“I wanted to tell her how important life is, how I could see fear was controlling her work-alcoholism, and how fear was the root to her control-freak nature, but that in itself, would be doing the very thing she was: trying to control the uncontrollable.”
Instead, I’ve let it go, and now just observe her erratic behaviour from a distance. It is only time after all, or is that the wrong thing to say? Time is in fact very important. What I suppose I mean, is the process of learning when the time is right to let go, takes time you can’t change.
“Like the time it takes for a kettle to boil, you can’t speed it up, unless you use more power that is. They say ‘a watched pot never boils’ and this could be regardless of how much power we put in. Perhaps sometimes we need to let go, and observe, and sometimes we need more power.”
The amount of time she spends working in the store actually reduces her power, another thing she can’t see. We become less efficient when we’re tired, trying to control everything, and everyone around us. The main reason I don’t want her to let go of control, is it’s likely to increase my burden, one I can well do without, what with the squirrelling and so on.
Did you know, a squirrel can hide thousands of nuts and remember where every single one is stored? It’s true, I’m a little like that with memories; I remember a lot of things, in a very different way, to how alzheimer’s sufferers cling to unforgiving pasts they’re trying to make sense of. It all makes sense to you and me. The time is moving on for change.
When it comes to change, believing it’s possible to move forward and make changes, has a lot to do with your imagination. Could Jane/Carol even imagine a better future. One thing she recently said was: “I’d get bored if I had days off.” Wow, that really does smack of lacking imagination, does it not?
I often find myself imagining a future, where I’m not asleep, and sometimes I think this future is just my wistful imagination. Are you really out there, my beautiful future?