Holding Pattern

Birds Freedom

The birds circled overhead, their holding pattern, a mirror of his current state of mind. Round and round went his thoughts. This wasn’t troubling him; it created no stress. He had, after all, been thinking about human drama. Ironically, what manifested from these circular thoughts, was this strange, yet calming, holding pattern.

As his mind was drawn back to the birds, he found himself wondering once again, what it must be like to be one. To be so free and independent. He knew the birds weren’t aware of their freedom; they weren’t able to compare their lives, with that of the other animals. In a way, this made their freedom, a little pointless. If you didn’t know how free you were what was the point? As this thought came to mind he was reminded of human drama. How humans kept themselves enslaved by it.

All the games and torment. The competitive fight for supremacy and power. Such wilfulness was both their success and their downfall. He wondered about the empty minds of the birds. He thought about how they’re purely driven by instinct alone. This instinct was what drove them to fight for territory, for their mating rights and the all rest of it, we, it would seem, are not so different.

For us humans there were options. We can choose to be involved with instinctive games or we can rise above them. He supposed it was the way the games satiated the instinctive mind that made them so addictive. It also had a lot to do with the level of awareness you had, and the control you could exert, over the self. When we see examples, of how adults exert this control over themselves, we learn it for ourselves.

Conscious Emotions

Those who have the most control over their emotions, seem to be the ones who have control, over most other aspects of their lives. To not be dictated to by our emotions seems to be the greatest asset anyone could have. We can see it in businessmen and women who’re able to compartmentalise. They’re able to separate business from personal.

Even though there’s this separation, there is a spillover. The control they have over their self in business affairs, spills into their personal lives, too. Life is not a succession of moving from one drama to another. It’s a succession, of moving from one stimulating and creative experience to another, that’s driven by something they’re in control of: Their minds.

The difference is they know how to think. They’ve been taught how to do this. They’ve been show the kind of results rational thinking can bring. They’ve been shown how awareness and control over the self can bring success. When a child is shown how to rationalise their thoughts and emotions, they grow to be in control, of their self.

If the birds were to ever evolve into having the kind of consciousness, we currently touch, what would they do with it? Would they become aware of their freedom? Or would they be like humans and decide to cut off their wings, to eventually revert; becoming lost in their instinctive drivings, once again? Would they still see value in their old ways of fighting for mating rights, territory, and power? Or would they embrace the freedom of their new found awareness? Would they soar above the treetops, just to watch; amused by the fighting animals, below. Would they rise in the thermals just to feel the pleasure of flight?

When will we?

Image Credit: Pixabay

Precognition

Precognition

Ironically enough, we have a dead language to thank for the rather lovely word, precognition. Along with the origins of language, looking at the past, shows us many things. Analysing the past can help us understand the present. There is power in this if we want to change the future. If we want to break patterns of behaviour, for example, we analyse the past, in order to see the original cause, or causes, to disruptive behaviour. This knowledge empowers us to change. Through the recognition, of how behaviour is learned, we’re empowered to unlearn it. Human behaviour is very changeable in this respect.

Further to analysing the past, in order to alter the present, what can we gain from looking into the future through foresight? Or, as with the origin of the word precognition would suggest, what can we ‘know’ about the future?

In logical terms we can guess at future events through basing these guesses on the past

Logic tells us we can never actually know the future without it being based on this kind of guesswork. For example, if I were to get drunk and then pick a fight outside a club, there’s a strong likelihood I’d get punched in the gob. As such, if I actually go ahead with such a plan, it becomes easy to guess what might happen, if I repeated such behaviour in the future. If I do it again more fool me. Does this make me clairvoyant? No, not really, it just means I’m aware of cause and effect and able to act on this kind of foresight.  

As an older man, my skill at predicting likely outcomes has improved with age, but what of a teenager? Is a teenager, who carries a ten inch blade in his pocket, also considering the simple principles that save me from getting repeatedly punched? Obviously not and in this respect, it could be said we become wiser, through experience. Our experiences award us greater awareness of potential consequences. And yes, I did once get drunk, pick a fight and get punched in the gob. I only needed to do this once. It could of course been a little more serious if I’d decided to carry a knife. When I was a child that simply wouldn’t have come to mind. The reason it does now has a lot to do with events in our recent past. Events that would of been unheard of forty years ago. We can clearly see from this, the past, will always have a bearing, on the choices we make, in the present.

Future events are also decided by your actions in the present

Sportsmen and women are predicting the future all the time. Consider snooker or chess. A snooker player is predicting in his mind what will happen when the cue ball hits the object ball. Not only this, he’s also predicting in his mind where the cue ball will end up, after its connected with the object ball, and even bounced of several cushions. There are many variables that need to be considered. With snooker the player is seeking to ‘know’ what will happen next. The skill is in the present when he actually hits the cue ball. His knowledge is based on previous experience. With practice, knowing how snooker balls react when struck, is fairly predictable and constant. Chess is a little different, in that the players are seeking to predict what their human opponents are likely to do, in response to certain moves. Predicting human behaviour is certainly more challenging.

Whether we’re aware of it or not, just like snooker and chess players, we all spend a fair amount of time, either thinking about imagined futures, or trying to predict the ‘what ifs’ of life. Cause and effect is very important if we’re to win the game of life and avoid any nasty punches.

And so how would it be, if we were able to predict events we had no direct connection to? Is this possible? Logic would say not. Even though this is the case, the human mind often displays extraordinary talents, that defy logic.

An open mind, that’s free of conflict, is able to see significance in the mundane

The vast majority of us, don’t have the time or inclination to see much significance, in everyday events and patterns. We have busy lives, with so much going on, that most things just pass us by. We’re not really all that aware, and who can blame us, we’re busy! Lot’s to do, people to see, places to go. It’s only those who have still, empty minds, with little conflict, that are likely to be the most open.

What is it these open minds can show us and how can we benefit from it?

It’s so often assumed that the universe really doesn’t give two hoots about the fate of the individual. I recently read about the mother and daughter who used the flip of a coin to make a decision. The decision concerned who should go on a certain flight from London to New York. As it turned out, on 21 December 1988, the flip of that coin decided who should live and who should die.

As far as the future was concerned, once the plane took off, the only people who really knew what was going to happen next, were the people responsible for planting the bomb, that blasted it out of the sky. So what if we had the ability to see these events before they happened? Quite obviously, the flight wouldn’t have taken off in the first place, and many lives would have been lengthened.

For the majority of us, seeing future events, will remain restricted to our ability to apply the principles of cause and effect

If I do this, what might happen next? Teaching each other and in particular our children, all about the rules of cause and effect, is invaluable. I think we should all get on with that. It is possible mind you, that through displaying precognitive ability – and as such opening up some interesting questions about the nature of the universe – we might just seize human attention enough, to lengthen some lives. What do you think? Have you had any precognitive experiences?

Image Credit: Pixabay 

Snookered with Human Affairs

Snookered

There are days when I need to take deep breaths. Not because I’ve been running up the stairs, no, it’s because I currently can’t breathe through my nose. Because of this I seem to be forgetting to breathe. It is fortunate I’m able to take these breaths, because without them, I’d be dead. When that happens all my troubles will be over. Including a cold that feels like it might kill me anyway (man flue). I really wish people could learn how to keep their germs, to themselves, hey ho.

Anyway, what of troubles? Troubles such as: How do I get to meet new people? How do I change my current lethargy toward everything except snooker?

Having said that, I can’t even watch Ronnie O’Sullivan, right now. Is he being particularly arrogant at the moment or is that just me? I do of course understand, if you’re not in the UK at the moment, you might not give a rats arse about snooker. Even if it was current in your country, you perhaps still wouldn’t care about snooker, but hold on, I do have a valid point to share.

O’Sullivan’s seeming arrogance is understandable.

As a world class snooker player, he feels it unnecessary, that he should be made to jump through hoops. In order to be in the tournaments he enjoys, O’Sullivan needs to play a lot of snooker; some of which he finds very unappealing. What he actually wants is to cherry pick. He want’s to choose who, where and when, he plays. He feels dictated to and would prefer greater control. It’s completely understandable. He wants something different.

It could be that to call O’Sullivan arrogant is uncalled for and it would be far better to call him assertive. He needs to assert his rights – as he sees them – as a world class player. You would think your choices open up the better you get at something. As we can clearly see though, this is not always the case, especially when up against established regimes, or controlling organisations and people. To challenge this we need to do something different.

It can be that the tendency is to just give up, turn around, and start swimming in the same direction as everyone else

Winning takes strength and incredible tenacity. When putting yourself up, against something well established, the same applies. Whether on a personal level – the need to question established beliefs and patterns of behaviour to manifest meaningful change – or within the bigger picture, persistence is key.

New Business

It’s a similar situation to starting a new business. If you’re small with a limited budget you may find yourself outbid when it comes to finding new customers. If every penny is very precious to you, competing in the normal way, will be impossible.

When we’re up against the big boys, we might end up feeling so beaten down by our efforts, that we become unwell.

If this is the case, it’s time to pause, and take stock. If what you’ve been doing isn’t working it’s time to do something different. The likes of O’Sullivan have suffered with their health in the past, and seeking to break away form being dictated to by the big boys in his business, is likely to prove tricky. He does currently have limited choices. You’ll excuse the pun when I say he looks snookered.

It would seem though that Ronnie O’Sullivan also understands, if he want’s to continue playing snooker, he’ll need to tow the line a little longer. After all, he has adequately proved his ability to get out of snookers, has he not?

With all of this considered, for myself and those interested, there is a small piece of advice I could offer. Stop taking any of this too seriously. When I take another deep breath (through my mouth), and look at the state of human affairs at the moment, I realise that no one else is. Swimming in the same direction as others, (or just treading water) at least until I feel well again, is probably okay.

Image Credit: Pixabay

Beautiful use of Language

Beautiful Use of Language
Gentle Words

Talk is cheap. This proverb refers to the fact it’s easier to say we’ll do something than to actually do it. There’s no doubt we sometimes use words far too freely. We unthinkingly open our mouths and say things we later come to regret. Or, as the proverb suggests, we use language to make promises we can’t keep.

Slow up

As with many things, the antidote to poor use of language, is to slow down a little. When we slow, it’s possible to take the necessary time, to process our thoughts and true intentions. Above all, we must slow-up sufficiently to give ourselves enough time to consider the consequences, of the words we’re about to use. Thinking before speaking is a skill to nurture.

Volume

Last night I went to see the improv comedian and performance poet Phill Jupitus (If you’re English you’ll perhaps know him from various TV appearances during the late 90’s). Although I’m not in the business of reviewing comedy acts, or poetry for that matter, I thought on the whole it was value for money. My only issue was with all the shouting.

Quite a lot of comedians seem to do this. Often it’s done to beat hecklers down. Last night, it also had the effect of scaring the laughter, out of the audience. On occasion we all seemed terrified of Jupitus. He was very loud and intimidating. Laughter is an antidote to fear. Does Jupitus know this? Anyway, the hideous volume can mostly be credited to a good PA system, I suppose.

Words can be our stock-in-trade

Without the power of words (and their volume) Jupitus would be a bit lost. Words are his stock-in-trade. It’s evident time has taught him how to use words to good effect; even if this is just to shout down the hecklers. He seems to have grown so very tired of being heckled, over the past fourteen months of touring, that cutting them all dead in the first ten minutes – through sheer volume alone – seems to have become a necessity.

There was a little cleverness when Jupitus suggested – that if anybody wanted to heckle him – they’d be brought down to the stage to do five minutes of stand-up on their own. The audience went quiet, in terms of heckling, from that point forward. Hecklers are after all, just seeking a little bit of the limelight themselves, and Jupitus has cleverly recognised they often only want this surreptitiously. The suggestion, like any defence tactic, could have backfired though. Luckily it worked on this occasion.

 The Alternative: Beautiful use of Language

Like his mother before him Andrea Bocelli sang to his son a lot during his childhood. Listen to them now and this becomes all too evident. These two people, and their use of language, is evidence of how we become a clear reflection of the type of communication we experience during childhood.  

For some of us the type of communication experienced, was gentle, considered and kind. If so, you will have become a reflection if this. The alternative is the harsh, manipulative and ugly use of words, we so often hear. I personally heard a lot of fear and anger when young. Because of this, it’s necessary I make a conscious effort to remain gentle and calm, especially when anxious and stressed.

When I listen to Andrea Bocelli and his son sing, it makes me want to use gentle and beautiful communication. Their beautiful example makes me want to do this with all those I meet. I’m sure more music will help me on this quest. A door to be left open.

With this in mind, I believe we must all consider how and why we use the words we do. We could all be a little gentler with each other. We must also take the time to create the silence needed, to change these words, into something beautiful.

Pointless Continued Disruption

Disruption and Uncertainty
Maybe

A few years ago now, I was negotiating a lease on a property, from where I wanted to run a Hypnotherapy practise

The issue for me was the time span of said lease. The landlord wanted me to sign a ten year agreement which, as you can probably imagine, was too far sighted for my needs. All I wanted was a two year agreement.

This relatively short term of two years would offer me freedom, if things either didn’t work out, or, as proved to be the case, I needed to move on. From experience, I know there’s nothing worse than trying to release oneself from a signed lease agreement, early. It can be very expensive.

As time went on, and the to-and-fro emails from solicitors continued, eventually the lease was adjusted to my needs. Even so, I  continued to delay signing; there was some doubt in my mind, over the planned expansion. Eventually, the phone rang, and the landlords solicitor simply asked me a question: “Do you want this or not?” It was a yes or no response he was after.

There are times when we fail to recognise that everything is as planned

We may have become so used to things being uncertain and changeable, that we become blind to the reality. We’ve been successful! The things we’ve been striving for, have actually, arrived. So used to the game of disruption, have we become, that it’s now the norm.

Uncertainty, doubt, grey areas – call it what you will – can become a familiar place if we’re not careful. We must ask: if all we want to do is create disruption in our minds – and that of others – have we perhaps lost touch of reality? What were we striving for in the first place?

My initial plans, for expansion into another area, had become lost in the detail. I was so focused, on disrupting the landlords excessive demands, that I’d lost sight of my original excitement and enthusiasm for helping people in this new area.

Of course during this period of delay, everyone found the need to project all their frustrations and issues, onto poor old me (boohoo). Added to this, there was the issue of my advertising expenses; they were growing.

Growing costs and disappointed potential clients – only being added to a waiting list – was not a good situation. No consulting rooms, no paying clients.

All in all the message is clear: be careful to not get lost in the detail

Unless your intention is to drive others insane, with your methods for disruption, stop playing the game of uncertainty. Get on with the plan, make decisions, stop the unnecessary, expensive dialog, and move forward. As with the question from the solicitor, all we need sometimes, is a little shove in the right direction. Do you or don’t you? Simple.

Image credit: Pixabay

Powerless to Powerful

Choice

I read a blog post this morning that spoke about choices. The author of the post was saying how it’s sometimes of no benefit to tell people: ‘you have a choice.’ I wholeheartedly agree.

I agree, because there are times in life, when we feel like we don’t have the power to make sensible choices. We may feel so powerless that we’re unable to make any choices at all. We can feel like we have ‘no choice.’

At some point most of us have, or will experienced, a feeling of powerlessness

We only have to look around us to see all the powerless people. People who know in their hearts, that their chosen lifestyle, isn’t healthy. People who known there’s more to life than the way they’re currently living. And yet they seem stuck. The seem powerless.

Even though this path is likely to end with a walk across broken glass, they’re so powerless, they have no choice

It’s not all doom and gloom though. There is always a way to change powerlessness into power. It does involve choice, and as good fortune would have it, on this occasion, it’s an easy one to make. It’s a choice that can be decided in an instant, and it’s one that even the powerless, can make.

When I think back, to help me understand what it was that helped me make important decisions in the past, I realise what it was that awarded me this power. It seems there’s a fine line between choosing to change – because we’re fearful of the consequences if we don’t – and making that same choice, through love. Perhaps both are involved.

There are some choices in life that are easy to make

Yes, it could well be the case, that we firstly need to feel a little afraid of consequences, but then we must be focused on the need for more. We must want more if we’re to avoid that walk across broken glass.

Firstly we’re fearful of the pain and consequences, if we stay on the same path, but then we must turn our attention to the benefits of change. It’s the only way, because if we stay afraid, we stay powerless. There is no lasting power in fear. It may embolden us to begin with (fight or flight) yet this quickly fades. Love never fades. So the question now is: How do we turn to love?

In answer to that last question, and to continue on from the link, we turn to love through watching example. We must want the kind of life we see others living. We must know – or at the very least suspect – what it must be like to live a beautiful life. Finding those who we see as having beautiful lives is where it gets a little tricky. I say this because it is of course relative to how we think. It’s relative to how educated we are to the importance of looking after our minds and bodies.

It could be that we wait for the warning signs

Be this in our health: we might wait until we experience blood in our vomit before we stop drinking (by then of course it might be too late). Or we might wait until our partner becomes violent before we decide to leave a toxic relationship. Either way, waiting, under these kind of circumstances, is a bit of a fools game. Far better to make a comparison, and then ask if the life we currently have, is making the grade. And with that in mind, be assured, a beautiful life has nothing to do with what most of us are taught to believe.

Yes there are times when to be told: ‘you have a choice’ can feel empty and even slightly insulting

It certainly feels this way when we’re powerless and unable to change. It’s this powerlessness we must firstly expunge. We do this through seeking examples of how to live and then applying this to ourselves. Yes, fear is involved, but then we must always turn to love. It’s okay to be afraid of the consequences – of continuing along the path we’re currently on – however, we must be aware and remember, love will always be the essential ingredient to find.

To close, there are some further important things for us to be aware of

Many of us follow the paths we do because we’re seeking the very thing I’m speaking of. We actually believe, on a very deep level, that the things we do – that are not for our better good – will get us the love and attention we crave. If we’re very lucky, toward the end of our lives, we might find a caring nurse or relative that treats us with the respect and love, only a child deserves. Here is the important point: We mustn’t seek this kind of love. The opportunity for this died when we became adults.

Those who suggest they will take responsibility for you, are taking your power, and keeping you stuck

The kind of love we must seek is that of an adult. A love that understands how being fully responsible for ourselves, is the only way to live a long, happy and healthy life. Don’t wait, find the examples you seek, and step into life. We turn powerlessness into power through love.  

From Where the Wind

From Where the Wind

For years I got confused about wind direction

It still happens occasionally now. I have to remind myself, if I want to work out the wind direction, I need to think about where the wind is coming from, not where it’s going.

For example, if the wind is coming from the south west, this – in terms of reading it – is its direction. The wind is a south-westerly. My confusion would be to think that wind direction was where it’s going to!

In other words I would confuse a south-westerly as a north-easterly. The wind is going north-easterly but coming from the south-west. Wind direction is where its coming form. I remember! … Sometimes.

We all have these little confusions. Another one I’m reminded of now, is the order of a couple of letters, within the English alphabet. As a child I would often follow the letter Q with a U. This is incorrect as Q is followed by the letter R. I suppose it was something to do with Q and U rhyming. This holds no confusion for me nowadays. Unlike wind direction.

This brings me to my point: order and direction of thought

The order and direction of our thoughts are dictated by the map that exists within our minds. Our mental maps are created when very young and used as reference to the world. As a child wind direction wasn’t something ever discussed in detail. In fact it’s unlikely the subject was ever covered. If it had been – and how we read its direction explained – it’s highly likely there’d be no confusion now.

However, the point to bear in mind is, if wind direction had been explained to me (as fact) in a way that contradicted the established method, it would certainly explain my current confusion. As it is though, information is missing, from any earlier maps. I’m having to create a new one.

So, when it comes to understanding models and methods for living out our lives – that contradict established ones – confusion, can be the result. What we must remember though, is confusion only exists, because it conflicts with our childhood understandings.

If what we learnt in childhood isn’t working for us, it’s time to learn something new, and confusion need only last a short while

It need only last as long as it takes to understand how, we must change the direction and order, of our thinking. If we’re to make the necessary changes in our lives, we must be prepared to question the order, and direction of our beliefs.

We are coming from a different direction entirely

Decades of thinking about the human will has lead us to understand some fundamental differences. Those of us who’re motivated by fear will seek to control and entrap each other. Those of us who’re motivated by love will seek to empower and set each other free. It’s a direction you may have yet to experienced.

We are directed by the belief that love is empowerment. We also believe, the only way any of us are ever going to find this for ourselves, is to teach it  

Take some time to notice what’s happening in the world today and then ask yourself: Would it be beneficial to change the direction and order of my thinking? We know where we’re coming from, and we also know how this will dictate the kind of lives, we live. Get yourself on track for a beautiful life. Contact us.

A Weekend to Change Your Life

A Weekend to Change Your Life

We believe it’s possible for a person to change the direction of their life in a moment. We know it only takes a moment for a willing person to remove an unconscious limitation. We also know you’ll never get this kind of lasting change from a book alone.

Even so, the two books pictured above are the culmination of twenty years work. Work that now helps us understand how to question and change our beliefs. Once this is achieved, we are then free to creatively instill positive and empowering thoughts and behaviours, that bring beauty into our lives and relationships.

It is the study and exploration of the human mind that has brought this about. People who are passionate about life will always find ways to enhance their experience of it. If you believe education is the key to finding this, you may well read the books. If you believe that life is to be made beautiful you will seek more.

Our relationships and beliefs focused weekend course is based on these two books. It will change your life. If this life can be changed in a moment, imagine what a weekend, can achieve. Join us in Spring 2019. Limited spaces available. General enquiries to: info@freedmancollege.org

By clicking here you will be taken to our short online application form.

The Confluence is Approaching

The Confluence is Approaching

When rivers merge each adds something to the other. Be it nutrients, fish or just water itself, a greater power and presence is created through confluence.

The similarity with the word influence is not coincidental

There is power in numbers. For example, were it not for the six million British men, mobilised during the first world war, it’s likely the outcome would have been very different. The greater the numbers the greater the influence. This is not to say there isn’t power within the individual. After all, each and everyone of those six million men, was an individual in their own right. We can in fact get a little lost in the numbers if we’re not careful. It’s only when we hear individual stories – about the after-effects of 700,000 lives cut short – do we begin to get a sense of the loss and sacrifice.

Our strength as a species is our ability to get along and function in groups. Whether it’s an army or a community with a common aim, when we begin to think alike, our strength builds. As we have experienced to our cost though, when groups of people with conflicting beliefs are set against each other, war is the result. In 1914 this difference was in the nature of their beliefs, for it’s true to say, the German soldiers also believed they were fighting for their freedom.

It’s only when communication is clear, and there’s a commonality within our aims and beliefs, do we avoid conflict

We can take this concept down to the level of the individual. What, for example, do you believe freedom to be? It’s certainly a relative thing – one man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter, and all that. Within our style of development we say that freedom is a state of mind. When there are warring factions between what we want, and what we believe, there’s sufficient conflict to enslave.

It’s the case that we must cure the root of the problem if we’re to ease this kind of conflict. Incongruent beliefs between peoples is the cause of confusion. In the same light, when our conscious want’s differ to our unconscious beliefs, the result is conflict.  

There are of course consequences to winning our freedom. As with the soldiers of the first world war, when the fighting was over, many were left wondering what to do next. Many soldiers have been fighting for years, when it stops, there’s an emptiness to be filled. Similarly, those of us who’ve been stuck for years – fighting our own personal battles – are often left in the same predicament. Freedom from this, is only found, when we truly understand what peace is. And when we know what to do with it.

When the guns had finally stopped, imagine what silence the soldiers of years ago, experienced. A deafening nothingness the mind would have needed to fill. A ringing in the ears that would have gone on for some time. The guns are silent now, the confluence, approaching.

Why Relationships and Beliefs Focused?

The I of The Storm

The I of The Storm/Snakes and Ladders

The eye of the storm is calm because the surface winds do not reach it.

In answer to the question posed in our title, when we’re able to identify what underpins so many of the decisions and choices we make in life, we’re able to cut away a lot of unnecessary growing pains. We’re also able to eliminate so much potential confusion and disappointment.

Sometimes expectations don’t match our unconscious beliefs

We might have sensible and achievable expectations, yet there can be an aspect of our mind, that’s holding us back. Of course, due to the hidden nature of the unconscious mind, we won’t know this is the case. We’ll have no awareness as to what’s at the root of our limitations. It’s only when we come up against a few brick walls – that we seem unable step around or climb over – do we become confused and suspicious. No matter how hard we try, there’s something unseen, that keeps scuppering our plans. This is limiting beliefs in action, and where workshop attendance, becomes a revelation.

Relationships are also an important part of this puzzle

We’ll need to unpick whether our relationship might be part of the problem. A relationship with dependency issues, for example, could be the very thing causing our underachievement. In this respect, studying a model of how to create a healthy relationship is one thing, yet understanding it, and then putting it into practice, is another matter entirely. As such, first hand experience – on a practical level – of how to better understand what the building blocks of relationships are, will prove invaluable. Knowing what the functionality of these blocks is, and how to better place them, can now be sown into our consciousness.

It’s well understood that prevention is better than cure

In this respect, placing ourselves in the most favourable position to begin with, is the smart way of thinking. Smart, because it’s gaining an understanding of the most fundamental influencing factors, to our happiness, success and wellbeing, that puts us ahead of the game.

Meeting and learning from the people, who’ve both won and lost at this game, is a little like playing snakes and ladders with all the snakes removed. At the very least, releasing ourselves from our negative beliefs, means we can well avoid the pitfalls created by our unknown self-limitations.

Knowing how to securely place the ladders – to our future success and happiness – comes from a smart, proactive outlook. Knowing what to look for is paramount. We must all seek the calm self-assurance, that lies at the eye of our storm, by questioning and removing what’s limiting, within the I of us. 

Reaching our place of calm is achieved once we understand how we are creating the storm.

Eye of the Storm

Take some time to explore, and consider how workshop attendance in Spring 2019, will award you a favourable throw of the dice. You can find your application form here.

Collective Sanity

Gravity: The Force of Love

We in the west are disturbed by the recent images of Pakistani men protesting against the decision to free a woman accused of blasphemy. These men shout, throw their fists in the air, and call for her death. They’re baying for blood. They have placards depicting a hangman’s noose around her neck. They want her hanged for standing up for her beliefs.

Looked at from afar, it’s just another example, of how beliefs often defy logic and reasoning. Even though this is the case, we can clearly see the kind of feelings created, when deeply ingrained beliefs are brought into question.

Religious beliefs are of course a very fertile breeding ground for the collective insanity we’re currently experiencing

The insanity is revealed when we step back and ask ourselves: how can it be right and proper for someone to be hanged for questioning beliefs in an attempt to protect their own? It’s the power of the majority at work. The majority are able to assert their ‘rightness’ over the minorities ‘wrongness’. And yet when we really think about it, there is no right or wrong about any beliefs, they’re just that … beliefs. They are neither correct nor incorrect. In this respect, for beliefs to remain valuable and effective, they must always be considered as fluid, malleable and transient.

The unconscious is a data storage system and nothing more

Its job is to store information and give it up when requested by our consciousness. Our beliefs are what applies influence to this output. The problem being, when these beliefs were first formed (childhood), our filtering consciousness (its critical faculty) wasn’t sufficiently developed, to question their validity and usefulness in a modern world. Back then, we accepted everything absolutely, without any questioning filters at all.

When our beliefs and values are such, that we feel it’s right and acceptable to put someone to death for questioning us, surly we’ve become insane? The situation highlighted above is no doubt being exacerbated by the hysteria of a crowd. Away from the crowd though, reason dictates the total insanity, of placing belief over life. Yet we see examples of this everywhere.

The point to bear in mind, is that when these well established beliefs are brought into question, it can be very unsettling and frightening for those who hold them dear. This is all too apparent when we see what’s happening in Pakistan. Their fear is palpable. Their hatred and anger is fuelled by this.

It seems that we are powerless in the face of this insanity

We must always remember the nature of news broadcasts. We only see a small snippet of what’s really going on in the world. We’re only shown those stories that seem ‘newsworthy,’ and these extreme examples, tend to leave a bias in our minds. Whether we see it or not, the world is still a beautiful place, and there are a few beautiful people living here too.

Gravity: The Force of Love

It is unfortunate, that there are those who refuse to separate themselves from the crowd – and its collective insanity – simply because they’re unable to see their fear and ignorance. It takes courage to question those things we hold dear, simply because as soon as we do, change is implied.

The collective madmen of the world can’t see any alternatives

What their minds are failing to show them, (through the filters of collective religious beliefs) is the beauty they could welcome into their lives, through change. There is an extraordinary freedom for us to experience through this change. When we understand, how the output from our data storage system (unconscious) is dictated by the prejudice of our outdated beliefs, we begin to set ourselves free.

There is very little love and respect stored in the minds of the fearful. Fear of change and the unknown is so all-encompassing it’s as if they’ve lost the sight in an eye.

It’s what we believe that makes us frightened. What we believe has been instilled by those who need control

Take the common beliefs of God. They’re too numerous to mention here, however, there is the common theme running through them; that we should in some way be fearful of God. That we will be judged (by our adherence to His instructions) then punished or rewarded accordingly. What religious men and women aren’t getting, is how these ‘instructions’ were created by men, in order to gain the upper-hand through the influence of fear.  And so long ago!

If we take a moment to consider these instructions we will see how God could never speak to us in easily understood terms. Our minds are currently far too over-developed. That’s right! Over-developed. Most are looking for complicated solutions to simple problems. In fact, it’s all getting far too complicated.

I’m reminded that I have in the past spoken about how we can – should we ever feel the need – form more useful beliefs about God

It’s of far greater value to see God existing within information. The universe is built of atoms: very small pieces of information. If we want to find God’s instructions, all we need do, is look within these. When we do, what we see, is the intrinsic need for balance. We also begin to understand what’s holding it all together: the force of gravity. Without this force, nothing would exist.

Gravity: The Force of Love

Within each and every atom – relative to its mass – the force of gravity is of the same value throughout. We must follow this simple rule and bring it into our lives. We will only survive in the long term, if we have a sane, collective belief and understanding, in one common force. How would it be if we called this force love?

Is it love that puts someone to death through their beliefs? Or is that the fear and beliefs of man? Think of God as the force that holds us all together. We need balance, and in order to function well, we need the universal acceptance of each other.

We also need to understand that the force of love has no ambiguity. The force that holds an atom together, doesn’t waver; it is not uncertain. Quite the opposite. It is steady, it is unwavering. Follow this to make it through, and remember, the greater its mass, the greater its power.

Independent Thinking Reality

Independent Thinkers

Those who consider themselves as independent thinkers are usually very proud of this. It’s seen as a very positive character trait. Surly then, it must follow, the more independent we are in our thinking, the better?

Within everything there exists a positive and a negative

Due to their nature, independent thinkers, can at times, feel a little isolated, however, and within reason, they do have the ability to remain comfortable in their own company. Provided they’re sufficiently entertained that is.

When we find a way to offset the negative we can use the positive with renewed purpose and direction

This is to say, when we recognise what holds us back, we’re free to exploit our talents to their utmost. For example, if an independent thinker were to spend too much time in the company of others, this would potentially hamper their development. To think independently we must be exactly that – independent of the thoughts and opinions of others.

So what we must learn is the importance of freedom from the crowd

The same follows for any of us. If we spend too much time in the company of dependent people, or need constant stimulation by other means, our thoughts and behaviours will be influenced by this. To a greater or lesser degree we’re all open to suggestion; you’d be surprised to learn by just how much. In order to stop distracting ourselves – and ultimately aiding those who wish to influence our thinking without our knowledge – we must be mindful and disciplined. Keeping our minds on track is important if we’re to succeed.

Being creative is the form of entertainment we must use to distract ourselves when alone 

We, at The Freedman College, recognise all of the above. We pride ourselves on the innovative and unique style to our workshops. What we teach has been brought about through listening to, and working with, hundreds of different people. People who’ve shown the creativity and tenacity to break from the crowd.

Independent Thinkers

Paradoxically, developing your independence, is actually for the benefit of everyone. To experience us – and the level of freedom our training can bring – you will need to complete your application form here. Want a beautiful life? Make the decision to be positively influenced with knowledge.

Be Up to The Job

Defence Mechanism and Coping Strategies

Worry

Worry, in its simplest form, is projected fear. In other words, we’re thinking about a future event and applying a negative outcome. It could be work related, or just as easily, it could be something in our private life. There might be a particular task we need to undertake at work, and feel unsure of our ability, or we might be meeting someone for the first time, and we’re nervous of how we’ll come across. It is perfectly natural for us to be nervous and worried under such circumstances.

Stretching ourselves, by welcoming in change and challenge, in both personal and professional life, is very important. We can expect a certain amount of stress when stretching. The key, is to seek ways, in which we can reduce the levels of our anxiety.

The Muscle of Mind

It’s true to say, the mind is like a muscle. As with any muscle, when we place it under stress, the effect is to build its strength. In this respect, how we respond to stress and worry, is determined by the strength of our minds. Having said this, the coping strategies we’ve perfected, need to be of a positive nature. Our strength must be of a certain type.

How we deal with worry is determined by our thinking, and most importantly, by the resources we have available to us at this time. Some might think these resources include things that are easily to hand. In fact vast numbers of us turn to those things – to include drink and drugs. In the long term though, these things ultimately only add, to our problems.

Resources

Allow me to give you a simple example of how it’s possible to amplify stress and worry through lack of resources. It’s often the case that when seeking to better our circumstances, there’s a tendency, to just focus on the financial aspects. A manager I’m aware of did such a thing when applying for a job she now has. The unfortunate reality – that her area manager has now begun to realise – is she lacks sufficient resources to be properly effective in this new role.

Training

You might now think the answer would be for her to undergo the necessary training to raise her skills level. Although this is the obvious answer, going back to the blackboard, as it where, doesn’t suit everyone. What if a person’s defence and coping strategies have become irreversible and unnavigable? When this is the case, any training given, is likely met with such incredulity, condescension and contradiction, that it becomes completely ineffective.

As you might have already guessed, this is the case, and so we now have a business that’s declining, and a manager that’s becoming increasingly stressed, as a result. Neither the staff around her, or the area manager, seem able to do anything about it. They’re left staring open-mouthed, innocently witnessing her progressive and inevitable, melt-down. Sad but true. You can read a slightly tongue in cheek account of a staff members views here.

Defence Mechanism and Coping Strategies

We all have them and it’s important to recognise how they might be affecting our performance and well-being. Our defence can be to completely ignore advice and guidance – blindly believing we can manage without it. Our coping strategy might be the pills. It might be an addiction to sugar or perhaps we’re over eating and drinking too much. As odd as it might sound, the manager mentioned above, copes through gambling. It’s a means of distraction and route to the melt-down she’s unconsciously seeking. More stress? You bet; excuse for the pun.

So the questions we must ask ourselves are these:

What are my coping stratagies?

Am I up to the job?

In what way is my mind (ego) defending me?

Do I believe I’m capable?

Personal Development is the way and the means to raising our self-awareness. There is a way to reduce our need for coping strategies and defence mechanisms. You can find your application form here.

Effective Leadership

Effective Leadership

There are of course important and necessary formulas for effective leadership

The most respected leaders are those who set the best examples. You’ll forgive me for sounding a little cliched when I say: ‘the most effective and respected leaders, are those who’re never likely to ask someone to do something, they wouldn’t be prepared to do themselves. It’s so very true.

Naturally then it follows, if we, as leaders, expect those we lead to better themselves and develop, we must be prepared to do this for ourselves

Becoming involved in our style of Personal and Professional Development will enable you to better understand yourself. Once you do, you’ll better understand those you lead. If you want to get the best – and eliminate the worst – from your team, understanding what motivates or limits them respectively, is paramount. When we understand this of ourselves, it places us in a powerful position, in terms of leadership.  

Are your beliefs correctly placed so you may lead in ways that assumes nothing of the people in your charge?

What we believe and expect of people will ultimately either prove to be their making or their downfall. For example, the mistake leaders often make, is to underestimate. Our estimations are built on our beliefs. When we’re able to question how and where we may be going wrong, we’re able to free ourselves, from the common error, of underestimation.

Your people are a direct reflection of you

It takes courage to ask ourselves where we might be going wrong when members of our team slip-up. Healthy relationships between team members are important ingredients to the success of any business. How healthy are your relationships? How healthy is the relationship you have with yourself? Could there be improved personal stability? If so, don’t be surprised if team relationships are strained, or poor. Better understand you and the rest will follow.

Take some time to explore and consider how a development workshop could help your leadership skills. Find your application form here.

Slaves to Fighting – Enemies to Love

Slaves to Fighting - Enemies to Love

The only way to win the battle is to stop fighting

When we take a moment, to sit back and think about things, it’s easy to see where we’re going wrong. For example, how much of our time do we spend fighting? This can range from scrapping with the in-laws to fighting for our human rights. We may even have internal battles within ourselves.

Even the Invictus (Latin: unconquered) games are built on the rules of competition and fighting. The survivors of war, with missing limbs and so on, are given a new purpose and direction through the Invictus games. We can understand the thinking of the prince behind this, yet it was fighting, that put them there in the first place. Is it really the case, that the cure to their daily struggles, is more of the same?

The ideal, is for these soldiers to have never incurred injury to body and mind, in the first place. However, now that they have, how would it be, if we employed all of these survivors as diplomats, for peace? How would it be, if the cure was seen to be diplomacy, against fighting? How would it be if we better understood our internal battles?

How is it the case that we think the answer to our troubles is more of the same?

We put ‘troubled’ teenagers in the boxing ring. We talk about the importance of fighting for our rights. There are people fighting for change and there are those doing the same to halt it. What would happen if we just stopped?

It’s potentially the case that if we stopped getting angry and fighting to win, either for our rights or freedom, we would all become oppressed and controlled by other humans. There’s a good chance this would be the case. So how do we cure that problem?

Ultimately the answer must lie in unification. The problem we now have is the scrapping again. Everyone is fighting for individualism and what they believe is the right way. Everyone is fighting to protect their beliefs. What we’re failing to see is that individualism and beliefs are in fact something quite different to what most think they are.

The true individual will never exist

The reason I say this, is because until we’re able to completely remove ourselves from the influence of the beliefs of others, there will be no such thing, as the individual. Once you hold a belief, that’s also held by another, you’re no longer an individual. You become a slave to that belief. What’s needed is a belief that’s completely separate and devoid from all others. This, in itself, is impossible. One belief will always lead to another, otherwise, it would simply die. This is within the laws of physics: everything is connected, if not, it ceases to exist.

It’s only once we see the connections will we understand

Consider how things would be if we stopped the conflict and became unified. We become unified when we recognise the necessary connectedness of all things for them to function. For example, and as over simplified as it might seem, a despot leader, who is simply ignored, would cease to exist? If there’s no fear he would cease to exist. If no one had taken any notice of hitler, what would have happened? People listened because they were frightened and up for a fight. They wanted a leader they understood to be a fearless fighter. The truth was something very different.

Unification is brought about when we cease conflict and see our connectedness. We are all one    

Take the Saudi Arabian journalist Jamal Khashoggi as further example. He lost his life through conflict. If he’d just ignored the Saudi regime, and gone it alone, he’d still be alive today. If you don’t like what’s happening where you are move away. Leave and stay gone. Risking your life, for what you believe, is nonsensical. Now of course I’m likely being labelled a coward. In the eyes of a fighter I am. In the eyes of someone who loves their life I’m seen as sensible. 

The argument against all of this is that we’re all natural born fighters; that humans are at the top of the food chain because of this. We believe there’s a need for us to fight each other to get our needs and wants met. There is truth here, however, the year is 2018. Is it not time for us to get out of the playground and start acting like adults? Is it not children that fight?

Where are all the grown ups?

Being so bound up in our childish tit-for-tat mentality and our childish need for fairness (although now found to be innate) causes us to fight. Even though fighting for fairness has been found to be an innate driving, evolving beyond this, puts us in control without conflict. Enlightenment to our true selves stops the conflict. Knowing ourselves is key.

We can chose to ignore those who think they must fight for fairness. They have this mindset because they also hold it’s counterpart: unfairness (for no belief can survive alone). Fairness or equality is found when we have unification. The unified do have it all.

Believe you and I are one, through our shared humanity, and you will have it all

When we understand that we’re all one we have unification. When will we grow and peacefully unify against those who don’t understand this? When will we take ourselves out of slavery? When will we seek to rid ourselves of our internal torment? We have so much to reach for. So far to go.  

Easy Self-Discipline

Easy Self-discipline

Sometimes it can seem like the hardest thing in the world

There are days, or is it just moments, where we think: what exactly is the point? What is it, this feeling, of not wanting people to bother with us? We don’t want them to talk to us or try to communicate with us on any level. We want to sleep, but can’t.

Is this just a down day? Of course it is, and yet, when there’s a part of us that felt so alive and enthusiastic for life yesterday, we can’t help wondering, what the hell has happened for all this to change?

Our mood and mental health changes from day to day

In fact, when we look closer, we can see that our mental health changes from moment to moment. It can take the slightest thing to change how we feel; for our mindset to alter. This could be something a person has said, or not said, for that matter. It could be the company we keep. Is it the influence of others deciding our mental stability?

It doesn’t matter, how impervious to the influence of others, we feel we’ve trained ourselves to become. People can still affect our moods and mindset. The alternative to this is being alone. It can be time alone that’s altering our mood. We can become withdrawn and inwardly focused, feeling like we’ve lost our motivation. How strange the mind is that it can alter, or be altered, so simply and inexplicably.

So here we come the issue of self-discipline

How can we keep ourselves on track and motivated when it seems our mind has different plans? This has a lot to do with understanding how we’re allowing ourselves to be distracted. What is it we’re doing to alter mood and mindset? What are we doing to alter our mental health?

When we look deeper, we will see, that to a greater extent than we realise, it is actually us that’s doing the changing. It is us that’s responsible for these seemingly inexplicable shifts.

Put yourself in the place of someone you believe to have immense stability, self-discipline, and determination

Take the racing driver Lewis Hamilton as example. What does this person have that enables him to be so consistently good? What does he have that makes him such an achiever? What is the secret to his consistency? It’s more than a good car that’s for sure. A winning car is only this way when driven by a passionate and winning driver. Not to mention his team; the people around him.

Self-discipline involves the matter of consistency and stability coming from within

In other words, we must keep ourselves aware of any inconsistencies within our patterns of thought, and behaviour. Take diet as a simple yet powerful example. We might think it okay to eat well and healthy one day, and the next, just pig-out on sugary and fatty junk foods. This might be a pattern of behaviour. It could well be a pattern that’s been allowed to build in strength for years and years; as such, it’s something we’re no longer fully conscious of.

If this type of eating were a followed pattern, it would be a prime example, of how we change moods from the inside out. We might now think that this is a chicken and the egg situation: that it’s the mood prompting the day of junk food or whatever. It is more likely though, that it’s simply a pattern – established many years ago – being acted out, over and over again. It’s this that’s changing mind. We are what we eat.

Take a moment now to think back to the consistency of our racing driver

During the racing season you can be sure Lewis Hamilton will be following strict routines. His patterns of thought and behaviour will be stable and consistently beneficial to winning races. He will have an awareness of this. So when it comes to self-discipline, it’s far easier to have this when we’re aware of what we might be doing, to alter our mindset from within. On a daily basis we must ask ourselves:

How am I making this harder for myself?

What am I doing that is in direct conflict with being consistent and stable?

Diet, thoughts and behaviour, have a lot more to do with conflict than we might first realise. If we’re to find stability and consistency, self-discipline, must extend to all aspects of our lives .

Important ingredients to success

Take a few more moments to imagine what kind of mindset our racing driver possess. Actually close your eyes and imagine. Imagine his exercise regime; his diet and the people around him. Consider his general lifestyle. With this, think about his moods, mindset and mental health. What place is he in psychologically? 

Apply this to yourself

Think of what changes and improvements to lifestyle, diet, thoughts and behaviour you must now make. The outcome will be a consistency and stability that begins from the inside out.

Along with thinking skills, one very important aspect of routine and self-discipline, is the ability to stop thought and just act. In other words, it’s our self-talk; our internal chatter, that can sometimes be the problem. By ceasing internal chatter – and just doing things routinely – we increase good habits and patterns of behaviour.

Often, all we need do, is simply stop thinking about it and act. As they saying goes: ‘The hardest part of going for a run is putting your trainers on.’ Discipline yourself and just do it.

Development in Spring

Spring Development

I’ve always thought of spring as my favourite time of year. One minute we can be in the cold hibernation of winter, and the next, we’re noticing buds on the trees. So often this is such a speedy transition, it can catch us by surprise, and yet, how pleasant that can be.  

It’s that feeling of waking to a new day, with everything renewed and fresh, that feels so special. It reminds me of new hope and growth. Our plans and ideas beginning to take shape and form.

During the cold and damp winter months, those things that brought so much colour and life in the summertime, die away. Even though we experience this, there is a beauty in how nature utilises, everything. The past is used in a way that nourishes the next generation. It is of course beneficial for us to consider using our past in the same vein.

To me it’s a little like learning from past mistakes. Properly learning from the past, enables us to nourish, the future. We nourish it through taking our new understandings forward. It’s the understandings from our mistakes that enable this transition.

The key to this lies in what we choose to learn. We must ask: what have I learned? For it’s so often the case, that we make the same mistakes several times over, before we reach a point of advancement. You’ll notice the use of the word ‘advancement’ as this is surely all we can sensibly look to do … advance.

Thinking we can reach perfection, as a result of learning from mistakes, would only constitute further error; an error in our thinking. Perfection is an unachievable goal, yet there is always room, for improvement.

This is where development comes into play

Starting a new season with plans and ideas is a must. To what extent we’re able to put these plans into action, comes as a result, of the resources we hold. We must be sure we propagate a positive mindset, with the beliefs, to back this up. Knowing just how to do this is important.

Along with removing the negatives, and learning from the past, we must actively seek to creatively install new ways of thinking about our future happiness. Be that concerning the health of our relationships, or understanding how our beliefs shape and influence our mindset, both are equally important to develop.

Consider now, how a Development Workshop can help to ensure a bright, rewarding future, from spring 2019 onward. Apply Now.

Emotions: The Root of Our Beliefs

Emotions

It’s either misunderstood, or more likely, denied

We try so very hard to change and find the solutions to our problems. When it comes to the mind, there are those of us, who place the same level of importance on understanding it, as say, understanding life itself. So how is it, so many of these seeking-explorers, come up short?

Put simply the difficulty lies in what’s at the very root of belief: Emotions

When very small and young our emotions are the only means of expressing our needs. At that time, of dependent vulnerability, our emotions were a direct reflection of this: raw and strongly felt. Untamed and running wild, our emotions ruled us, as often as they ruled others. Some adults would have deemed our emotions as inappropriate or plainly wrong.

Adults often feel threatened, or even fearful of their children’s wild untamed emotions, and have limited resources in knowing how to deal with them. This is especially the case, if they still have limited control, over their own. This fear is often felt as a threat by children. At an unconscious level it can be perceived as a threat to their very survival. So instead of expressing emotions, they’re locked up inside. They become repressed, and unless provoked, that’s where they will stay.

It’s often these repressed emotions driving our most limiting beliefs

Of course, as far as the mind is concerned, to revisit these emotions – so to release their pent-up energy – is forbidden. We must understand, the unconscious mind has no awareness, of the passage of time. It has no chronology. With this understanding in place, we can see, if it was inappropriate to express certain emotions back then, why should that have changed now? 

Think of your most powerful memory

Is that memory any weaker as a result of the passage of time? And when you close your eyes, does the memory feel like the event, is happening now? Indeed, the unconscious understanding, is just that. It is happening now. Everything in the unconscious is happening now. Nothing is date stamped. There is no such thing as unconscious chronology.

Think of those times when you’ve been so engaged with a repetitive activity, that your sense of time, was lost. Repetitive activities become time-eating because they’re unconscious. Furthermore, the unconscious doesn’t know when to wake you in the morning; it’s your consciousness doing that. There is no internal clock. Yet there are internally stored beliefs fuelled by your memories and emotions. There is such a deep, deep beauty, in that. Many of us hold happy memories from years ago, that when thought of now, provoke emotional responses.

In order to defend itself your mind will look to discredit these words. You may have already done so

And so there it is. We will seek the answers to our problems, and when found, we’ll either misunderstand them, or just deny their truth. We’ll find ways to discredit the theories, or we’ll just plain shut them from our minds. This is the power of our beliefs, and the repressed emotions, driving them. It’s the unconscious ability to protect us from ourselves you see. What we must help the unconscious mind understand though, is we would like to grow, right now.

It may be hard to accept – where the root of negative beliefs lie – yet unless we’re prepared to take charge of our minds, and understand how it defends itself, our limiting beliefs are here to stay.  

Moreover, even though you may find limiting beliefs mentioned a lot nowadays, you will need to become actively, physically involved, in erasing them. The time, and associated emotions of when a belief was formed, can be repressed, and forgotten. Right now though, this locked-up energy, can be sufficient to bring us down. 

The powerful and proven GOLD Counselling Methodology – established over twenty years ago – is exclusively taught on Freedman College Development Workshops. Would you like to grow? You can find your application form here.    

The Shadow

The Shadow

I want you to imagine yourself walking down a dimly lit alley. It’s cold and damp, the streetlamps, are behind you. With that cold, halogen light behind, you’re casting a shadow in front. Your shadow is one step ahead, it would seem; it’s you that’s following it.

Of course, to place your shadow behind, the light needs to be coming from in front. Only then will it be behind you.

As you walk, the cold street lighting gets dimmer, and you notice a gentle warm light, up ahead. Stop for a moment, and look behind, there it is, that shadow of the past. Stationary, all is still, your shadow is waiting too.

Change though, and look forward with the light ahead. Move on, your shadow, trailing behind

Your shadow represents aspects of you that must be left behind. That unmotivated person, who drifts, undisciplined, with no direction or plan. It represents that part of you, that just lingers, and wastes the day. It doesn’t plan. It doesn’t make busy. It’s just maligned and lazy in a stew.

The shadow is that younger aspect of you. That part that liked the drama of conflict and heated emotions. That part of you that refuses to settle, commit and discipline yourself, constructive. It refuses the creative and new. The shadowy you refuses to plan, and fill the day with energy, and hew.

Look Ahead

Look around, the light is above you now. There’s no shadow to be seen. It’s time to say goodbye, to the shadowy past, there’s things for you to do. It’s that light of awareness striking you now. The awareness that you must plan each day, not laze it away.

Wise Fields

Discipline yourself to follow that plan. You’re no longer on a route dictated by the past. Following the same patterns from those before. Step out of the alley into that open space. Wise fields of glory expanding all around. No matter where you look, there’s no shadow in sight. Dead and gone, along with the past. Make a plan for you.

Right Now, No One Has Ever Hurt You – October 6th 2018

Hurt
Shit Happens

If we were to live by the attitude “No one has, or will ever, hurt me” how would life be?

The first thing we’d need to tackle is how to actually achieve this? How can it be possible to believe no one has or will ever hurt us? To start with, let’s look at the benefit, to this attitude.

If we genuinely believe no one has hurt us it takes the mind into a totally different place. We live without recrimination, anger and regret; all destructive places. We carry guilt when we believe people have hurt us. This guilt is mainly borne of feelings relating to inadequacy and blame. When we blame we experience guilt.

Every other human being on the planet is a reflection of ourselves, and so when we blame, who are we in fact blaming? That’s right, ourselves. So living without these feelings is extremely liberating. You will need to do it in order to understand it.

So, in terms of doing it, how is this possible?

Some might say, the key to living with this philosophy, is forgiveness. I would say, if that works for you, then do it. A much more effective means of achieving this though, is bound-up in the understanding of what human error is: Human error is always a two way street. Human error is a failure in thinking, and more specifically, it’s an error in understanding – or caring – for cause and effect.

Let’s take drink. If you drink alcohol it’s going to affect your judgement. Even so, it’s no excuse to say to the judge – before he takes your driving licence away – “I crashed, your honour, because I was drunk and that means I’m not to blame” A court of law will not consider this a valid argument. Consideration, of your right mindedness before you took the drink, takes precedence. In other words, taking responsibility before the event, is what’s important in law.

An Additional Aspect

Here’s the thing. If you were injured, because you decided to take a lift from a drunk driver, the error is also yours. You decided to get in a car with someone who’d been drinking, To then blame the driver is to believe someone has hurt you. In order to rid ourselves of this belief we must accept our part in the dance. Getting in the car with a drunk – should you be lucky enough to have survived – is what you’re learning to not do, next time. Make sense?

When we accept that error is a two way street, we save ourselves, from guilt. Guilt is generated through constantly reliving past errors. We’re thinking: we, I, he, they or she, should or shouldn’t have done this or that. We’re thinking: I’m suffering because of them. Actually, we’re suffering, because of our thinking.

The reality is, there’s no, “we, he or she, should or shouldn’t have” it’s gone, and even if we returned to the past, with the same thinking skills and resources we had then, we’d make the same mistake again now. Of course we would. We can never correct the errors of the past with guilt, anger and recrimination; never. It’s learning and moving forward that does this. The past is done; we must learn from the mistakes and move forward. A mistake is a means of doing things differently next time.

Let’s make things a little more tricky

What if you were a pedestrian knocked down by a drunk driver? Well, once again, we must accept that it is possible to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. The way we rid ourselves of anger, recrimination, guilt and blame, in this instance, is not to pin blame – believing someone has hurt us – but to accept the random unpredictable nature of life. In the worse case scenario (if you’re dead nothing matters) you sustained life changing injuries. Life changing injuries will have set you on a different path and it’s this path you must now focus on. Keeping the mind in blame, and the past, is destructive primarily to you. The mindset of “I hurt so they must hurt too” is damaging to us all. Stop it. When we believe no one has hurt us we free everyone.

That said, you will always be the most important aspect. Blaming, believing you’ve been hurt, will ultimately reflect on compounding any damage done. Whatever that might be. For example, I recently read an interview with a famous actor, whose mother was physically violent toward him as a child. It’s his believe that many women have continued to hurt him throughout his whole adult life. He’s very angry. Until he stops his unconscious generalisation (all women hurt me) and removes his anger, through properly loving himself, he will continue to be attracted to cruel and abusive women. For him to start believing – no one has ever hurt me – he would need to understand that the me, in that statement, refers to now. In the now moment, no one, has ever hurt him. The past no longer exists.

The other thing to briefly consider is victim-blaming

Perpetrators blame victims in an attempt to remove their guilt. This is dealt with when we also see errors in judgement, or lack of personal responsibility, as something that happened then. Victims and perpetrators must both see their errors as past learnings and move forward. This is the case whether victim or perpetrator.

The human obsession with dragging the past into the present, so we can blame with anger and recrimination, is utterly pointless. Remembering the past is one thing, but remembering the past and associating it with feelings of guilt and anger, is a totally different state of affairs.

So believing no one has, or will ever hurt us, frees and empowers us. Bear in mind though, if someone were to come at you with a shitty stick, it would be wise to duck! Taking responsibility for our actions is something we must learn. Life teaches us how to do this. Live and be free, no one has, or will ever hurt you, now.