with it. I no longer do drugs.

To help explain my point, I can share with you an interesting experience I had with anger. It was about six or seven years ago driving home from the airport in the early hours of the morning. I’d just spent a disastrous week away in Croatia with a lady friend of mine.

On the drive I’d nearly fallen asleep several times through exhaustion. On reflection I now understand that I was exhausted through keeping my anger in check. Such was my rage at the time, I worried what might happen, if I let it out. It was important I keep it under control and it was exhausting me.

The lady in question had spent the last few days of the holiday giving me the cold shoulder. The reason for this I’ll explain later, suffice to say her behaviour was irrational and manipulative. In being quiet and aloof, I understood it for what it was: Manipulation. I’d been, and on the drive home, was still being manipulated, through her silence.

“In her state of suppressed anger, my lady friend, instead of having it out with me, so to speak, had decided the best policy, was silence”

To add to this she’d moved out of our hotel room to find a separate one of her own. For the last four days of the holiday it was as if I didn’t exist. The silence in the car on the drive home was just as palpable. I wasn’t going to allow myself to be manipulated and it was exhausting me. Going into a rage would have enabled her to take away my power. I would have been expressing her anger; her fear.  

The whole incident, and reason for the ruined holiday, was a rather off the cuff comment I’d made, about her erratic and extreme reaction to wasps. There were wasps everywhere. Every time one was spotted, my companion would jump around swatting and ducking in a panicked, irrational manner. We couldn’t, at any point on the holiday, eat outside. Not good in a Croatian summer.

My intention all along had been to help put her fear into perspective. So to apologise, for drawing her attention to the irrationality of her behaviour, would have also taken my power. Power she needed to defend her irrational behaviour.

“There is no flaw in being afraid, yet sometimes the fear is irrational. Swat at a wasp, for example, and you’ve more chance of getting stung. Leave it alone and it will do the same. Simple”

Anyway, back to the drive home from the airport. I’ve never experienced fatigue in quite the same way before, or since, this incident. After thinking about this for some time, I now fully understand why. The energy I needed, to hold on to the rage I felt, at being manipulated, was so intense, it was draining me to the point of exhaustion. It’s energy was vast.

Nowadays I have a far better understanding of these things, and so realise, as soon as someone exhibits this kind of behaviour, all I need do, is make them aware of it. Once someone realises you know their game, they tend to give it up, or find another strategy to manipulate you with. What that other strategy might be, is a whole different matter, and subject for another post entirely.

And so, being quick to anger is fine, as long as we understand the reason behind it. When this is the case, we’re better able to direct it at a specific target, in order to protect ourselves and get our needs respected. In other words, and continuing with the example of my holiday, everything could have been quickly resolved, if I’d simply used my anger to confront the situation, head on.

This is the exact dialogue that I ought to have used:

“Your silence is manipulative and I understand your fear.”

Pinpoint anger, is the power to get your needs met. I needed energy to drive us home safely, not to repress my confused rage. Along with that need all I wanted was to drop her off at her flat and never see her again. If I’d crashed the car – something my lady friend had experienced with a previous boyfriend – it could have killed us both.

“Anger, may well be the power to save your life, and that of others”

Let’s hope for some happy summer holidays guys.

Understanding Love

Additional tools to help navigate our way through life, love and relationships

“When we truly understand love – following its simple rules – we will live life well”

It’s interesting because we immediately think, following the rules of love, throughout our lives, is likely to be the easiest path. It is, however, there is one important proviso: We must all have a clean and clear understanding of what it is.

We watch the news and it becomes very easy for us to jump on the same bandwagon, as journalist, and start aggressively pointing the finger of blame. In the past I’ve done this myself. I’ve ranted and become angry and frustrated. It doesn’t change things when we react in this way though, in fact, it just makes matters worse. Far better to understand why – the things that are wrong in our societies are prevalent – and then educate people into understanding the dangers and repercussions of failing to love and protect our children.

“For better to educate people into understanding the hows and whys of their behaviour and then teaching them how things could be better thought out; thinking skills are needed”

Now, we could say this is a loving response to neglect and abuse, for example. Abuse happens, keeps happening, and this will remain the case, as long as people are ignorant to the truth of how and why. Raising awareness is the name of the game here. Doing this in a gentle and effective manner is where love comes into play. Never be mistaken, this doesn’t mean that love is the gentle sentimentality it’s often mistaken for, no, when we properly love, we empower. This has nothing to do with sentimentality.

We might think there’s no changing the unsavoury aspects to humanity. We might think this because the people within – these darker aspects – aren’t interested. We might be right. It may well be that some people are lost to us; that some minds are just too broken and the repression of ignorance too great. If this is the case, then we must focus on the young. It’s this next generation, through being enlightened to the mistakes of their parents (us), that will change the world for the better. We never enlighten when we blame. All we do is create resistance from the stubborn ego.

Understanding Love

“When we realise and accept the full repercussions of physical and emotional abuse we change”

When we see that much of this abuse is due to ignorance we change. Some parents may be surprised to learn, their responsibility to our children is far greater, than they first realised. Yes society as a whole has a responsibility to our children, yet when there exists such divide, in terms of parental awareness of this, we have a problem. Society must be there to support parents but not take on too many of their responsibilities.

Children need to experience clean and clear love from those they’ve bonded to. Due to our current belief in family, children bond to specific people, and not society as a whole until later. Children obviously need society but their need for parental love is greater. Governments must come to understand this if they’re to improve mental health and the issues of physical and emotional abuse. Whether parents like it or not, we must find a way to lift them, from ignorance.

Something clearly stated is: We love our children when we empower them. For example, even though we may fear the dentist, we love our children by taking them to see the health professionals government has provided. Government provides the service, we love and care for our children, when we educate ourselves about their importance. If we want our children to live better lives than ourselves, we must educate ourselves into what it is, that’s held us back in the past.

“It can never be the job of governments to love our children”

There are parents, who don’t actually care what quality of life our children are likely to have, once grown. There are those parents who have no care for understanding cause and effect. Some of these children are the ones who go on to propagate the darker aspects of society. They will always exist. If it should happen, that individuals are woken by some random event or understanding, it will have been love that did this.

The benefits to loving our children are often missed. Parents that don’t care sufficiently have yet to see the benefit to fully understanding love. We can know, those who’ve not been shown empowering love in their own childhood, will find it challenging to show this to their offspring. It’s a cycle that can only be broken through increased awareness. We must be aware: when we empower others we empower ourselves.

Only last night, I found myself pondering, once again, on how it is so many shy away from understanding themselves better. In some respects, this must come down to what kind of things are instilled into our minds, as interests, when young. Is inquisitiveness not something we’re all born with? Perhaps this is yet to be sufficiently encouraged and nurtured? Is it not natural for the human mind to be inquisitive? How is it we’re not encouraging an inquisitiveness into the workings of our own minds?

As example, many people simply jump into their cars, not giving a hoot about how it actually works. How does the car do what it does? On a personal level I find it bewildering that so many are simply not interested in this. In the same light, I find it bewildering that so many of us simply don’t care, about how our minds work. Is it this, or have we been scared off, by the intellectuals?

“Psychology has been labelled a science, as such, its been over-complicated by those who have something to prove”

Too many people seeking new and better understandings of a subject that’s already awash with theories. Here guys, I’ll tell you why there’s so much mental illness in the world: TOO MUCH FEAR AND IGNORANCE – NOT ENOUGH LOVE. When we confuse and over-complicate things, we’re only adding to the problem. It’s not helping. How would it be if you had nothing to prove? How would it be if you stopped needing to prove your intelligence by owning a subject that belongs to all? There need be no qualification in understanding the mind. It ought to be something all children have.

And so, love, is empowerment. We empower our children when we care enough to want them to have better lives than ourselves. We do this when we understand maturity and what it is to be grown. A mature love is when we take full responsibility for ourselves and our children. We may think, for example, that keeping a child quiet with a sugar-dummy is effective, however, the mature empowerment of love states: a child is kept happy and contented, not with sugar, but with our loving attention. If we can’t give this attention we must learn how. Simple. If this sounds like I’m pointing the finger of blame, you may want to read more. All the best, with love.

Understanding the Ego (a useful take)

Synergies of Passion

It will prove useful to fix your attention on this short post for a moment. If we’re to advance, it’s important we become aware, of what drives us. We must understand the usefulness of the ego and its limitations.

Our ego is what we are, or more specifically, what we believe we are. Put another way, the ego, is the vast collection of beliefs that form our sense of self. Reinforcing this sense of self is expressed when we talk of boosting ones ego.

So when we say: his ego needs a boost we’re referring to the minds need to bolster and reinforce the minds beliefs. The ego is responsible for our reality and the testing of this reality. Confirmation of beliefs is part of this process.

For example, let’s say you believe men treat you badly. In order for your ego to test this reality you may talk openly with friends about how badly boyfriends (past and present) have treated you. The subsequent reaction of your friends will often prove a boost to your ego. In addition to this, continued bad behaviour, of future boyfriends, acts as proof and sufficient testing of your ego’s reality. The fact that your belief is erroneous, due to its generalised nature, (i.e not all men are arsholes) is of no interest to your ego, at all.

Now, as we can see, there are negative limitations to having an ego. It stands to reason, every negative has a positive, so when it comes to its usefulness we can easily sum this up: Without an ego we become a bit of a dullard.

Alternatively, people with big egos, are interesting people. A big ego is a facilitator to living a full life. All this testing and proving – the ego requires to constantly confirm its reality – drives individuals to constantly seek more. They’re seeking more of the feelings created when it receives confirmation of what it contains. We’re given a good feeling when ego receives confirmation of our reality.

“Confusion comes when this reality is a painful one”

On the one hand we have the ego’s need to confirm what it holds (beliefs) and yet on the other hand, we have the pain these beliefs may be creating. We obviously can’t feel pleasure and pain at the same time (unless we’re amongst the growing band of sadists in the world) so ego, will often defer the good feelings associated with confirmation, until later. Playing the victim when out with friends is the time for that.

Now we have a rudimentary understanding, we’re empowered to make some small, yet powerful changes. Know, all and every belief you hold, is very precious to your ego. Your ego will look to grasp on to what you are. You are your beliefs and the ego’s job is to protect their integrity.

The way in which we’re now empowered is through awareness. Once we’re aware of the job of our ego, we’re aware of its limitations. Its limitations are its unceasing need to protect the integrity of our beliefs. 

What you believe, is not necessarily, true.

Personal Development Workshops introduce tools designed to help bypass, our often stubborn egos, and change our limiting beliefs.

Happiness

Happiness

It comes when you stop. For crying out loud, just stop what you’re doing for a moment, and ponder. What are you doing to make happiness?

What we’re all potentially doing is reaching. We’re planning and we’re thinking about that next thing. When we have free time, the question forms: what shall I do today?

When we compare ourselves, to the other animals of the world, there’s one thing that pops up: Choice. Our consciousness (as it is so far) gives us choice. We’re aware of the possible alternatives. We’re able to plan ahead.

We have an awareness, amongst many other things, of self, time, environment and feelings. We have control (to varying degrees) over our emotions and are able to exert influence over them. Our imagination creates future scenarios and we imagine how we might feel whilst within these imagined situations.

Happiness

There are times when we no longer need to plan or think very much at all. We unthinkingly act because we know what’s made us happy in the past. Our past has quite literally taught us what to believe makes us happy and what happiness is. We automatically follow routines by remembering previous events where we’ve felt happy. The human mind does like familiarity.

It’s often these familiarities that cause us to become stuck. Staying with the same happy-habits and activities, over extended periods of time, creates dissatisfaction. The effect happy-habits have on us, start to wane, and we may even start to feel slightly depressed or stuck. Once we realise what’s missing, we inject a little variety into our lives, and put ourselves back on the road to happy feelings again. All is well for a while longer.

“We’re coping. We have survival strategies and coping mechanisms. When we stop, ponder and reread these understandings, some of us will see the problem.”

As touched on, what we come to believe makes us happy, obviously stems from past events where we’ve experienced happy feelings. We remember happy and we also remember sad. As such, from day to day, we make a conscious effort to avoid what we believe makes us sad and seek out those things which make us feel happy.

Happiness

Consider for a moment what made you feel happy as a child. There are those of us, who had happy – if not joyful – childhoods, where happy feelings were predominant. It is, believe it or not, easier for these fortunate individuals to find happiness now as adults; it follows as a natural consequence of living a happy childhood. And so what of the less fortunate? What of those whose childhood was mostly devoid of happiness? Lonely children make lonely adults.

Consider how we feel when alone. It is a rare individual indeed who doesn’t need the company of others to feel happy. From personal experience, I can tell you, time alone for me when young, wasn’t so much ‘happy time,’ but was often just time away from the stress and fear of my dysfunctional family. I wasn’t necessarily happy whilst alone, however, it was the closest approximation of happiness I could find. It was time free from stress and fear. It remains the same today: when alone I’m neither happy or sad, I just feel less stress and fear. I do experience fleeting happiness when in the company of others though.

To help us better understand the happiness conundrum, it’s important we stop, and take the time to think about the methods we employed then, and how they compare to now. Those methods we used, or were taught as children, may be tired and worn by the time we reach adulthood. They may not of even been true happiness, and just the avoidance of sadness, fear or stress.

I feel that interacting with people, of a like mind, is one of the most beautiful and lasting methods of experiencing happiness. Sometimes we must go out of our way and break from our ordinary routines in order to find these people. Creativeness, that is removed from being too self-absorbed, is also very powerful. In addition to these suggestions, I think we should all look to find a little more contentedness through being more comfortable, within ourselves.

Happiness

When we stop reaching out for happiness, and realise much of it is about internal contentedness – created when we’re loved by ourselves and others – the world will be a much brighter place. Lonely individuals struggle with this, simply because they have yet to really, deeply understand, how lonely they are from themselves. Understand who you are. Get to know, that deep within you, there is a beautiful child, longing to be loved by you. Contact Us if you’d like to learn more.

The Only Form of Justice

Justice

“Over time many of us come to the opinion that there is no such thing as justice. We’re reminded over and over again, not only about the injustice within our legal systems, but also the injustice within the wider scheme of things, world over.”

I’m going to make some subtle changes to this opinion though, and I can tell you, this is no easy thing to do. You might immediately think: oh yeah, here we go, he’s going to talk the usual rubbish, about forgiveness and self-love, being the only form of justice – and if I was, you’d be right to call me out on it.

For starters we can know that forgiveness is fundamentally flawed. Yep, that’s right, and I say this because forgiveness is a little like saying “I’m superior.” It’s saying: “as I’m superior, I’m sufficiently qualified to judge you, as being less of a person than I.” As we’re all equal, we can’t do that, and get away with it. Forgiveness is also another example of how we take on the responsibilities of others. I forgive you is also saying: “I’m responsible.”

For example, you could say that being raped, as a result of accepting drink, and being impressed by smooth talk and the sight of money, makes you partly responsible. What about the drugs put in the drink, that caused you to become intoxicated, in a way you didn’t expect? Does forgiving the rapist who drugged you, mean you accept the rape, as being partly your fault? If you knew you were being drugged, then yes, you would have been complicit. If not, forgiving such an act, is taking responsibility where none is due.

What about the parents who forgive the murderers of our children? Does this offer them closure and some kind of justice? When it comes to our legal systems, does seeing the murderer or the rapist punished, really give us a sense of justice? I struggle to see how any of it does. Forgiveness, punishment, or even the ability to love ourselves sufficiently, really doesn’t cut it for me.

As an extreme, further example, I also struggle to see how the death penalty can give us any kind of justice or closure, even if we’re the one who pulls the switch, or trigger. So no, when we look at things in this way, there is no such thing as justice.

“To believe suffering, is a form of justice, is to believe in guilt, and when we believe in this, we all suffer.”

To create a sense of justice the world teaches us we must have suffering. We suffer, as a result of being a victim, and so our form of justice, is to re-inflict this suffering onto the perpetrator. We must show them the error of their ways. We want revenge. Even when the victim of a murder, has no relatives or friends, society, as a whole, needs revenge. We believe we need to right this wrong because the whole of society is damaged by such a crime.

“As long as we stay angry, about being a victim, we suffer and need our assailants to suffer also.”

Justice

Consider the adult who was sexually abused as a girl. Now consider how it is for this person who then continues to remain guilty and angry – at the unconscious level – and projects this guilt and anger onto most, if not all the men, she meets. Does she suffer all her life in this way? Does she ever truly find a good, honest and loving man? Not if she remains angry and guilty she doesn’t. What if society remains angry and guilty? Do we all suffer? Are we all finding less from life, whilst we continue to believe justice, is to inflict suffering?

And what about the issue of compensation? Will money bring our loved ones back? All the money in the world will never truly remove the indignity of being raped. It will never remove the invasive nature of rape or the memory of the powerlessness it created. Not in a million years will it.

Some believe religion has the answers to this. Some believe the teachings of the bible remain relevant in this respect. If so, let’s not forget, there are people in parts of the world – entrapped by religious beliefs and its barbarism – still stoning each other. And not for rape or murder either, but for the crime of falling in love with someone their peer group disapproved of. And so, as we’ve just seen, religion, forgiveness – and the analogy of an eye for an eye etc. – remain the barbaric nonsense they’ve always been.

So what is the answer? What is the only form of justice?

The only form of justice is information.

“When we truly understand why we’ve been harmed – why that child was murdered – will we find justice and closure.”

You might find this answer to simplistic. This will be because your mind is fighting against the worlds belief relating to suffering. The world believes: we suffer, so others must suffer, in return. All this does is perpetuate the anger and everything that comes with it. When we understand: they suffered, which is why we suffer, will we instigate change. Damaged people inflict damage in return. Our form of justice only perpetuates the problem.

Justice
Think of all this energy we could put to better use

“When we improve ourselves, from the lessons perpetrators of crime have taught us, all the harm is undone. This is justice.”

Being informed is the only resolution. When we love our children sufficiently, so that none are ever placed in harm’s way, we find all the justice we will ever need. Is this an impossible task? Not when parents are informed it isn’t.

Life Riding on the Coattails of Others

elitism of the children

A new year beckons and with it we see the new year honours list of 2018. The British aristocracy keeping themselves at the top, by creating another elitist list, of human beings. Life riding on the coattails of others. With that in mind I’d like to create a new award:

THE AWARD FOR EVERY PERSON WHO HAS MADE IT INTO ADULTHOOD

There’s a fairly strict criteria, because if we we were to ask the average adult: Do you consider yourself to be a grown up? They’d no doubt say, yes. There is a finite number of awards available you see. There is a problem though, to what do we gauge our award? To what do we compare our maturity?. How do we set the criteria? How do we know what it actually is to be an adult in 2018?

Difficult questions. One persons take, on what it means to be an adult, can obviously differ greatly from another. We do need some kind of benchmark, and I think we can keep things simple, by listing a few important provisos here. Let’s start with just two:

To be an adult we must have a level of independence and we must also have a high degree of self awareness.

That said, I know of people who have a very high level of independence, and yet have very poor self-awareness. Their behaviour and gameplay is very manipulative, and  conversation/interpersonal skills, no further forward, than that of a ten year old child.

For example, recent experience, with trying to converse with a 57 year old woman, left me feeling very uncomfortable indeed. This was simply due to the fact it belonged in the mind of someone aged ten – or thereabouts. Even though this is the case, the lady in question is independent, and has carried many responsibilities. Raising a child on her own being just one of them.

Suffice to say, this lady, who has remained unaware of much of her behaviour during her life, has had a horrible time. Many of the events in her life have placed excessive demands on her. Excessive pain and confusion has been due to her ability to reject everyone, and everything good, from her life so far. To add to this, her list of past (and present) ailments would include: cervical cancer, crones disease, anorexia and chronic tooth decay. She deserves an award all of her own, just for making it through.

Snippets of conversation have led me to the understanding, her childhood was full of neglect, and other forms of abuse. Please note: It’s certainly not my place – beyond a therapeutic setting – to interfere, counsel or advise, in any capacity whatsoever, someone who has no wish to seek such things. As such I’m a very good silent-listener in her company. Now, the clue to my next award-proviso is in the word seek, because:

An adult must be a seeker.

What must they seek? Well, we could say, they must look to seek knowledge, awareness and truth. By seeking these things, we’re expressing our intention, to become adults.

For much of life, many people, are confused and bewildered by the behaviour of others. Many are left wondering: “What the hell is going on?” “What are these people doing?” “Why does this shit happen?” These people find relief when introduced to the value of seeking.

Shit does happen – as our beautiful American cousins are so keen on telling us – and yet shit really does happen around you, when you’re an adult amongst the children. Children keep-fucking-things-up simply because it’s in their nature to do so. As such, all this chaos, going on in the world around us, is instigated by the children who have yet to find the value in seeking.

In this vain, I’d like to think my style of writing, is suited to many people who don’t seek, purely because they’ve been put off in the past.  Many intellectuals and teachers in the world, are very possessive of their intellect and talent. To this end they deliberately confuse the buggery out of the average man. This must be another form of elitism yet to be fully recognised. So stop making things difficult for others to understand guys. There is no such thing as bad students only useless teachers. Here’s another proviso for my list:

An adult must never ride on the coattails of others.

Many adults are in the position they are, simply because they’re exploiting what they see, as the worlds children. The British aristocracy, for example, achieve this through their awards system. This system states: “We have sufficient high status to award you.” What they’re once again forgetting is, if you treat adults as children (we award you dear child) you only add to their confusion. Those who achieve greatness do this through being adults. Perhaps when the elite finally grow up themselves and find independence, instead of leeching off the rest of us, we’ll all be freed to move on to adulthood. Here’s my final proviso:

Once grown awards become obsolete

That’s right, give me a medal for picking up that rubber brick of the bottom of the swimming pool, but fuck you if you try and keep me down, by awarding me once I’m grown. We must all become sufficiently self-aware, so as to realise the gameplay of dependent adult-children, so we may then help them move on. Thankfully, now we know awards for maturity would be a paradox, I can put this one safely to bed.

Happy new year my grown up friends.

Maturity: Something people want or something they need?

maturity
Iron and vitamins or sugar? Your choice.

“It’s a bit like offering a child the choice between candy or sprouts. The adults know which one carries the iron and vitamins, and yet, if we were to ask the child, which one they want, we can all guess at the negative outcome.”

In the same light, if my intentions were incorrectly motivated, I could very easily tie my choices down here. When maintaining a blog, if the intention (unconscious or not) is to stroke the ego, through gaining more followers, I’m helping no one. At the same time as restricting myself,  through  looking to please people by stroking their ego’s (surely a kind of mutual masturbation) I’d also be restricting those I’m writing for. If you have something useful to say, stop pandering to the egos and/or your own loneliness. If you are you’ll be doing everyone a disservice.

When we think of the distinction between childhood and adulthood, the truly grown are those who have a mature sense of self. I’ve met adults who’ve never grown beyond a certain point in their maturation. This is simply because they’ve never been shown any advantage to becoming grown.

“When the child isn’t made aware of the reason, why sprouts must become their food of choice, they’ll continue choosing the sugar alternative into adulthood. They’ll potentially continue with this until diabetes catches up with them. It’s the same with alcohol and smoking, we’ll stick with the things of adolescence, as long as we remain there emotionally. For some, this will be the case, all their short lives.”

Of course there can be many other reasons why adults remain as children. Unconsciously hankering for care and attention – missing from childhood – is a major contributor to this phenomena. Extreme trauma is further example: The mind, in an attempt to defend and repair itself, can often be reluctant to move beyond extreme trauma and the associated emotions. Think PTSD.

“Headed in a slightly different direction, I also think the point about our level of independence, being a kind of marker for how mature we are, is very relevant. The level of independence we’ve achieved, clearly marks out our level of fearlessness, and courage.”

Something to consider, in this respect, is our hunter gatherer ancestors. As a result of the melting of glaciers, there’s now evidence to show, solo hunters existed and survived just as well as those who lived within tribes. Human remains, dated to be thousands of years old, have been found at the heads of receding glaciers. The shoes, mittens, clothes, weapons and walking sticks, found with these ancient finds, has been suggestive of people travelling alone. Is it perhaps the case, that solo hunter gatherers, were braver and stronger, than those in constant need of others? Was the solo hunter potentially more adaptable, more mature, and consequently less fearful?

“We can only speculate on these things, however, it’s a certain fact, those who have a high level of independence, along with a courageous and adventurous spirit, live freer more fulfilling lives. To suggest, this is something only modern man has achieved, is absurd.”

There’s no doubt, if whatever you’re doing is only done to gain more friends and followers, the content of your posts, or other creative work, will reflect this. Alternatively, if you’re writing from an adult perspective, you’ll be doing this with the intention to empower.

You might now ask what is the motivation? and the answer is of course, love. No adult will ever be empowered trough being spoken to as if they were a child. Why do you thing religious leaders are constantly tempted to call their followers children? Because they’re all children of God? Or is it more likely they need to keep them stuck in childhood (with all the disability this brings) by talking to them as if we still were?

“Whilst we remain as children – and they as the adults – we continue to give our power away. Stop talking to your audience as if they’re children and potentially you’ll gain the attention of adults followers. They’re the kind of friends I prefer.”

Those who have the courage to read something, that create thoughts directly opposed to the thoughts and opinions of the masses, are the ones who follow the solo hunter. Not because they want to be members of a tribe, they do it because they want to see and experience the freedom, maturity brings.

Jesus Christ! Just let him move on.

pain, human emotions

Imagine being reminded, year on year, about how the actions and behaviour of your past, are still troubling the people around you in the present. Imagine being guilted in this way. Imagine being reminded of your past mistakes over and over again.

To some extent we do this to ourselves. Our minds, in an attempt to resolve unfinished business, often remind us of our errors in the past. How we mistreated people. How we said or did the wrong things. Sometimes, either by our own memories or by turn of events, we’re reminded of the things we did when young and foolish.

It could be said, the benefit to this is, we don’t make the same errors over and over. As a general rule though, because of our painful, guilty mistakes in the past, we’re simply unconsciously aware of how we must behave now. We don’t need to be constantly reminded of them.   

And so, do we really think that if Christ were alive today, he’d actually be failing to see – how the stuff he believed and taught over two thousand years ago – has lost much of its relevance in the 21st century? Many believe he was quite a smart guy.

This intelligence would certainly be enabling him to understand, the short life he lived all those years ago, was in fact his and our childhood. What he said and did then was as a result of his childish thinking. It’s very likely he’d be totally lost and confused, (if not angry) to see billions of humans still following the teachings he believed in, thousands of years ago, as a child.

Would you want people acting on things you said and did when a child? Do we not normally leave the beliefs we held in childhood behind? Do you still believe, that in the dead of night, Santa comes down your chimney to deliver gifts? Or that the tooth fairy leaves money under your pillow?

“We must leave the beliefs of childhood behind, because if we don’t, we remain stuck in that fearful place. A place many, if not all religious people, still currently inhabit.”

The comfortable position, those who work within the religion industry have placed themselves in, is something they’d rather not have to change. It is human nature to take the path of least resistance, even if this isn’t necessarily, the best route.

With this in mind, when it comes to removing ourselves from the comfortable and often fantastical beliefs of childhood, this can prove to be a painful transition. It’s never pleasant when a child – who truly believes in Santa Claus – discovers the deception. A deception designed by adults to remove fear through creating mystery and fantasy.

Like these adults JC wanted people to be less afraid. How can we think he expects us to still need the fantastical beliefs he devised – to help rid us of our fear – two thousand years on? Beliefs devised when he and humanity were still in its infancy.

Two thousand years ago, many human beings, were barbaric. Fear and guilt were used in an attempt to limit this. Religious leaders must think we’re still barbaric and underdeveloped, and as such, need the control rods of superstition, fear and guilt. Are you a barbarian? They really do have a lot to answer for don’t they? They’re keeping billions, in a barbaric, dark past.

“How do they sleep at night knowing they continue to stilt human development through failing to move away from the beliefs of their childhood?”

Of course the reason they’re unable to move forward is their fear of the pain this would potentially create. The expression: “Your pain is the breaking of the shell of your understanding” will never apply to those who refuse to acknowledge truth.

Emotional pain is something we must be taught to deal with when young. Responsible parents teach our children how to temper their emotions during the trauma of their childhood. It’s the parents, who’ve yet to do this for themselves, that struggle with this responsibility. If we have little sense of personal responsibility ourselves, how can we possibly be expected to teach this to our children? Are religious leaders acting responsibly?

“If the religious ‘Fathers’ want to parent us, and teach us right from wrong, they’d better smarten up their act.”

Smartening up their act would include packing their bags. It’s the job of parents – not priests or whatever – to teach children about the importance of empathy. It’s their job to teach children how to empathise. Once we’re able to do this, right and wrong is understood to have nothing to do with god and religion, and everything to do with creating better lives for ourselves. You give fear and guilt and that’s all you’ll get. Priests often fall off the rails. This comes as no surprise when they’re already riddled with fear and guilt.

“Give someone the gift of an lemon, for example, and you can easily imagine the experience of how it tastes. Do we really need to continue tasting the lessons of two thousand years ago?”

Let’s just allow JC to move on shall we? He’s had enough of his childhood. Back then he was a martyr who, according to legend, got himself nailed to a dogwood tree. Today we can easily imagine – if we put our minds to it – that he’d find an improved, powerful and beneficial way, to teach us all about love, and how to live better lives. Do you not think?

Perhaps he’d still end up nailed to a cross. If the religious leaders had it their way he would. In order to maintain their antiquated beliefs, religious leaders, need to remember their past mistakes. Every. Single. Day. Pack your bags guys, it really is time now, for you to move on.

Forget Reality Happiness Lies in Delusion

Adapt through facing reality
We easily adapt through facing reality

Yes, so here we are again, it’s Christmas. The season to be jolly and all that. And indeed why not? It’s a sure fact, Christmas does have the power to create happiness, peace and love, for some. Who am I to question this power? If it works, do it, that’s my advice.

Just as long as delusional beliefs have the power to make us happy, why shouldn’t we continue to hold them? If a belief, delusional or not, has the power to lift our lives and create happiness, there can be no harm, surely? Well, I think we should entertain a little caution.

Most beliefs are very much a personal thing. Collective beliefs, such as those surrounding Christmas, do come at a cost to some. The cost is, not all of us actually want to be drafted into the collective beliefs, of the majority. Because of this, Christmas may have the opposite effect on us, to that of the majority. To some, Christmas is a very challenging and difficult time.

To feel obliged, into following traditions and the beliefs of others at this time of year, is a very tiring and stressful affair. I can of course hear the reaction. I hear the words: “Bah Humbug” and all that guilting shit. However, it’s true to say, the lonely are no less alone at this time, in fact, they may feel worse.  Unless, that is, they’re able to pull a very special trick.

This special trick, is to adopt some delusional beliefs of their own, that are as useful, to those working within the fictional reality, of religion.

A fictional reality created by the manipulative cleverness of religious workers. These chancers, have succeeded in making the fictional beliefs of religion, a working reality. They earn money from a collective delusion. Is this a brilliant deception?”

This deception has been achieved through the ‘time wearing’ effect. Think of a slow drip of water onto a rock, in time, the water will wear the rock. You might think this an amazing feat, it no doubt is, however we must remember, the Chinese also invented water torture,  something that eventually drove those who experienced it, insane.

And so collective insanity has been created through the ‘time wearing’ effect. I would like to give you further account of this phenomenon.”

Think of spending time with a work colleague who is very kind and accommodating. This colleague even has the means at her disposal to grant you extra time off, and even determine extra paid hours, that you might not necessarily have worked. Over time, the more these ‘special favours’ go on, the more indebted you might become. One day this work colleague approaches you asking for a favour.

Now, even though you may have an understanding – about the potential backward/forward nature of ‘favours’ never being a good thing – you listen to her suggestion. Because this colleague has been unable to use up all her holiday allowance during the year she has a plan to get paid for them instead, the only problem being, she’s salaried.

Yes, she is salaried (fixed wages with no overtime) and you’re not. So here is the suggestion: What she would like to do, is pay you these extra hours, so you can then transfer these extra hours,  into her bank account. 

To the streetwise this will instantly sound a bit doggy. You’d be right, it’s fraud. However, because you’ve potentially been softened up over time, you may feel it necessary to overlook, the fraudulent nature of this arrangement, and go ahead with it.

Clearly, we can see the dangers of the insanity of others, and the ‘time wearing’ effect, rearing its ugly head once again. Imagine how you’d feel if, some months down the line, this anomaly became flagged-up at head office, and everyone got fired. Slightly pissed off I should imagine. The time wearing effect really is a fucker.

“There can be no harm in delusional beliefs provided they’re kept to the individual who finds them of benefit. Many delusional beliefs, when shared with others, are dangerously exploitative.”

And so coming back to happiness and delusion. What we must understand about delusional beliefs is, they often only suit the individual. If delusional beliefs are of benefit and use to you, as an individual,  all is well. Just remember, when we include others into our delusions, this can prove damaging. Cults would be prime example of their damaging nature when others are involved.

Let’s be clear: the ‘time wearing effect’ is very seductive and subtle. We may be sucked into a false sense of security. Be sure that collective beliefs are of benefit to you, if not, dump them. If you choose, I can help you dump the current, collective beliefs – of manipulative religious workers – by pointing something out to you:

“You can make every day happy and peaceful through believing you are a good, compassionate person. A person who has the power of love to help you through. Once you decide to dump the delusions of others, this power of love, is something you will find deep within.”

Please have a lovely day tomorrow. This can be achieved through having nothing to do with the delusions of chancers, and everything to do with knowing this: Your future reality is what you consciously make it. Make the right choice. א