He couldn’t remember a time of ever feeling safe; not ever. He supposed, in a way, it came from the understanding that you couldn’t rely on anything or anyone. The older he got, the more he understood some fundamental assumptions, and here they were: In childhood you should be able to rely on the adults around you. In adulthood, when damaged, you should be able to rely on a welfare state to take care of you. But the thing he’d come to know, was that none of this, were true.

This was the case, especially when those in authority couldn’t, or didn’t want to understand

Because his problems were something he’d been taught to be ashamed of, he’d spent his entire life, trying to hide them. The authorities failed him because they were choosing to remain blind to the truth of his problems. The real problem frightened them. It frightened them because of its scale. Right now, society faced a massive, problem.

If a government wants to take care of its people then it should take full responsibility

When he looked at it through cynical eyes, he saw those within government, as only being in it for themselves. He saw that they didn’t genuinely care about the people at all. Surely if they did, they’d understand that looking after damaged people, is only half their responsibility. And if they really cared about the people, they’d tackle this problem. A part of his mind – he thought of as paranoid – did actually know what the real problem was. The real problem lies in the people themselves. He often wondered if keeping people from the truth had become deliberate? He understood, if you tell people the truth, you hand power to THEM. A power he was beginning to find. His self-diagnosed paranoia, exposed, as a lie. 

As he began to immerse himself in this power – the power of truth – he experienced unfamiliar feelings. All of his past started to become irrelevant

He now understood the unfamiliar. The unfamiliar was a feeling of safety. It was, after all this time, the recognition that true safety is found, not through anything mysterious or otherworldly, but through changing how he used the cleverness of his mind. He realised what he needed to do. He realised that his own worst enemy had been his own mind and his own feelings of insecurity. It was this insecurity that had been driving his illness. It was the cleverness, his mind had been using to find the illusion of security, that had been working against him. A powerful circular pattern of self-fulfilling fear.

His fear had been driving him to seek a security – outside of himself – that never existed. All he needed to do, was see this for what it really was: A grasping to feel loved and needed through some kind of recognition. His lonely soul longed for company and security. The illness was the madness of this driving. This was the disease that cured him. Now he could see, he’d been using the cleverness of his own mind, against himself.

What he also saw now was his own vulnerability; his own disbelief. Another part of his mind had already found a way to create the security he needed, and it was this he’d doubted. Some sought oblivion through the contents of a bottle or syringe. Long ago, he’d denied himself these escape routes. He wanted to face the truth. And it was this that was setting him free.

Image Credit: Pixabay

Snookered with Human Affairs


There are days when I need to take deep breaths. Not because I’ve been running up the stairs, no, it’s because I currently can’t breathe through my nose. Because of this I seem to be forgetting to breathe. It is fortunate I’m able to take these breaths, because without them, I’d be dead. When that happens all my troubles will be over. Including a cold that feels like it might kill me anyway (man flue). I really wish people could learn how to keep their germs, to themselves, hey ho.

Anyway, what of troubles? Troubles such as: How do I get to meet new people? How do I change my current lethargy toward everything except snooker?

Having said that, I can’t even watch Ronnie O’Sullivan, right now. Is he being particularly arrogant at the moment or is that just me? I do of course understand, if you’re not in the UK at the moment, you might not give a rats arse about snooker. Even if it was current in your country, you perhaps still wouldn’t care about snooker, but hold on, I do have a valid point to share.

O’Sullivan’s seeming arrogance is understandable.

As a world class snooker player, he feels it unnecessary, that he should be made to jump through hoops. In order to be in the tournaments he enjoys, O’Sullivan needs to play a lot of snooker; some of which he finds very unappealing. What he actually wants is to cherry pick. He want’s to choose who, where and when, he plays. He feels dictated to and would prefer greater control. It’s completely understandable. He wants something different.

It could be that to call O’Sullivan arrogant is uncalled for and it would be far better to call him assertive. He needs to assert his rights – as he sees them – as a world class player. You would think your choices open up the better you get at something. As we can clearly see though, this is not always the case, especially when up against established regimes, or controlling organisations and people. To challenge this we need to do something different.

It can be that the tendency is to just give up, turn around, and start swimming in the same direction as everyone else

Winning takes strength and incredible tenacity. When putting yourself up, against something well established, the same applies. Whether on a personal level – the need to question established beliefs and patterns of behaviour to manifest meaningful change – or within the bigger picture, persistence is key.

New Business

It’s a similar situation to starting a new business. If you’re small with a limited budget you may find yourself outbid when it comes to finding new customers. If every penny is very precious to you, competing in the normal way, will be impossible.

When we’re up against the big boys, we might end up feeling so beaten down by our efforts, that we become unwell.

If this is the case, it’s time to pause, and take stock. If what you’ve been doing isn’t working it’s time to do something different. The likes of O’Sullivan have suffered with their health in the past, and seeking to break away form being dictated to by the big boys in his business, is likely to prove tricky. He does currently have limited choices. You’ll excuse the pun when I say he looks snookered.

It would seem though that Ronnie O’Sullivan also understands, if he want’s to continue playing snooker, he’ll need to tow the line a little longer. After all, he has adequately proved his ability to get out of snookers, has he not?

With all of this considered, for myself and those interested, there is a small piece of advice I could offer. Stop taking any of this too seriously. When I take another deep breath (through my mouth), and look at the state of human affairs at the moment, I realise that no one else is. Swimming in the same direction as others, (or just treading water) at least until I feel well again, is probably okay.

Image Credit: Pixabay