“From time to time we find ourselves riddled with doubt and uncertainty. Should we shouldn’t we? Do I don’t I? Perhaps, maybe, could be. Doubt, doubt, doubt”
Getting stuck with doubt is extremely debilitating. It’s a little like quicksand in its nature: the more we struggle, the deeper we sink. Wrestling with doubt is also very tiring. When we’re trapped in the confusion, brought on by a doubt and uncertainty, we can even feel like we’re going slightly mad. We can begin to feel like we no longer know our own mind and begin to rely on others to make decisions for us.
If you can imagine a child emotionally abused for years, having all their decisions and choices questioned, criticised and invalidated time and time again, they eventually become weak and subservient to their abuser. The insanity of confusion and doubt is so strong, they become completely reliant on their abusers to make decisions for them. They literally no longer know their own mind. Self-doubt seeded over years of abuse.
There are relationships like this in adulthood. A gentle soul can have all their assertive, decision making skills, sucked out of them, through the subtle and insidious installation of doubt. “Are you sure?” Oh you bet I am.
“There are those, who make a point of going out of their way, in order to cast doubt on all our thoughts and actions. We must watch and listen closely for this kind of abuse. In time it becomes the norm, and we no longer see or hear its abusive, controlling nature”
The game of instilling doubt is played as a form of control. If we want to damage the self-esteem of a child, for example, all we need do is question and invalidate their choices through criticism. Do this for long enough, and eventually, they’ll simply give up making any decisions for themselves at all. Then we’ll have them totally at our mercy, completely in our control. We must ask why would anyone need to do this to a child? In answer to this, it’s frightened, insecure adults, who need to do this. In particular, it’s adults who believe they own their children, or indeed their partners.
“Sometimes, those who we believe to be powerful, are only this way as a result of stealing power from others. Society is full of these kind of people”
Being assertive with our decision making does take courage. From deciding what clothes to wear before going out for dinner, to the bigger decisions in life, there will always be a degree of courage involved. We must overcome our fear of change and the chances of making mistakes. If we fear mistakes, either through having made many in the past, or having this fear instilled in us as children, we will of course be reluctant to make quick, impulsive decisions. There are times though, when it’s these kind of snap decisions, that open up our lives in ways we previously didn’t imagine.
“It is said, there are is no such thing as a mistake, only feedback. The feedback that gives us the opportunity to do things differently next time around. Without mistakes, how will we ever know?”
There are certain things in life we can be sure of. One of these things is that change can only enhance life. An unwelcome change may not feel like it at the time, yet eventually, hindsight always shows us the necessity and importance of change. We must make all manner of decisions every day. If we doubt everyone we make, we become stuck, and we stagnate.
Watch a listen closely to those around you. Are they invalidating and questioning your everyday choices? If so, this kind of toxic situation, will be creating your confusion. Is it time to move on? Decide.